How do you make sure your coworkers don’t catch feelings for you?

[Anonymous]

We are in the office together and I can’t help but share my thoughts every now and then.

I have two coworkers there, both very handsome, but one of them is my type and another one is not my type, I feel a bit shy with the one that’s my type and I don’t talk much around him, however, he does like talking to me too, can’t stop smiling everytime I say something, I am not even that cute though.

So, since another one is not my type, I didn’t feel that shy and have felt pretty open to express myself freely to him, I chat to him often and I feel like he might have started liking me, I noticed it from the very beginning but now it gets a bit more obvious,

He seems to grow used to listening to me and wants to spend his lunch breaks together with me, wants to always talk to me, always listen to my stories,

On lunch breaks, I usually go, wander in the neighborhood and like spending my lunch breaks alone, hopping in different cafés or restaurants.

He has been very interested in my life lately, always asks me things about how I feel, how was my day and loves hearing about all of it and has shared about his life and childhood and all.

I told him that I was dating someone right at the beginning , I wanted to make it clear we were just on friendly terms and I haven’t told him that I am no longer dating anyone, I am a bit afraid, he will think maybe if I am no longer dating someone else, I am somehow open to dating him for example. I am not.

Every-time I notice him getting a bit romantic, I withdraw, I don’t really want to start anything right now, I would like to be friends. That’s it.

How do I make sure he doesn’t catch feelings for me without totally withdrawing?

Because sometimes I try to totally avoid him to make sure he doesn’t get any wrong messages from me.

[caring__1]

Though you can influence people's feelings by your actions, you can't make a person feel what they don't want to feel.

You can focus only on work, to limit people seeing you beyond that, but as soon as you start socializing with them, they'll start feeling you're interested in more than just work. Once you open the door, it's very hard to close it.

You want to pick and choose your preferences, and so do others. It's as if you're saying you should have your preferences, but not them. Whatever you choose, make sure you remain consistent. Mixed messages will backfire.

[Guido]

It sounds like it's too late. The way you say he is behaving is like somebody very interested in you.

You first said the guy you liked always smiled at you but you avoided him. I think he was giving you a signal that he was interested but you started spending time with the other guy so he will now not approach you.

If you don't want to date either but have them is friends, spend an equal amount of time with each when at work and keep a fair amount if time to yourself so as not to give them wrong signals. Have lunch with both of them at the same time.

Your a beautiful young woman and men will naturally be attracted to you. That you cannot change.

[Asker]

That guy that is my type, he’s very serious and a bit intimidating in a way how serious he is. He always minds his business and I always feel like not disturbing him, however I do sometimes “disturb” him, ask him questions, share my thoughts occasionally but not as often because I feel shy.

He is always very helpful, nice and when I talk to him occasionally, he is smiling as if I am very cute, but I think he’s just nice.

And for that 2nd one, because I am not attracted to him, I felt less shy and went full-mode myself. Which I guess he grew fond of.

[Guido]

Take a chance with the cute guy and ask him if he would like to join you for lunch. It can't hurt and it might just be what's needed.

You refer to my type but did you know that the vast majority of people end up marrying people that were not their original type because we can't help who we fall in love with and have a great connection. Type is based on looks but what is sustainable for a relationship is personality.

[Daniela1982]

Start dressing like a slob, wear some tacky glasses, and don't use any makeup. I'm guessing he will stop.

[Ezra_lila]

Better control your emotions and let them handle their emotions.

[AviatorTom]

You cannot control other people's emotions. Don't try.

[dynamicyandere]

It sounds like you’re already doing everything right.


You’re not sending him the wrong signals, you’re mindful about withdrawing from anything romantic.


I suppose another thing you could do is politely decline requests to spend time together, if possible.


If you’re declining more often than you’re accepting, it’s a pretty clear sign (at least to me) that you’re not interested.


Other than that, if you’re already doing everything right, the responsibility then falls on him to control his feelings.


As long as you’re not leading him on in any way, he has no grounds to accuse you of playing with his feelings.


You’re not manipulating him at all. So, his feelings are his responsibility.


The only thing you can do in your power is to just do the right thing and stick to that.

[Andres77]

Telling him that you were dating, someone is a good first defense. Make yourself calm down around the guy who is your type and start to talk to him a little more. Remind everybody that you’re still dating.. avoiding them during lunch is also a good technique. It sounds like you’re doing everything that you can.
You are not responsible for their feelings, but you are responsible for high react to them and I think you’re doing the best that you can

[Asker]

That guy that is my type, he’s very serious and a bit intimidating in a way how serious he is. I think he might be taken.
He always minds his business and I always feel like not disturbing him, however I do sometimes “disturb” him, ask him questions, share my thoughts occasionally but not as often because I feel shy.

He is always very helpful, nice and when I talk to him occasionally, he is smiling to me very sweetly as if I am very cute, but I think he’s just nice.

And for that 2nd one, because I am not attracted to him, I felt less shy and went full-mode myself. Which I guess he grew fond of.

[Andres77]

Can’t blame him.

[Coden7]

Since it’s the workplace I’d set a boundary with the touching at least. And maybe have your boyfriend pick you up from work occasionally.


I’m not sure if your work allows this, but have flowers delivered to you at work from your boyfriend. It’s a subtle way to bring your boyfriend into the workplace and send a message to coworkers that you are taken.

[Asker]

Don’t have a boyfriend

[Coden7]

Must have missed that lol. You can always send flowers to yourself under another name.

[Coden7]

I did read some of this wrong. What about this other guy that is your type? Is he single?

[BoopBoopBeep]

I don't concern myself with that. I certainly don't lead them on, but if it happens that's not my responsibility

[NathanDavis]

it's not my "job" to do that... lol

[justabuddy]

I have always given most girls a chance and just take it slow at first. You miss out on so much in life buy closing doors prematurely. By the time it gets serious we both know it's not going to work out or we are good.

[Friendlybro79]

You can't make sure. You can only make it clear you're not interested to date coworkers. People get crushes. Nothing you can to to stop it.

[Jmmmfi4]

Pffffffff... I wouldn't have that issue if my face were made of 100 dollar bills

[sheikalana]

Desexualize yourself.

[Asker]

How?

[Asker]

Sexiness is part of my identity

[sheikalana]

When a guy stars showing interest back off. Don’t be too nice. If they say they’re interested in you say something like “I’m so toxic and terrible in bee you actually don’t want to date me. You’d be disgusted if we dated.” Or you can also say how unprofessional it is for you to get involved with coworkers.

[Nikki1989]

I don't. It is really not my problem.

[Jennz6]

Avoid him

[KostasKouvalis]

Be rude to them