Girls, Would you split bill on first and second date?

[hassan9873]

I am a kinda guy that dont let the girl pay any bill.. but a lot of my friends telling me that i should be splitting the bill on first two dates at least.. whats your opinion?

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

Nope. If that’s the case I can continue to take myself out on dates. As soon as the guy is like let’s split I’m immediately disinterested, if you can’t afford it say that. I’ve been on dates before where a dude would order expensive stuff and I’m not splitting that if he’s going to masquerade as a provider/breadwinner stand on it. Or at least say you want a restaurant buddy to try this new expensive place or whatever I. e. a pop-up with a 7course tasting and $150 cover. I can understand that wanting that exposure, before a guy goes out of his way to ask me on a date. Only for me to feel like dude is sassy and I wasted my time. Before anyone gets bothered about my opinion more than likely I know what the restaurant is and looked at the menu. I like to make sure it’s not interfering with my dietary restrictions and I try a new restaurant in my area about once a week or so taking myself out on dates. I don’t like crap food and I can afford it, therefor I’d expect the guy I went on a date with to be able to do so. If he can’t he had no business asking me out because we’re not equally yolked.

[mandyfire98]

I would want to split it every date.

[hassan9873]

Ahh.. a perfect date than.. why can't i find someone like you..

[mandyfire98]

I mean most women I know personally in real life prefer to split all the time or trade off. Most women I know don't like the idea especially on the first few dates of letting the guy pay and then that guy then might hold it over our heads because they didn't get a second date or they didn't get sex. Which happens with some guys. They'll pull that card. "I paid for everything, I didn't even get sex"

So most women I personally know will not let the guy pay for her just based on that.

[hassan9873]

Yeah.. tbh i would still pay, coz thats what i do. Hard to change.. but a lot of girls just get too excited or whatever, they oder extra expensive stuff..
and some girls are like that, they have and can afford expensive taste.. but on some dates i feel like she's only ordering because she knows I will be paying. So she just don't care. Although I don't stop them.. but yeah, all these comments and your opinion tells me that whatever it is, it's still a turn off when you ask them to split it.. right?

[mandyfire98]

No it's not a turn off to split it. Most women would prefer that especially on the first few dates.

[hassan9873]

Thats great.. i can't find them though.. how can i communicate it without being stupid, or trun her off.. how can i ask this nicely?

[mandyfire98]

Say "I have to ask because I don't want to offend you, but what do you feel more comfortable with, splitting the bill or is it ok if I pick up the check sometimes? I don't want you to feel uncomfortable"

She's more than likely going to say split it.

[hassan9873]

Yeahh.. that actually seems a nice way to ask.. thankyou so much.. however the date goes, this will fir all.. you're great.. i went on a date yesterday.. went very well.. she's gonna come over tonight.. will it be too much if i cook something for us? Or i should oder something?

[mandyfire98]

I think cooking is actually great. I'd personally be impressed.

[hassan9873]

She liked it too.. you're a great help.. 😃😃.. i just didn't wanted her to think that i did something too much..

[mandyfire98]

Cooking is always appreciated and respected no matter who does it. Especially if it's good lol

[hassan9873]

Lol.. yeah Mandy i think so too.. no body likes bad food. hehe..

[kylee2437]

I will offer to split if the bill is super pricey - I think a man is not benefitting when he has to pay an $100 tab for the same exact interaction as I got, however if you don’t care about grabbing the whole tab , why let your friends sabotage that? Your friends don’t have the upper hand in dating because many women still do find it a turn off for a man to not offer to pay first. Almost seems like they are giving you this advice so you end up not be successful while going on dates.

[kylee2437]

Being *

[hassan9873]

Well all my dates are $100 or more.. and thats a lot for me too.. and most of the time I can't seem to find someone my type too. So thats a lot of first dates. So how do i ask her that could you split the bill? "If i want to"

[kylee2437]

@hassan9873 how about trying not to take women out on expensive dates so quickly? If a woman can’t agree to a less expensive date from the start, she isn’t that interested. I just agreed to a coffee date with someone that other day. He will be spending $20 or less. Just become a bit more creative with dates, you don’t need to wine and dine someone especially when you don’t know them and don’t know why they are even on this first date with you to begin with

[hassan9873]

Yeah that seems like good idea.. and if someone isn't ready to go out like that, does it means she's only interested in hookup?

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

if a guy is willing to splurge 100 dollars on a first date, there will be two things that come up on my mind:

- he has a lot of money
- he has bad credit. aka bad spending habits.

Usually its the latter. I have been out with rich guys, even they won't spend 100 on a first date.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb or maybe he’s trying hard to impress and either way I think if a woman can’t accept a date that includes a cheaper date than $100 it says a lot about her

[kylee2437]

But I also find that many men use expensive dates to love bomb.

