Considering how female attraction fluctuates, should I start a relationship with a guy who I'm not attracted to but he checks off most of my boxes?

[Bethany22]

I mean, we all know that female desire is not as simple as men's whereby a large part of female attraction is how a guy acts. So with the idea that maybe in the future I might want to have sex with him more than I do now, do you think I should go out with him as an official girlfriend since the qualities and values he has are really hard to find in men?

[Miristheiss]

Yes.

Have you ever wondered why western relationships for "feeling in love" seem to fail so much while many arranged marriages in other cultures last longer?

The intense high of butterflies and "feelings" NEVER last, that's why fools always want to bail on their marriages because they don't "FEEL" in love.

These fools think a marriage and a family is all about them feeling in love 24/7. They are fools to not realize marriages have obligations, duties, they are work... etc.

Fools expect to just feel in love and have intense butterflies around the clock. Their pick their mates on foolish reasoning.

Having agreement and compatibility on CORE LIFE issues is what determines good long term fits. Agreement on how to handle money, agreement on sex, agreement on how many kids and how to raise them, agreement on life goals, agreement on your faith and what to teach your kids.

[loveslongnails]

No. If you go into it thinking like that, it's pretty selfish. What if you invest a few months hoping your attraction will grow and it doesn't, but his attraction to you is off the charts? He's thinking " wow, how'd I get so lucky" and you're just taking him on a test drive. That's not right. Physical attraction is one of those unexplainable things that shouldn't be THE overriding force but needs to be there in enough measure in order for a relationship to work.

If you want to do a few casual dates, that's one thing. But do NOT give him the idea that you're his "official girlfriend" until you know for certain that you're in it for keeps, or you might crush the poor guy.

[coachTanthony]

That is just called a friendship not a relationship. And it's not fair to him.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

If his looks are the only thing stopping you from accepting a man who otherwise fits your ideal image of a man, I’d say “Don’t lose him.”

He might be the one.

[AviatorTom]

Sure, go for it. It's not that uncommon for a friendship to develop into something more.

[nice-girl]

Yes. that's exactly the way to date. Have a list of qualities that you like in a man. Then, from the men who have those qualities, choose the one you are most attracted to.

Often, we are attracted to people because of our trauma, maybe resemble more to our parents of caregivers. Or because we are used to being treated a certain way.

As often people from the Easters cultures say: "It's not important to be in love when you get married, it's important to be in love when you die."

That's because they do arranged marriages which are based on shared values and upbringings.

What we call love, often, in Western societies is not love, it's chemistry. Which is going to fade away when real problems arise.

[Screenwriter]

Ummm. No. People aren't a set of checked off boxes. You don't go into a relationship "hoping" you'll feel attracted to someone later. Unless attraction is there, don't bother, no matter how many check marks some guy has.

Do you do this with friendships? Of course you don't. Don't do it with a love relationship. Setting yourself up for disaster.

[slatyb]

No, you should not. It sounds like you are missing a very important box: attractive to me. You don't have to decide now. Maybe he'll grow on you, maybe not. I've become attracted to women that I didn't initially find attractive.

[YAsQuen]

it doesn't go the other way. They do get more attracted to mens peronalities over time but their perception of the body housing doesn't change like for us

[nonyabeez-wax]

Well, ask yourself this; is he physically fit, over weight, or underweight?

If he's either of the latter he will have problems taking care of you in the future either due to mental or physical health.

What, outside of that, makes you unattracted to him?

[SquishyBuns2628]

He might not be attractive but if treat you and others eight then being attractive comes later in the relationship. But if attractiveness is your mo with any other qualities coming later than so be it.

I'm not here to judge you, no one is, ok maybe one person but what you do with your relationships is your business.

[OfMiceandMen]

Why not give it a try, especially, if most guys you are attracted to fail afterwards. You may be letting you initial attractiveness meter call too much of the shots.

[JHAYES317]

You should not become his girlfriend until you are legitimately attracted to him. Whether that be physically, spiritually, mentally etc. However, it doesn’t hurt to go on a date with someone who may not be initially physically attracted to because physical looks fade with age and you ultimately want someone compatible with you on a mental/emotional level most of all

[shortster]

You don't have to be official on the first few dates. Those are the trial period to see if you want to become official. So since he has a lot of the qualities that you want; why not go on a few dates with him and see if a spark develops?

[Shy_Steve]

Yes, If he has a lot of great qualities then you are going to enjoy experiencing your love grow with him.

You should Date a Guy based upon his Qualities not on how you feel about him, That's the problem you Girls face when choosing a Guy.

The time to feel good is while your dating him not before you start dating him.

[HopelessRomantic00]

I mean, attraction can always come later. I'd say give it a try but if you're not really sure about the official title, then try going out on 10 dates with him and see if you become attracted to him, if not then decline because you should never settle.

[Justme6954]

I think attraction beyond looks grows in time so if someone seems totally different then what you may be looking for, well sometimes that may be the best thing for you ( or any of us ). I think we get hung up on how a person should dress, their wealth and stuff that in reality is irrelevant because we should be looking at the actions and the heart. Looks fade but a good heart is for a lifetime.

[Likes2drive]

Yeah probably, I’m sure I check off most women’s boxes but they don’t give me a chance

[Joshydavid25]

I mean give him a chance at least.. It's why people have a hard time finding relationships today.. They want that spark, when sometimes it comes later on.. And if it doesn't let them know and move forward..

[Jdodkfndosn]

Not attracted to in general or specifically as it relates to his looks?

I'm either way Is say it's likely a bad idea but the latter would certainly be better than the former

[NewgodOmega]

Now if I would assume that before I start anything I need to check off boxes then i have unlimited boxes to check

[Billlewis]

I would say so. You can always change your mind later if you so choose.

[msc545]

No have mercy and just leave the poor guy alone. If you were to attracted him, this will never change. You're just looking for a quick fuck and you can get that almost anywhere.