This guy I've been dating for a few months keeps saying that he is not ready for a relationship, which is fine. However, we spend almost all of our free time together everyday and we do everything you in a relationship. He calls me to tell me everything, ask for advice, vent, etc. At times I am confused and will re-ask him because all lines are crossed when it comes the friendship aspect.
He basically told me that he was in a long-term relationship before me and is not ready for another one. I asked him what the difference would look like from what we are doing now compared to if we were in a relationship and his response was "I'll give so much more in a relationship but right now I'm not ready. I have a lot of baggage that I am trying to clear up."
I'm understanding to not being ready but what does the switch look like? If in my mind, he's treating me like his girlfriend but then reiterating that we aren't in a relationship right now, I cannot decipher what change will look like.
I feel like men will treat you like their girlfriend but then be quick to say "I told you that you're not my girlfriend".
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Sounds like code for
"I want to fuck you and see other people"
Honestly if he has baggage you'll deal with it as a couple. But quite frankly you're wasting your time and energy on him.
Honestly, that's what I felt. But he ensured me that he wasn't seeing other people and he sees us together in the future. And I'm not saying that out of delusion but from my perspective, it feels fine. It's just the whole statement of not wanting to be in a relationship when we basically live together. If I'm not at his house, he's at mine. Our families think we are together and he doesn't correct my family or his. His children think we are together. That's why I'm confused.
What the actual fuck is wrong with this guy?
Exactly. That’s why I asked the question specifically for men. I thought maybe men think differently and maybe I just was missing or misunderstanding something.
Nope
I have a BS in Psychology abd I can't figure this our. It makes absolutely no sense.
So he really should see a therapist or may be you should reconsider spending time with him.
Alternatively start dating someone else and sees if he gets jealous or not
Yeah, that’s what I thought. I figured if he keeps saying we are friends then I need to show him what a “friend” is and keep my options open. If he doesn’t want to see me with other people then he’ll change his mind about what he wants.
I’ll never understand how women like yourself can have a man literally tell you from his own mouth that he isn’t looking for a relationship, and yet somehow you still get it in your head to try and read between the lines. Still hoping for change, it’s a waste of time. The man wants boyfriend perks on a just friends budget. He’s found a woman who will settle for that.
Because women, like myself, are not told that upfront. Again- we started dating, doing things that people do in the dating stages. Like I said, we hang out all the time and talk all the time. As time went on and things started to appear like it was getting serious, that's when the conversation came up. I'm not trying to read between the lines because the lines are clearly zigzag, which is why I asked the question, specifically for MEN. I'm not forcing anything. I asked "what change looks like" from a man's perspective because only men know what they're thinking when they are doing certain things. Any answer from a woman is strictly an assumption because she is not a man. But thank you for your opinion.
Any answer from anyone is an assumption because it’s not coming from HIS mouth. Even if he didn’t tell you up front, you know now and still choose to continue on with him. So if that’s what you want then it’s your choice, but don’t waste time trying to find some underlying meaning and changes — he’s not going to give you that. I think you’ll realize this once you start being honest with yourself.
Give him some space be busy with anything else and see him after 3 days if he's still not ready he's playing with you and if he is then good luck 🤞
I actually tried this and he blew my phone up the first day. But I don't hit him up first ever. I always let him reach out.
Then he's already serious what sign are you waiting for?
No sign. Confused as to why he’s saying he’s he’s not ready for a relationship and don’t want to say we are together but we do everything together and he acts like we are.
Tell him you want a relationship at that are your terms to be with him. He will surely understand