How do I start a friends with benefits relationship? How do I make it clear i’m not looking for something serious?

[DreamCrescent]

[Anonymous]

As a girl, this should be pretty simple. You do so as follows:

Step 1: find a (single) guy you are attracted to
Step 2: tell him you'd like to have a friends with benefits relationship with him where you fuck regularly with no strings attached
Step 3a: He says "HELL yes!" and you proceed to get it on
Step 3b: He says "No." Go back to Step 1 and repeat

If you're even marginally attractive you shouldn't need to iterate more than twice and very likely you'll get it on the first go.

[DreamCrescent]

okay thanks but i was trying to get involved with a stranger like meet on a dating app. and the question was how do i set that expectation as people on dating apps (besides tinder) are actually looking for connections and serious relationships.
and i know tinder is the obvious choice but it’s so trashy and scary. overwhelming if you’re on there for an hour there’s 99+ likes and a million messages from randos wanting to f*ck. it’s quite unnerving and really uncomfortable

[Opinion Owner]

Simple: you get on a site (even TInder) and you ignore any incoming message. Then you find guys you'd want to have an friends with benefits relationship with and you reach out to them explaining what you'd like. You ONLY reply to dudes you've reached out to and you ignore anyone else.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for most helpful! Let me know how it goes!

[DreamCrescent]

really?

i’d actually like to report back. totally for it if you don’t mind

unrelated: why to people post as anonymous? aren’t we all pretty anonymous on here anyway?

[Opinion Owner]

Cool! I just added you. If you add me back you can message me. I'll tell you all about it!

[Finchie40]

Just be upfront and honest about it , especially nowadays , FWB’s seems to be the go to thing that a lot of people are doing these days , because they are scared to jump into a committed relationship with someone right away.

[JacobJordan]

No such thing. Friends care about each other. You are looking for a person you don't care about who also doesn't care about you so you two can then fuck which ultimately will mean 1 or both of you will catch feelings. Course you will both deny them because you actually think you can be intimate without getting close. Eventually someone will spill and you'll end up going your separate ways. And at the end of it all you will unfortunately have a lower chance at a future healthy and happy relationship

[DreamCrescent]

okay

that’s sounding like the majority opinion 😕

oh well

[JacobJordan]

I guess the larger question here is why aren't you looking for something serious? Or why couldn't you be with someone romantically have the sex be the partners and just not put all the "pressure" that makes a relationship serious. You spend time together when able you are exclusive you both pay your own way and maybe little gifts etc might even end up married without paying attention or putting any pressure to "be serious"

[DreamCrescent]

it’s exactly what i don’t have bandwidth for. it’s not a larger question at all

it’s a matter of expectations. i know i don’t have much to give at this point in time as i’ve recently been emptied emotionally and hung out to dry. haven’t recharged yet and i won’t be stringing someone along like I’m open and ready for a relationship. guys tend to see me as wifey material and that’s just not me right now despite the energy i exude. it’s just not the right time, pressure or not i haven’t the capacity to show romance or thoughtfulness or kindness. just want a warm body when it’s lonely and cold

it shouldn’t take this much defending and justification. and notice it’s the guys who are of the opinion it won’t work out. maybe they don’t know how expectations work. maybe they only see a woman as a loyal dog or a robot as opposed to a person with complexity

whatever

[Tapeworm]

Spread your legs, shut your arms, buy my mug and use it on your first date with him:

While wearing my t-shirt.

[pickles77]

You might end up getting feelings but try to keep things pretty casual, don’t talk to him as often as you would with a romantic relationship. Keep your space but have fun together and maby hook
Up with a younger guy like me. There are already enough barriers between age gaps so it would be a little easier to just hook up

[ProbablyClueless]

All you can do is verbally communicate your boundaries and not get psychotic in enforcing them.

It turns out that the vast majority of people can't handle casual romantic entanglements. You'll likely be searching for a long time, but hopefully, you'll be able to find something.

