Why do men act shy when they are single and get all confident to approach you when they get into a relationship?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

When I was a freshman in university, I joined lots of youth organizations, where I met lots of successful young people.

One of them was a Senior student of another faculty, who was a genius, if my classmates needed someone who was the smartest - they always called him,

the most creative? - they called him for help,

the most sociable? - him again.

Plus he was quite sporty and athletic, as I later found out that’s because he was a sportsman too, so he was actually a champion in Eastern Europe at his sport.

He was very popular

It’s no wonder I had a tiny crush on him, even though I never showed.

I never assumed he’d like me, as I was mostly into studies and was a career oriented nerd. So, I just kept my crush as a secret and forgot about it.

He got married before I finished university.

1 year later after finishing university, when I got my things together, became more successful and independent, he got in touch with me and started texting me day and night,

he also told me “he liked me” and he was always a bit too friendly and flirty with me, getting jealous and territorial when I was talking about other men with him.

I saw him as a friend cause he was married.

We grew apart when I started dating my ex and I lost interest in every other men, including that guy from university.

However, it always stayed as a mystery for me, why’d he not be more assertive with me in university if he was attracted to me and why’d he wait till he got married?

I remembered him now, because he messaged me today again, after a long time and tried to strike a conversation. As long as I know he’s still married.

I wonder, why is he interested to start talking to me again?

Updates

5 mo

His wife is so pretty, 6 feet tall model with blond hair and green eyes. I am 160 cm and total opposite of her. Why would he talk to me when he is married to such a cute pretty woman who loves him?

Updates

5 mo

Oh I just remembered my few encounters with him. The last day I saw him I was wearing a very pretty and cute pink summer dress, that was chick and also accentuated my body very well.

I wasn’t wearing a makeup.

That night his best friend approached me and we had a nice conversation, then he joined us, brought me a glass of wine and I didn’t pay him attention. As I never thought he’d be interested in me, because all girls were around him that night.

[Finchie40]

Just because his wife might be attractive looking/ model it doesn’t mean her personality is,, she might treat him like shit or they just don’t get along well with each other anymore , and they constantly butt heads , which sadly occurs in a lot of marriages or relationships after a couple has been together for some time , and they have a hard time seeing eye to eye on things , so he is probably reaching out to you because he doesn't have those harsh feelings with you , like he does with his wife , you are probably sweet and innocent to his eyes and he feels comfort with you , he feels you probably have a good heart and that you listen to him and understand him , compared to his interactions with his wife. Usually this is how affairs occur, because a married partner or a partner is investing their time into someone else over their own partner , which could lead them to cheat or leave their partner. Sadly this happens more than we would like to think , it mainly just stems down from that person’s selfish behavior , sorry to say but your married male friend is already cheating on his wife , by him investing his time into you instead of investing his time into his wife and trying to fix his marriage , If his marriage fails or ends in divorce, I hate to say it , but you could definitely be part of that reason , even though you aren’t doing anything wrong and just being a friend to him , you are allowing him to invest time into you , which could cause his wife to resent him and feel betrayed by him , if she finds out he has been talking to you on a regular basis behind her back , Even if his wife knows he is talking to you , she might feel like he is up to no good and she might be having a hard time trusting him. I can’t tell you what to do , I am just giving you advice based off of my own experiences , Let’s just say I had my fair share of married women and Girls’s that were already in a relationship with someone else , that betrayed their husbands and partners with me , Even though I wasn’t doing anything wrong , I was wrong by allowing them to invest their time into me by being a friend to them and listening to them , not realizing they were going to show up on my doorstep throwing themselves at me. So if you want this guy to want you then keep being his friend , if you don’t want to jeopardize his marriage , you are best to distant yourself from him and stop talking to him , It’s your choice

[caring__1]

Introverts can actually come across very outgoing within their familiar structures, even if they remain shy in unfamiliar situations. Just because they might appear more extroverted in certain situations, that doesn't mean they stop being introverts. A sensitive, caring male doesn't automatically transform into becoming a female, just because those characteristics are more often seen in women.

As you became more successful and independent, your confidence grew, and you became more open to opportunities you wouldn't have previously even considered.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Maybe… But How did he know I was open to opportunities? He texted me first. We were in the same organization while in university and we only ever communicated few times.

We knew almost nothing about each other until after the time he contacted me after university.

He even told me in university he saw me more like the type of girl, who’s super driven and has no interest in anything romantic and he said he was surprised to find out I was not exactly like that.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Truthfully, I’d never expect him get interested one, my faculty was full with lots of girls, I wonder why he got intrigued by me.

