I dated a former co worker that came out of an 8 year relationship with someone who was 9 years older than her and i was 2 years younger. She claimed it was a toxic relationship and very abusive so her mental health went down and she claimed that she likes to take things slow. Im very empathetic about these things so i was patient with her because when we went on our first date she wasn't really talkative and her body language was closed off like she didn't trust me which i didn't really take offense to. I asked her if she is seeing anyone else or been on any other dates and she said she went on a date with one of my other co workers but it was awkward and they decided against seeing each other like that. We would text each other almost daily but the communication usually ended after 10 without fail but she would message me back in the morning. There was a co worker party and we all went including the other guy she dated and that night it was like i was invisible to her and the other guy got really drunk and basically got in a depressed state saying that she was playing me. I just chalked it down to him being jelous because he overstepped her boundaries but later on he sent me revealing pictures of her saying she was interested in him that way but he didn't take her up on it. At this rate i didn't know who to trust anymore and my self esteem kind of plummeted. He also publicly called her out and she got very defensive and emotional and i took her home and didn't hear from her in a week then she came to work and started being all warm and friendly like nothing happend. I was going to bring up the subject on our 2nd date but she then started saying she had a death in the family so i struggled to bring up the subject with her as i felt the timing wouldn't be right. But i was still struggling thinking to myself am i being used emotionally? I expressed my feelings to her eventually but not in the right setting and she basically said im pushing it and things ended.
I dont know if I was being played or being pushy?
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What she did with anyone else isn’t your concern. The guy got drunk and showed you something you simply weren’t meant to see, and you’re questioning her? Nah.
thats true but when someone tells you they like to take things slow and you find out that what they said doesn't match their values then you are going to question their authenticity. They acted like they were the victim and innocent but that wasn't the case. If they were honest and more open i wouldn't care.
It doesn’t make what she said any less true. She told you she wanted to taking things slow because of past experiences … probably like dating jerk offs who show off photos that weren’t meant for anyone’s eyes but him. She’s allowed to have that preference.
Thats fair but im also allowed to voice my feelings. Communication goes a long way and i didn't get anything clear from her while dating. Ill leave it at that, thanks for your opinion.
It does sound like she’s not in a good place to be dating right now. I wish more people had more discretion about this. Those who have healing to do need to focus on that more than anything else.
Yeah there was more to the story but i could only write so much, i could tell them they needed time to heal and during our argument i told her i cared for her and that she has to do the work herself no one can help her and she claimed she is helping herself but fast forward just a few days after we cut contact i saw her on a dating site and she put down marriage as a relationship that she is after so yeah she moved on pretty quick to the next target.
Sounds like she was just not ready to date and did for the attention
which would be understandable due to what she experienced but as you said clearly she needs to heal and her way of coping is for attention i guess. If i didn't find out about her being devious with other people i would of been more patient.
Not worth the trouble in my opinion.