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

from my experience, men with a lot of money never brag about their wealth. they never feel the need to spend too much on first dates. Its only broke or poor men who brag or talk about their money.

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

its understandable to take your girlfriend out on an expensive date. treat her to something nice. but not on first date.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb I agree sometimes it just happens that way though. There was one time me and this guy wanted to go to one restaurant for a first date but we ended up at another because the other one was super packed. The bill came out to $120 and I happily asked to split the check. Sometimes it just happened

[nastyb]

@kylee2437
I understand to want to split it. I always split mine on the first date.
but it is a red flag if he did not offer to pay all of it. If it is not a red flag, it just means he's a beta male. No real man would want the lady covering the bill.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb oh he offered to pay but I’m not allowing a man to pay that much for the same interaction as what I got. I like the idea of equalship in a relationship and the idea that a man that in equally interested in having to pay $120 to just interact with me doesn’t promote equalship in my opinion

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

there's nothing romantic about equalship. Paying for your partner shows love. Man should buy for the woman. Woman should buy for the man.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb but he’s not a partner he’s just a random person at that point and quite technically he doesn’t owe me anything just like I don’t owe him anything either. I prefer equalship and letting our personalities be the deciding factor on if we are romantic for each other

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

maybe you just aren't a romantic person. girls who are romantic don't prefer equal ship.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb I think you are trying to throw shade and be rude for no reason because at the same time you said that women pay and then men pay. That’s literally a form of equalship only your form of it is paying on two separate occasions.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb sorry to say to you, I don’t fall in love with people on the first date. It’s weird and off putting that people fall in love with strangers

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

im not being rude to you. because its true that romantic people prefer men paying.

you're just angry about yourself. the fact you aren't romantic.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb no I’m annoyed that you are using your pride to shade others that have different views on relationships and first dates. You self pedstaling your opinion is you just simply wanting to be a mean girl

[kylee2437]

Self pedestaling*

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

im not throwing a shade at you.

just cuz it didn't sound nice, it doesn't mean its not true.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb a self pedestaled opinion is not a fact , it’s just you thinking that your opinions are that important to society. This generation needs to seriously stop with this immature nonsense

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

just because you didn't like it, it doesn't mean its not true

[kylee2437]

@nastyb again you thinking your opinion has more importance than mine is where your issue is at.

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

its not an opinion , hun. its a fact made through psychological evaluation.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb prove that it’s a fact then hun. It’s amazing what people say because they swear that their opinion can be the only correct opinion

[nastyb]

what kind of girl who craves to be loved by her woman, wants to go 50/50 with him on every date?

[nastyb]

what kind of girl who craves to be loved by her man***** , wants to go 50/50 with him on every date?

[kylee2437]

@nastyb hunny you continuing to drop dumpster fire statements is not proof that what you said is a fact, it’s proof that you are just trying to be confrontational and rude.

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

exactly! you cannot answer that question. Proves what im saying is exactly true.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb no I’m not answering that question because it’s non sense and pointless , just like your opinion about my dating life.

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

you're not answering it because you can't answer it.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb no hunny bun I’m not answering it because it doesn’t matter. You still interact like an immature adult and can’t accept other peoples opinions.

[kylee2437]

Openly admitting that you can’t be yourself on the first date and then expecting a romance fest on that same first date is cringe level 100% but I won’t continue to grill you on that because I’m on a mature person

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

you came onto my answer because you had a problem with what i said. thats how i know you're not romantic.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb yes because you gave advice that doesn’t make remote sense. You want men to not be themselves and let them not being themselves set the tone of the relationship. That’s your own words, and you think it makes sense and sets the relationship up for success. Or maybe that’s just you projecting what you do and think that brings means to any romantic relationship but sorry sis , I enjoy being myself in relationships as I love a man that can be his true self around me

[kylee2437]

A man paying for the bill just to appease the woman in front of him and not because he actually wants to do it is goofy as hell

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

[You want men to not be themselves and let them not being themselves set the tone of the relationship.]

nobody is themselves on a first date, including you. nobody shows all their flawed true selves on a first date.

don't pretend you will show your worst qualities to a guy on a first date. cuz we all know you don't.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb hunny bun I’m myself on the first date, that’s your issue not mine.