[caring__1]

Chances are, he heard of or saw you associated with something that surprised him, as he felt it was out of character, based on how he saw you. That allowed him to see you in a different light and led him to reach out.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes, that might be it. Because when I got more successful I started expressing myself more freely, as I was in a better place to do so. I also became happier and more independent. He said he was very surprised about the person I turned out to be as I didn’t show that part of mine in university.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

But he said he always thought I was smart and pretty.

[caring__1]

In other words, he noticed you when you were at the university, but he didn't feel the two of you were compatible at that time. Specific qualities stood out, but the total package was lacking.

[wolfcat87]

From my experience with men, they get more confident because they have nothing to lose. Forget that they do have something to lose, some men just don't think that far. In his head, if you reject him he will still feel good now because has a woman who wants him to go home to and soothe his ego later. The increased confidence men get while in a relationship usually makes them more attractive to women and increases their odds of picking up women. He might have been insecure before her, but now she's at home telling him how hot he is and that he could get any girl. So, he starts thinking she's right! Why didn't he get any girl when he had the chance? Maybe he can now without her knowing. I've seen so many men do this that it's ridiculous at this point.

The irony is that if she dumped him he would realize that it all just went to his head and inflated his ego and he's not as hot as his wife made him think he was. Single men are less desirable than men in relationships. Then, he'd go running back to his ex wife wondering why he ever did any of this.

He's playing a dumb game, and he's going to win dumb prizes. But, so have many other men.

[RoseySarah]

Yuck hate those kinda guys.

Really it's cause they don't fear rejection or care if they are. He has a wife so fairly easy sex if needed.

Your just a play thing to him. Not serious so he can be more confident.

Sadly his wife probably knows he flirts with every women he has ever met and she probably flirts with guys.

Sadly both probably chest in that marriage good you got a boyfriend and lost interest!

As for wanting her and you... Men always want more well more people always want more.

They want their cake and to have more cake to eat!

[Still-alive]

Right i would agree they don't fear rejection because they got someone already. there's no repercussions for being rejected since they have the wife to go back to at the end of the day.

[Summeroflove]

If someone is in a relationship say HELL NO! Even go as far to tell the poor person he’s cheating on. Even form a selfish standpoint. If someone will cheat with you, they will cheat on you.


It’s also shitty to cheat and shitty to cheat with someone. Imagine if someone was sleeping with your boyfriend

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am not sleeping with anyone… Especially not with married men… Did you read the question?

[Summeroflove]

I did and I never said you were. Obviously not all men cheat either. I guess they get overconfident and there are women who do it.

But eventually they will run into the wrong person

[Summeroflove]

To be honest. Most people get brazen with stuff because either they get away with it or it’s worked before. Until they mess around with the wrong person and they find out.

See this graph 📈 that shows the fuck around and this graph 📉is find out. The more you fuck around the more you’re gonna find out.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

You think he is a cheater?

[Summeroflove]

If he is clearly trying to get with you. Then yeah. Now if it’s flirting. What’s flirting for some people isn’t for others. I can’t read minds. But you can kinda get a gut feeling about peolle

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He was also sending me his photos.

He owns a chain of gyms and he was sending me his workout photos where he is just wearing underwear.

He was asking me, if men I meet here have bigger shoulders and chest than him.

And when I said, they have pretty big shoulders, he would tell me he’d love to crash them in front of me. lol.

[Summeroflove]

lol. If you feel something is weird. Then just ask him to stop.

[Summeroflove]

Whatever his intentions may be. It’s kind of weird.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He also told me I am very attractive and that my body is the perfect body for a woman and that I should use my genetics to make myself the sexiest, for which, he sent me the workout plan and a diet. He told me I am already extremely lucky to have the type of body I have genetically and a workout will make me the model material.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah it’s really weird coming from a guy whose married. I would just tell him you don’t feel comfortable containing these conversations.

[Summeroflove]

It definitely crosses the line. Now if you got accusatory get migjt get defensive and try to gaslight and say he’s not flirting.

Whatever it is it’s weird. For a married dude to be talking to someone in that way.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes, I actually told him, that I only see him as a friend and he told me “Oh you thought I was flirting? I was just joking…” and he laughed at me that I didn’t get a joke.

How is it a joke to tell me I am so sexy, he doesn’t want me to choose any other man over him?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

After that he was often teasing me by telling me compliments and then saying, now it’s your turn to tell me “you just see me as a friend”.

[Summeroflove]

You’re right. There are situations where someone could mistake something for flirting that’s not.