[AutumnSerenity]

Find a friend and tell them about their new benefits. Just kidding. Trust and diseases aside, simply ask a friend what they think about that type of “relationship” and go from there.

[Nikki1989]

By being honest and saying what you want, and hopefully you will know someone with a big enough brain to understand it.

[Nik1hil]

Just be upfront, say it to him.

That, "I want something that will end in heartbreak and pain for both of us."

[DreamCrescent]

🤣🤣🤣

omg a bunch of cynics

duly noted okay i honestly don’t see the harm in it. y’all are just on such a different page in your life, can’t imagine other types of circumstances

[Nik1hil]

"If you don't date to Marry, then you date to Heartbreak."

It a 2 choice questions.
1) A lifetime of being together.
2) Heartbreak..

There is no third Option

[Ironic_Method]

By saying exactly that. Can't guarantee that they won't catch feelings either way.

[Yannae]

By literally telling him that this is what you want. That he shouldn't expect something to go beyond this.

[TheSpaceGnome]

If you have to clarify that, then they aren't interested in such nonsense.

[Anonymous]

the way mine have worked is when a guy approaches me and i like him i'll say is friends with benefits ok? and we're off to the races

[SunnyRS]

Just tell them from the start what you want and no hard feelings after we separate, so even if they do develop some feelings you can leave them.

[Brady]

Tell them n if they agree u got it. B sure they aren't in a relationship.

[KrakenAttackin]

Just pick a guy, any guy, and tell him what you want.

[Twalli]

Tell him you need and want his cock, and nothing else.

[spartan55]

Why would you want that?

[DreamCrescent]

i’ve explained to more than one person who has already asked why

[spartan55]

It won't work. You have a big ego though so I'm sure you've got it all figured out.

[DreamCrescent]

k
why? so one night stands isn’t my style. why wouldn’t i just lay out the boundaries and terms?

[spartan55]

Or maybe be single god forbid... friends with benefits NEVER works and 9/10 the woman gets hurt.

[Anonymous]

I'm looking for the same. Where do you live?

[DreamCrescent]

california

[DJB72]

Show up naked with food

[DreamCrescent]

right. no it was a serious question

[UnderstandingLume]

Hands down, I would immediately be open to any ideas suggested like friends with benefits if that happened.

[DJB72]

Ok, a more serious answer:

Why would you close the door to something serious before anything has started? Do you value yourself so little that you think all you're worth is to be a source of sexual release for someone else until they find someone they consider worth giving more? Do you think so little of the guy you want to have this arrangement with that you think it's all he's worth?

I'd ask a guy the same questions by the way.

If you can't answer them, or they make you so uncomfortable your reflex is to block me for asking them then good - it's possible you're not actually dead inside.

If you're not prepared to consider them, then my suggestion to start the conversation with the person who all you want to do is have a sex deal with stands. Show up with food and make the offer.

I don't know you personally. Probably. But I'm certain you're worth more than that.

[DreamCrescent]

Dude

I don't know where your perspective is coming from that leads you to that wanting a noncommittal relationship is asking to be a "worthless source of sexual release". Where did you get the impression about how much or how little I value myself? Is sex so demeaning to you?

I don't have a particular guy in mind that I want this relationship with. I just know that's all I want out of a relationship at the time being...

Not dead inside, thanks for the judgmental accusation... consider next time when you're being a prick that you're perhaps being a prick

A relationship takes two. I just got out of one. I feel a bit depleted emotionally that I don't have much to give into a new one. But I'd like a cuddle here or there, a hang out sometimes.

That's all I can give at the moment; why do I need your approval or am I obligated to answer your judgy questions?

So, obviously life hasn't given you enough experience or any life lessons to realize it's more complicated than being in your type of stereotypical relationship or self-hatred / low self-worth. It happens. It isn't an indicator of low self-worth, fyi... it's actually points to someone who is capable and knows what they want or how much they're willing to give

My question was simply on how to broach the topic, what to say. Didn't need your lecture on what I should do with my relationships

[DJB72]

First, no. Sex is not demeaning. That's kind of the point. It's the heartbeat of a healthy marriage.