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

you're not yourself on a first date. because you if you showed your worst side, you would never ever get a second date with a guy. we all have flaws.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb just because I don’t show all of my flaws on the first date doesn’t mean I’m not being myself

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

you're not being 100% yourself. because showing 100% includes all your flaws.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb it is impossible to show all of your flaws on day one. I am still my true self regardless

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

but you'd rather show your good sides rather than your bad sides on a date.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb no I’d rather show whatever side happens to come out that night based on how the date goes. I’ve told a guy straight up that me and him were not compatible based on our date and asked him to leave early because I’m not about to fake how uncomfortable I was to appease him

[nastyb]

@kylee

because you're a liar. nobody shows their worst qualities on a first date.

if you did that, you would never ever get a second date.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb did I say I show my worst qualities on a date? It’s literally impossible to do that on day one sweetheart

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

you would never show any of your bad qualities on a first date.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb “worst qualities” is a subjective term because someone can think my introvertedness is a bad quality and again I’m not changing that for the sake of another human being

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

introvertedness is definitely not a bad quality. its simply a characteristic.

worst quality is something like being messy, a bad temper, intolerant, jealous, catty, bitchy, gossipy, talking shit about others, being possessive, controlling.

[jennifer_bloom]

It’s nice of a guy to pay but he is not legally obligated and I always bring money in the event that he cannot afford to pay.

[hassan9873]

That's nice.. he will pay, but you being ready means a lot.. 👍🏻

[nastyb]

i expect a guy to pay for the first date. On first date, a guy is supposed to be on his BEST behavior. We all know first few dates should be the best a guy can ever be. If he wants the girl to split or pay, this is a preview of what the future relationship will be like.

Now, if a couple has been dating for a year or two, it is ok for a woman to pay for a man. Maybe few times.

But if you are on a first date, everyone knows you need to make a good first impression. A man who does not care about making a good first impression , is not worth dating.

[kylee2437]

A man should be himself during the first date. I can’t stand the mask that many men put up on first dates and then slowly but surely start acting who they actually really are

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

nobody is 100% themselves on the first date. Even you. Everyone tries to look their best , behave their best, show their best sides. Everyone has flaws. These flaws come out slowly as time goes by. Nobody shows all their flaws on a first date. You wouldn't do that either.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb I’m myself on the first date and I stand by that. Argue with god sis, you don’t know me in person

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

you came onto my answer because you had a problem with what i said. thats how i know you're not romantic.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb you want a man to be fake to you on the first date and think that sets up any romantic aspects to a relationship is insane

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

you want a man who doesn't truly want to impress you.

a man who truly is interested in you, will want to look nice for you and cares what you think. Not someone who is low effort, not nervous, doesn't care.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb no I don’t want a man to impress me, I want a man that is his self and can continue to be that same person for years on , I will never ever force a man to be romantic. That’s why I expect a man to be himself on the first date because if he’s not romantic on his own without me forcing, good bye sis. You will learn real quick if a man is being a faker or if a man is being true to himself and expecting a man to be a faker on the first date for the sake of you sends a horrid message

[kylee2437]

@nastyb people that fake things for the first date always have a hidden agenda and I want no parts of that nonsense.

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

you want someone who is low effort, not willing to invest, not willing to go that extra mile for you, not willing to smell / look better for you.

there's nothing wrong with someone who wants a bit more than that.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb hunny the conclusions you are jumping to is crazy.

Simply put: I will never ever force a man to be romantic towards me. The moment I do that, the moment I am telling a guy be a fake version of himself to appease me which is a horrid message. I mean how do you even tell a guy you expect him to pay in full? Do you tell guys off the rip you want him to pay in full?

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

[Simply put: I will never ever force a man to be romantic towards me]

because you are not a romantic person yourself. unromantic people don't need romanticism in their lives. simply put.

you want someone who shows no passion, puts in no effort, invest the least into you.

[kylee2437]

No you want someone that pays for dates and automatically think he’s a romantic interest because he picked up a tab which is super far fetched. Men are fakers all the time to get into women’s pants. I just cut a man off last weak because all of his romantic gestures were phony and hidden agendad.

[kylee2437]

Hunny I am a romantic person, I am just not forcing people to be fake to appease me. That’s little girl behavior, I was doing that when I was immature in relationships. No thank you

[nastyb]

@kylee2437
[I mean how do you even tell a guy you expect him to pay in full? Do you tell guys off the rip you want him to pay in full?]

because it is a man's job to take care of his lady and his family. it is part of masculine nature to provide and protect. he knows this. you know this. everyone knows this.

if you are willing to settle for a selfish man who cares more about his own wallet than the love of his life, you're falling into a trap. A man who truly loves you , will want to spend on you.

Don't delude yourself into believing that a man who REFUSES TO SPEND ON YOU, loves you just as much as a man who spends on you.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb preferring gender roles doesn’t make you more romantic than I am, you just dare differently than I do. I don’t want fake energy around me point blank period. And insinuating a man should always pay and having that expectation even though that may not be his expectation is setting yourself to be faked out and used

[kylee2437]

A man can spend money on you and not gives two shits about you, hence why I dropped that guy last week. He paid for every date but when it came down to my personal feelings he didn’t care. No thank you. That’s someone that is a fake materlistic romantic

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

[preferring gender roles doesn’t make you more romantic than I am, you just dare differently than I do.]

you will realize gender roles are REAL by the time you start having kids. Then you realize that you're the one working a full time job while doing MOST OF THE household chores, child rearing duties. While your husband just has to clock in and out of his job and does little to nothing else around the house.