But I can’t read his mind. It’s definitely weird. If you asked him to stop and he just won’t. Then he doesn’t respect your boundaries. There comes a time where you have to ask someone to just leave you alone

[Summeroflove]

Yeah a genuine complement is fine. But he’s still being a weirdo with the way he’s doing it.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

“You’re way too sexy for me to be okay with you choosing any other men but me.” How’s that not flirting? :P

[Summeroflove]

Yeah lmao 🤣 exaclty.

[Summeroflove]

*exactly. There are things that could be taken the wrong way. But that’s definitely if that’s not flirting I don’t know what is.

Whatever the intention it's weird for a married man to send that to a woman whose not his wife. I feel bad for her

[Bloodfeast]

He probably had a huge crush on you. But after being married thinking it would go away, instead it intensified.

It was pretty messed up of him to be messaging you while he is married. But maybe the last vestiges of his single life were dying and it's final gasp was messaging you.

Hopefully he is faithful to his wife now.

The root of your question seems to be at the end. Why would he like a girl who is the opposite of his wife?

You silly girls don't understand us men at all. But you're perfectly attractive and there's no such thing as an opposite. Not the way you are thinking.

Tall short curvy thin or otherwise. None of those things are opposites.

The only true opposites are hideous and beautiful.

One woman could be fat and gross and another woman equally as fat can be sexy and beautiful.

You never know. It's down to the individual. Some people have better genes for different body types.

[Stefan181]

This is an interesting one 😅
I've realized in my own life that when I am single no one shows any interest in me, but when I am in a relationship i get attention... and the person who is flirting with me doesn't know if I'm taken or not 😅
Must be a mental thing we do without even knowing

[Radiate143]

Attention. Shy when single because they are afraid of a relationship. When they land a chick they still want female Attention so they flirt. They feel ci fident because they are validated by their relationship. Men also often think that once a woman is with them, whatever she does she will stay so they act foolish. Men only understand regret.

[Anonymous]

I suspect it has to do with the fact that being with someone and knowing that you are liked/desired/wanted is a massive boost to confidence. And can make people think well if this person wants to be with me. Then so must many others.

When your single I guess it's easier to think why would anyone want to be with me. Being nervous or timid or stuff like that.

[NathanDavis]

I am just the same, either way... makes no difference to me

however, I never approach women like that if I am in relationship myself...

[Twalli]

It's weird, because I am a lot more confident with women now that I have a girlfriend. Maybe it's because you aren't trying to find a girlfriend anymore. You don't have to always appear to them in a way that will make them interested in you

[love_conquers_lust]

No pressure.

I’d steer clear of married spouses. Respect other relationships if you wish to have your own again.

[Anonymous]

he just sounds popular/social, just how he is. could be bored with his marriage (this happens quick).

[Holsen]

It’s just the ice breaking process wich has ended by the time you become in a relationship!!

[RedInnocent68]

It’s liberating when you don’t actually mean it. A lot more on the line when you’re single.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I mean why spend so much time talking to me, as a married man?

I replied his message very late, it was midnight, he saw my message and replied instantly. He seems to always be available for my message.

What kind of married man behavior is this?

I can never see myself getting close to a married man, I just replied him out of politeness as his message was polite and empty of any pushy flirt.

[RedInnocent68]

Evidently, not very good. For some it’s a turn on and their spouse is the beneficiary. Others are always looking trade up. But there are also girls that prefer the taken ones, whether for the hook up or the challenge.

[Snakeyes7]

I think it's because of the mentality of "i managed to somehow get this woman, maybe it isn't as difficult as I initially thought" and then misapply this newfound confidence.

[pickles77]

Maby something is missing in his marriage or he’s just trying to cheat

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Why me? Do I look like I am okay with being an other woman?

[pickles77]

It could have been your relationship with him, he must think you could be open to it

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I didn’t have any relationship with him. In university I was into studies, have never flirted with him. We just had a philosophical conversation once, that was all. He was talking I was listening. Other than that we didn’t contact much in university.

[pickles77]

How did you respond when he flirted with you?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I ignored.

[pickles77]

Did you like it though, like did you smile or anything?

[pickles77]

Maby he’s just a player

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

We were texting.

[pickles77]

Okay yeah I’d just tell him you’re not interested

[Mike87479]

I couldn’t answer that. Im always shy around attractive women.

[WhitneySnow]

I don’t get that either

[Jennz6]

I’m not really sure?

[Jennz6]

Maybe not interested in you anymore

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

In his wife you mean?

[Jennz6]

@lafemmefatale_1 yeah