Is someone waiting for Mr/Miss right a waste of time?

[Anonymous]

I’m not saying it a bad thing wanting to find Mr/Miss Right. Let’s say I have this friend and she has been frustrated with her dating life and complaining about how guy’s rejected her because she told them she is a virgin and she is waiting until marriage. She complained to me that her dating life is terrible. She has been on a lot of dates but never lead to a relationship. I’ve always been there to lend her a hand but give her honest advice. She is in her late 30s (38) and she told me her family is telling her the biological clock is ticking and she wasn’t told that like almost 20 years ago but now she is getting older. She always complains about never having a real relationship. She told me now after several failed attempted relationships, she is going to wait for him and he has to be right. I told her she shouldn’t bring up her virginity so quickly because it will drive men away and she should focus on her life and what she needs to do. Also I told her she is just wasting her time focusing on finding me right instead of focusing on her and taking care of herself but don’t lose her virginity just because others are and do it when she is ready. It’s her life and I respect her choice. She got upset with me for saying that and easy for me to say because I’m a couple years younger than her.

[Anonymous]

I think that when someone makes finding a partner their biggest goal in life then that’s a waste of time, because they aren’t putting nearly as much time and dedication into other, more important areas of their life. But do I think it’s a waste of time to wait for the right person? Definitely not.


The problem is that patience is so rare now a days. Everything has to catch on fast, whether it’s how quickly your app downloads, how quick someone “gets to the point” in a video they post, how soon until the next szn of a show comes out. Even with dating, for many people everything is always now now now. It’s ok to slow down and be patient, because look where that haste got your friend — in and out of shitty relationships.


As we get older, dating, pursuing, investing, it gets tiresome and we just wanna be done with it all and find our person already. So if she wants to wait rather than settle then hey, I wish her luck. As her friend you don’t have to agree with her choices, you’d even have to actively support it. Just respect her journey, because all these choices are part of it.

[Asker]

Yes you do have a point. I’m like I said I do respect her choice. Never said it’s too late to find someone.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s ok not to respect her choice, I have a best friend I’ve known over 10 years and often disagree with her choices in men lol. I only said to respect the journey, like I may not agree with your choices but hey it’s your life, your path, that’s what I respect. I do hope that her patience pays off though, I’m 31 and even now worry sometimes about fertility as I get older so I can’t imagine those same worries in my late 30s.

[Anonymous]

The problem with waiting for Miss/Mr Perfect is that Miss/Mr Perfect doesn’t exist. Everyone has flaws, and everyone has vices, differences of opinions and different values. But I do have a handful of questions:

Conflict is inevitable in relationships…how well does she do in the face of conflict?

She’s been on a lot of dates but no relationships. Why? All I know is that she is the common denominator, so what’s the issue?

There are plenty of good men in this world. What is her definition of a good man? Do these kinds of men consider her to be a good woman?

Is marriage and family something she truly wants, or is she just being pressured by her family? What is she doing to present to the world that she is someone worth pursuing?

[MementoMori777]

i sure hope not, im already too far invested into it

[kylee2437]

You are essentially correct and she’s at an age where she should know better. You should not live your life waiting for anyone - you should be living your life and if life takes you to that person then evaluate it

[Selene1600000]

She’s frustrated and scared about time, so your advice even if logical probably felt dismissive to her feelings. Her values aren’t the problem, but the way she communicates them early on might be affecting her chances. The best thing you can do is listen more, validate how she feels, and only give advice if she clearly asks for it.