John Wayne's opinion was that he was only responsible for what he said, not what you inferred. While I hold that view, my intention was not one of judgement. I'm far from perfect.

You (generic use) give more than is realised when involved in a sexual relationship. It's impossible not to. I get the need for a cuddle.

As to the lessons life has given me, I'm 51. Since I turned 9 almost everyone I've loved has died. Including my brother who was killed before I was 13.

In the last 4 years I lost 3 months to a coma, during which I technically died. Two weeks after I woke up I had to have my leg amputated because I was too weak to survive antibiotics and it was taken off under conscious sedation because an anaesthetic would also have killed me.

Kid yourself about it being "points" about capability if you want to.

Like I said before, I don't know you personally - probably. But I am 100% certain you are worth infinitely more than you can possibly imagine.

That's not a judgement on you personally, just an observation based on watching most of my family and friends die over the last 40 years. Most people have no idea until they're literally dying just how much they are worth to the people who love them.

[DreamCrescent]

okay noted

you’ve still decided sleeping with someone on my own terms and keeping an emotional distance is a wrong thing to do. that’s your prerogative

in any case, sorry about everything you’re going through. you seem like a decent person, albeit somewhat opinionated and prejudiced

[DJB72]

I consider myself a work in progress. I've also learned that what's "prejudiced" in one generation is a "norm" in another. There's a lot of that with Gen-X to other age groups.

As to being opinionated, guilty as charged. But it doesn't mean I'm judging anyone who has a different opinion. Just that it's unlikely mine will change 😉

[ShellyBo]

It's as easy as falling off a log.

[sheikalana]

You tell them what you want.

[Wise4myage]

Just be honest and straight forward.

[vicphilips]

I would love to ur friends with benefits 🙃

[DreamCrescent]

thank you. you're kinda young

[vicphilips]

Its ok but no worries I won't bite you anyway we can be friends too so I don't see any Obstacle to speak

[vicphilips]

Are you here?

[DreamCrescent]

where?

[vicphilips]

I Want to be friends with you I mean 🙃🤗

[DreamCrescent]

okay. consider us friends, then.

jeez

[vicphilips]

I can't text to you 🙃

[vicphilips]

Just I Want to help you But look at this rudeness you've done

[vicphilips]

Whatever

[DreamCrescent]

okay. thank you. flattered

you’re kinda young and it’s borderline pedophilia. i don’t swing that way

besides i was thinking about a friends with benefits in real life, not online ugh

[vicphilips]

Is it pedophilia? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Wtf? Im 24 yo wake up please 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[vicphilips]

How do you know I won't come to you after we get to know each other online?

[DreamCrescent]

jesus, son of mary
what in this entire thread gave you the impression I’m trying to get to know someone at all? online or irl?

you know something? you seem sweet and genuine. be careful of wearing your heart on your sleeve and obliging any random person

i hope you make someone age appropriate really happy. and i hope they recognize you for your lovely attitude and do the same

still 37. still going to decline

but thank you kindly. you made my day

[vicphilips]

I was curious where are you from 🤣🤣🤣

[DreamCrescent]

california

[vicphilips]

The woman who is unaware of the law. I feel sorry for you 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[DreamCrescent]

ummm? so the law is semantics. reduces age to a number

it’s not the number to me, it’s relative. i didn’t say “i can’t sleep with you bcz in california i’d go to jail for that”
i said for this type of age difference it would feel like I’m sleeping with a baby and i don’t swing that way.

but it’s personal and i understand. maybe some other woman might find it hot. not my cup of tea though

[vicphilips]

Lol lol lol

[riverrat3]

Friends first, tell them what you want

[Danny_dan92]

Communication

[Luckycharms12]

Just say it

[Enginn]

Keep it real

[Rc2020]

Just hit me up