Why is being vulnerable with a girl advised against?

[Anonymous]

I have seen this a lot on reddit and also sometimes on here, especially by pickup artists and redpilled people.

they say to not be vulnerable with girls because it shows you as weak to a girl.

aren’t girls just humans like us? Why is showing emotional vulnerability seen as weak and bad? I would love to see a girl be vulnerable with me.

[Alli39]

It's not. It's just that sometimes dudes (and women) take the idea of "being emotionally vulnerable" as "constantly dumping your problems and insecurities on other people". That is bad thing for either/any gender. We want to know your experiences, your faults, your fears, and your dreams, we just don't want to know them via constant insecurity, jealousy, and anger.

It's mostly a fear response to the idea of having to legitimately connect with a person and build trust and communication, sometimes in response to personal experiences. A lot of these people want a purely sexual or "insta-love" type connection. These, obviously are can get pretty toxic, so these people look at the failed results of their efforts and take it as confirmation that women are terrible rather than proof that they need to work on themselves emotionally or reconsider their philosophies.

[gothbxtch]

it only is by misogynists lol. makes them sound like that the office thing about “showing your teeth is actually a submission signal in primates. every time a woman smiles at me i see a chimpanzee begging for its life”.

[AaronKrieger]

There's truth to it, but I believe it's talked about in the wrong way. Generally, women actually do appreciate when men open up and be vulnerable. However, don't overdo it and don't put your shit on them. There's a difference between informing them and being toxic.

For example, I have trauma that causes certain behavior from me. I think it's necessary to tell, since she should understand why I do certain things. It's rather matter of the fact in the way I say it. I've never had negative reactions when stating it in the past.

[ProbablyClueless]

A lot of the men who look weak when they open up to women look weak because they open up too much. As in, they open up to a contextually inappropriate degree.

As for vulnerability in general; people like to use that stuff against you in arguments. So you just have to be mindful of who you are telling what. When insecure people feel attacked or generally bad, they'll try to make the other person feel bad by using the person's vulnerability against them.

[inhua]

men who express any form of emotion to their woman ( if perceived negatively ) is deemed whiny, complaining, loser, incel, little bitch, weakling etc.

fact of the matter is, women are not turned on by those who they have sympathy for. it is actually a turn off and there's already gonna be virtue signalers disagreeing with me with keeping a man's emotions in check

[AaronKrieger]

No, like anyone, they only dislike it when it seems unreasonable and overdone. That's when it's seen as whining.

[inhua]

@AaronKrieger whining is a matter of perspective often influenced by someone's own bias.

for example, the same people who don't consider it whining when feminists are marching the streets, protesting for whatever they are they are protesting for i. e. the body positivity movement are the same people who think its whining to merely bring up topics like paternity fraud, the inequalities of the divorce courts or the inequalities of the MeToo movement has a lot of society being outraged and accusing men of being insecure, bitter or cowards etc. more often than not, it's a deliberate attack on masculinity

if men are actually allowed to express their problems, there shouldn't be any shaming of the sort and there actually be support but even stating simple facts like women preferring tall, strong, rich, successful men somehow has people pissed off for no reason other than to be offended

[AaronKrieger]

I don't think it's a good idea to use politics as an example, since you're often going to find extreme cases there and it's a different situation. Talking to strangers and your significant other is different.

Being vulnerable with your partner is often about personal issues, mental health, and that sort of thing. Also, people generally view whining as the same thing, as it's often considered that when the complaining is overdone.

[inhua]

@AaronKrieger that depends on how the perceived complaining is being used and whether there is validity and possible solutions to the problem

for example, some people might say a losing team is complaining about the refs even when there's actual video footage of refs deliberately giving favorable calls to one team over another. this may continue on for many more games and bringing it up often isn't always a bad thing if the refs are still doing the same thing and there's no change. same applies to all forms of injustices. is it really overdone if a victim of bullying continues to point out his bullies even if he's being ignored and nothing is being done to stop the bullying?

men have been vulnerable to women in the past and it's been used against them. this doesn't mean every woman will automatically use a man's worst secret against him but there's certainly nothing there to discourage or "shame" women who do this. instead men are taught to be strong, dominant, confidence, don't be "weak", don't be "insecure", don't be a "coward" etc. and there's a good reason for this. learning from one's mistakes is important. learning from someone else's mistakes is even better and considering the number of friendship breakups, family breakups, relationship breakups and divorces happening, finding that truly special someone is a needle in a haystack

these days, friends and family members can't even get along if their political beliefs aren't the same much less spouses

[slatyb]

"especially by pickup artists and redpilled people." Doesn't that tell the value of their advice? Hint: It's less than worthless. Behaving as they suggest will drive away emotionally healthy women.

[jahaims]

Because of the stereotype of a girl who is a psychopath/narcissist and uses vulnerability against there partner later.

[BigDog1989]

Why is it ever good to be vulnerable with anyone?

BECAUSE IT SHOWS WEAKNESS, AND PEOPLE PREY ON WEAKNESS, TRUST ME

[MissBoogus]

I love my guy to be open and vulnerable with me , one of the things I seek in a relationship

[shades777]

somw women use the shit you say aganist you in a argument so don't tell her nothing she can later weaponize

[Anonymous]

Because it's a show of emotion and no emotion is the masculine way

[hello123456789]

Stop being A simp.