Me and a guy agreed to a casual, consistent fling with no commitment. We said no lies, games or drama… just for him to ghost after sex? What did I do?

[Anonymous]

We hung out twice to go out to eat. Third time I brought food to his place before we hooked up. He also was kissing my forehead, trying to hold my hand, cuddle, do lovey dovey things and wanted me to stay the night as well. We also texted every day. He was calling me pet names which I also didn’t understand (since it was casual) but I just went with the flow assuming maybe he just a romantic? But overall, we BOTH agreed on a consistent casual fling with NO commitment, NO games or drama. He was preaching to the moon that he’s big on communication, hate liars and anything we are feeling at any moment, we should just speak up (which made me even more confused on why he doesn’t practice what he preach and decided to ghost). I was thinking maybe the sex was bad? But other than sex, I gave him h**d 3 times in that night including waking him up to morning h**d and fed him right after lol! So yeah I’m pretty confused?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo that's messed up. This dude really played you, not cool at all.

It sounds like he just wanted you for the sex and once he got that he dipped out. All the sweet talk and cuddling was just to reel you in and get in your pants. Then he bailed without even talking to you about it. Super shady.

The way I see it, he was either just looking for a hookup and didn't actually want something consistent. Or maybe he's just not ready for anything casual and got overwhelmed. Either way, going no contact after saying all that stuff about communication is weak as hell on his part.

I wouldn't even stress about what you did or how the sex was. Dude clearly just wasn't honest from the jump. Some guys will say anything to close the deal. Don't take it personal, he's the one being a little bitch. You didn't do anything wrong. Just move on and find someone who's actually about what they preach, ya feel me? His loss.

[Asker]

Yeah I agree with definitely shady! Honestly if he was no longer interested, I truly wouldn’t have made a big deal anyway because we agreed on a drama-free, consistent fling with no feelings. I really would’ve said “okay, thanks for the great time! Wish you the best!” and carry on with no animosity lol. I just never understood the point of him ghosting because what are you so scared of?

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that really is freaking lame of him to ghost like that after agreeing to keep things drama-free. Like you said, if he was losing interest that's whatever, just be straight up about it. What's with dudes feeling like they have to sneak away to avoid confrontation? You were totally cool with just keeping it casual.

I'll bet he was catching feelings more than he planned to and got spooked. Sometimes guys think acting all affectionate will distract from real feelings developing, but it doesn't really work like that. Then when he realized he liked you more than just a hookup, ghosting was his cowardly way of dealing without having to actually talk about it.

I'd say try not to take it personal - he clearly was the one who couldn't handle his own emotions. You did everything right by being honest upfront. His communication fail isn't a reflection on you at all. Just gotta chuckle that he was preaching it but couldn't practice it himself. Hope the next dude you're with is less shady and can just be real with you from the jump. You deserve way better than a ghoster!

[Asker]

Exactly! I think nobody can ever get mad at the truth especially of losing interest. I really would be perfectly okay with ending ties with that communication. It’s just the lies, creating unnecessary drama and not “practicing what you preach” that irks me more than anything! Like just be an adult, say you’re no longer interested and move on lol. Thanks for the response!

[Oliverlogan263]

For sure anytime luv, you hit the nail on the head. If someone is straight up and just says they lost interest, that's totally cool - we've all been there. It's the lying and sneaking around that really ticks me off!

Like come on man, just be real. We had a good thing going, the least you can do is be honest instead of making excuses. Practicing what you preach is so important too. If you're gonna say one thing, you gotta back it up.

I respect that you can roll with it though. Not everyone would be as chill about it. At the end of the day it's his loss - you seem like a pretty awesome woman and you'll find someone way better who can communicate for real.

Anyway, forget that clown. More important things to worry about than some flake. Keep your head up luv!.

[Avicenna]

Well, that apparently is all he wanted- a hookup

[Asker]

Which I agreed to. But we both specifically said no games or drama. And we also did not want a one time thing either and agreed to have open communication throughout this at any time. We wanted a consistent fling (more than once).

[Avicenna]

Well, how long has it been since you two had sex?

[Asker]

We hooked up this past Wednesday/Thursday. He hasn’t said anything since. But we were texting every day prior to the hookup. This is the longest we haven’t spoke (which made me assume he ghosted). Again we both agreed on no relationship, just casual and consistent hooking up buddy. But we both said from beginning we did not want a one time thing and that honesty and consistency was key — along with whatever issue we got with anything, just be real about it, instead of playing games or having drama.

[Asker]

I also reached out yesterday (as a follow up text), still nothing from him 😊.

[Avicenna]

Could be that he is doing this with other women. He may also assume he can just contact you when he wants to have sex.

[Asker]

Got it. Which makes sense. He’s technically single so he’s not entitled to owing me anything. I just find that him preaching “honesty is key, wanting no drama with open communication is so important”… to doing the complete opposite and going MIA instead of being real is strange behavior as an adult.

[Avicenna]

Yeah, well, he wouldn't be the first person to do that

[Asker]

That’s very true. It’s definitely more common. I just think it’s ironic how people want honesty and drama free situations but somehow don’t practice what they preach lol! Thanks for the response!

[In_Trance]

wdym what should you do?

[Anonymous]

He bored from you

[Asker]

Can you explain why you think he did all of those lovey-dovey gestures when we both agreed on casualty? I see some guys lie about wanting a relationship just to have sex and ghost (which would explain those actions just to get some)… but if we both agreed to casualty and nothing more, why do all of that?