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

[And insinuating a man should always pay and having that expectation even though that may not be his expectation is setting yourself to be faked out and used]

dating cheap men who won't spend on you... will only invite men who don't truly love you.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb hunny women in gender role relationships were being cheated on and getting abused hence why we evolved, that’s love to you?

[kylee2437]

@nastyb nope never said I date cheap men that don’t spend money on me , I just won’t date people that fake who they are to appease me.

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

[[preferring gender roles doesn’t make you more romantic than I am, you just dare differently than I do.]]

you will realize gender roles are REAL. When you have a baby who is crying all night... keeping you up at night without sleep. then the next day , you still have to go to work.

Meanwhile, other moms don't have to work because their husbands have enough money to support them.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb copying and pasting arguments because you are too lazy to be creative because you know you are wrong is pathetic. Have a great night

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

[[preferring gender roles doesn’t make you more romantic than I am, you just dare differently than I do.]]

you will realize gender roles are REAL. When you have a baby who is crying all night... keeping you up at night without sleep. then the next day , you still have to go to work.

Meanwhile, other moms don't have to work because their husbands have enough money to support them.

[HelpfulWoman]

i would split unless it's been communicated beforehand the expectations and such. some men think they own you if they buy dinner, but also any girl that straight up demands you should pay is a red flag for you to see.

[hassan9873]

Hmmm.. that's helpful.. a red flag the were. Lol

[kylee2437]

@helpfulwoman you are 100% correct. Take a look at @nastyb replies. She’s a red flag and a half

[kylee2437]

@nastyb if that’s a red flag to you, then you do demand him to pay on the first date , you are just a person that can’t be yourself on the first date.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb since when do emotions tie in with money? I’ve worked at a strip club hunny and those men spending money definitely are stripped of emotion but keep it coming lol

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

A man not paying for a first date is kinda like a woman who shows up on a date with sweatpants and hoodie. No effort, bare minimum. Doesn't care.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb money and dressing up for occasion are not the same

[nastyb]

@kylee2437

first dates don't need to be expensive. it could just be a cup of coffee. if a man is unwilling to pay for his date's coffee. It shows bare minimum, no effort, no investment. doesn't care.

[kylee2437]

@nastyb and now you are changing subject. You know where this all started? Me offering to split a bill that was $120 , it wasn’t a coffee date. Stay on topic or shut the fuck up

[kylee2437]

@nastyb hunny that’s because you are a faker when it comes to dating. Whether I go out with friends, family or a potential date, I dress up because that’s who I am

[kylee2437]

@nastyb nope you can’t compare a $10 coffee date to a $120 steakhouse dinner night

[kylee2437]

@nastyb if a man is paying in the beginning , then that aspect better not change because I’m not choosing a man that is a faker for the sake of being impressive

[kylee2437]

I’m blocking you in about two seconds

[Little_Bumblebee]

I just always prefer to pay for what I order myself.
And it makes me uncomfortable if someone I barely knew was going to pay for me.

It's nice when you're in a relationship and they want to take you out.

If it's the firs dates it just feels like you owe them and are indepted to them or something.

And I don't want to feel like a financial burden either.

[hassan9873]

Thats nice to know.. really nice of you.. so you come forward to pay for your self?

[Little_Bumblebee]

It just always seemed natural.. I don't date much, and it had been 3 + years since I've been on a date. So I don't really remember how I approached it.
I assume I just said that we'll pay for our own when the waiter or salesperson asked.

[hassan9873]

Good... It actually comes natural i think..

[IslaTheWitch]

I think it should depend on the opinion of both dating people. I prefer to pay for myself, especially in the initial stage of learning each other. I can imagine what a sour feeling it can leave if the date is a disaster and the guy must pay the full bill. At least I wouldn't like to find myself in such a situation.

[overthinkergirl]

if a guy asks me out i would expect him to pay for at least first date. It doesn't have to be anything to expensive. I would offer to pay on the second or third date. also if i asked a guy out i'd pay

[Jasmin01]

I would be happy if the guy paid on the first date, but I can also pay for myself. Especially when I already believe that we won't meet again.

[hassan9873]

Yeah. But lets say you think the date is going well.. and he says, would you like to split the bill.. how'd you feel?

[Jasmin01]

Even it's good, if he wants, I would pay for my own.

[hassan9873]

Hmmm.. so it won't be a turn off for you than?

[Jasmin01]

Nope, it wouldn't

[hassan9873]

Thats good to know.. 😊. Let's go on a date than.. hehe

[PreciousJewel]

I can but not sure if he will be getting a second one

[hassan9873]

Yeah.. not sure.. but there's always an exception..