Im embarrassed to tell my new guy who my ex is but he wants to know. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

I really like the guy I'm dating rn. It's getting serious pretty fast. He told me that he would be open to making things official but it bothered him that I withheld information when he asked me who my ex boyfriend was. I told him who my first boyfriend was and he actually knew him personally and had hung out with him and even talked about me in that exes presence. He disclosed to me that he said he wanted to date me years ago in the presence of my ex and he told him back then that I was his ex. I was pretty mortified because that particular ex played me and ghosted me for another girl and I hate the memories associated with getting played so I just don't like to talk about him. The fact that he knew my first ex boyfriend on such a personal level made me uncomfortable to talk about my most recent ex. He asked me about it a few weeks ago and I just didn't want to go into detail. I'm no longer interested in my recent ex and am fully wanting to move on but I don't want to talk about him because he also made me feel bad about myself due to to the way I allowed him to treat me. I let him get away so much bad stuff that I regret and I don't like talking about it especially to a man I want to respect me. My new man told me that he knew what my first ex did and it didn't make him lose respect for me. He also admitted that he believed me when I said I wasn't attached to my exes or keeping in contact with any of them but that if we wanted things to be official he wanted to feel comfortable asking me anything and not being met with secrecy. I understand where he is coming from and I want to move forward. I think his honesty about what he expects is pretty straightforward and its my choice whether we move forward or not. But I cannot bring myself to talk about my ex knowing that he treated me so poorly and I allowed it. It's embarrassing

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn girl, that's super embarrassing having to talk about exes that did you dirty like that. I get why you just don't wanna go there. But this new guy also deserves to know who he's potentially getting serious with, you know?

A few thoughts:

- Maybe just be real brief about the ex - like his name, when you dated, how long, but keep it super surface level. No need to get into nasty details.

- Reassure your guy that you're 100% over the ex and don't have any contact. Make it clear you're looking forward not back.

- Compliment your new man while talking about it. Like say how much you appreciate that he actually respects you, unlike Ex. Flatter him a bit.

- You could also say you don't want to dwell in the past, so can keep it short and sweet if he knows the basics.

- He seems like an open dude so maybe opening up a tiny bit will make him trust you more in the long run.

- Take a deep breath first if you need! And remember, what that ex did says everything about him and nothing about you.

You got this! A little vulnerability could go a long way to making things official with a good guy. And then you never have to think of the ex again ☺️

[Joker_]

I wouldn't tell him if I were you

[Asker]

Okay I won't. Can I ask why you think it's a bad idea to tell him? Ik my own reasons but just want to know other perspectives

[getwiththepg]

The same reasons you don’t want to tell him. Unless he raped you or was beating you up everyday there’s really no reason to go into details about him if you don’t want to open that can of worms yourself. It belongs to you & you only.