My fiance and i have been together for 10 years. he has been pushing me away recently. i’m really needy and complain and nagging a lot for a long time. we barely talk anymore, i’d have to call him if i want to talk or even say hi. that’s if he answers me. he goes from working to his friends house and on his way to his friends house he doesn’t even bother to call and say hi. he doesn’t even take me out on dates, if we hangout it’s just at his house. i’m sad and bored. i can tell he’s tired, unhappy and over the relationship and he doesn’t tell me anything. how will i know if he wants to be left alone or wants to break up if he doesn’t say anything. like i called him 20 mins ago to ask him if he’s tired of me and he said no then i called him again to ask why he doesn’t ever call me and he didn’t answer. i’m tired of chasing him, im tired of begging him to give me attention or to even take me out on a date :( why can’t he just tell me he doesn’t want to be together anymore? we are both 31 years old!
Why does my fiance push me away?
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What's the likelihood that you'd be drawn to someone who is really needy, complains and nags a lot for a long time? You can entice him closer, or you can push him away. Your choice of behavior will determine the likely results. Learn what he appreciates rather than just focus on what you believe you're entitled to.
he doesn’t tell me what he appreciates. he happily ignores me and doesn’t answer any of my questions. i can’t call him to say hi because if he answers the first thing he says is “please no questions”
He is probably so used to hearing interrogations from you that he prepares himself for that whenever you speak. Interrogation often comes from closed-ended questions... questions that can be answered in one or two words and comes across as leading or controlling. For instance, rather than asking someone if they like skateboarding, you can ask them what types of things they enjoy doing in their spare time.
Rather than ask questions, you can say "Tell me about moments in your life that you still savor positive feelings about." "People enter relationships for various reasons. I'm curious to see this through your eyes, so I can learn what you find most meaningful." "I'd love to watch with you the movie you feel has best represented your ideal relationship." "I find it interesting to learn what has drawn our friends together to become couples." "I had a dream about you last night. You were gently holding me, and I felt so warm and safe in your arms." "Here are the things I find most impressive about you:"
Before you say or do anything, ask yourself whether you'd truly appreciate (not just tolerate) being on the receiving end of what you plan to dish out. If you wouldn't appreciate it, come up with an alternative. Never legitimize patterns that don't take you where you want to go. Pushing that square peg into the round hole harder won't raise your likelihood of getting it through the hole.
he doesn’t like talking to me like at all. he even admitted today when i called him that he’s sad that he has to ignore me. i also hate that i stay home not doing anything waiting for him to hangout with me. i asked him if i should not wait for him anymore and he didn’t say anything. so i just hung up and im not going to wait for him anymore.
I have no idea whether he doesn't communicate because he doesn't communicate with anyone, doesn't know how to communicate, or he's afraid of inviting your negativity. If he doesn't communicate with anyone, being in a relationship with him is saying you're open to a relationship with no communication. If he doesn't know how, suggest the two of you find a therapist who is qualified to teach both of you effective communication skills. If he's afraid of your negativity, then work on your own communication skills. You may have waited too long to seek help, as he may have already shut down in this area and doesn't desire to change.
Dang girl, it really seems like he's checked out of the relationship. The fact that he's always gone and isn't making time for you anymore says a lot. I know you've been together a long time, but people change. It sounds like you still want to make it work, but he's just not meeting you halfway at all.
Some people just get comfortable and stop putting in effort once they're engaged or married. Maybe he took you for granted. You deserve way better than being ignored like that! Have you tried talking to him openly about how you're feeling without nagging? Tell him you can see he's unhappy too and you don't want to keep going through the motions if he's not in it anymore. Getting married when one person wants out isn't fair to either of you.
If he still won't budge, you need to start taking care of yourself. Don't let him treat you like you're not important. You have value with or without him. He can't keep stringing you along forever without trying. Take a step back from chasing and see if he even cares. Know your worth, girl! You've got this.
I think you need to give him some space to breathe. He might me going through some something that’s stressing him out, could be completely unrelated to you or your relationship.
My boyfriend is also currently distancing himself, I’ve been giving him space, I try to cheer him up when we’re together but he doesn’t seem interested in me, he’s been hanging out with his friends a lot more, we also don’t go out on dates anymore. I gently asked him if there’s anything that’s been bothering him, he just said he’s stressed about work/life so he needs some space - so I gave it to him.
It’s not easy and tbh it hurts but if that’s what he needs right now, I will give it to him. Maybe you should consider backing away a little to let your man have his own space to process whatever’s going on. Then you can slowly try to communicate with him by asking him about what’s been bothering him. Just ask open ended questions, don’t ask things like “are you tired of us?”, it’ll get you no where. Just ask general questions about him like “anything going on in your mind lately that’s been bothering you?”