My boyfriend doesn't want me to do a job, have make friends because he thinks it leads to cheating and I'm ok with his conditions. Am I doing right?

[Anonymous]

Updates

4 mo

*male friends

[Finchie40]

So your boyfriend is letting you know , that he doesn’t trust you what so ever , so that sounds like a great relationship let me tell you lol Especially if you like being controlled and not trusted by him , that’s going to make love grow between the both of you for sure….. Do yourself a favor and dump his ass , and find yourself a guy that loves you for you , that respects you for you , that trusts you, no matter what. When a partner tries to control your decisions in life , that isn’t Love , that is insecurity and selfishness , Your boyfriend is a selfish insecure person that only thinks of himself , but when it comes to you , he only wants things his way or no way , that isn’t Love that is actually abuse. It’s ok for a partner to get a little jealous and little insecure , but it’s not ok for a partner to make decisions for you and tell you what you can and can not do that’s control and abuse , So if you want that job , go for that job , if your boyfriend can’t handle you working with male co workers then I’m sorry he doesn’t trust you. And you will never be happy being with someone that doesn’t trust you and tries to eliminate you from doing things you want to do , your best bet is to kick his ass to The curb where he belongs , because the things he is telling you not to do is probably things he is doing to you behind your back , he is pointing fingers at you for his own selfish behavior, Do yourself a favor girl and get rid of his ass , he doesn’t truly love you , he loves himself.

[chrissykerdock]

i have to agree with you... you made me laugh while reading it but it's true... and if he really feels that way it's only going to get worse down the road... like an ID episode.

[dynamicyandere]

Lol, that first line really makes it clear. It’s true. The boyfriend doesn’t trust OP whatsoever. Why does he feel the need to treat his girlfriend like a hostage?

[Finchie40]

The only time a guy should even consider telling a girl what to do , is in the bedroom 😋

[AviatorTom]

If that's okay with you, I'm not going to say it's wrong. Read some of the other responses to your question... and then you decide for yourself.

[Natasha2024]

What makes your boyfriend thinks it leads to cheating, he's working right? Does that mean he's cheating? I was in a similar position where my boyfriend completely made sure he isolated me from my friends, made me quit my job all because he says it leads to cheating. Recently found out he's been cheating. It might not be the same with your boyfriend but we live in a modern world and trust is really important in a relationship. He needs to trust you and know that even if you're working you won't cheat. And not just that, working is a way for you to advance yourself. Women sacrifice themselves so much for men only to be heartbroken. First check if things with him are 100% before you compromise. Some men are weak minded and will leave you all on your own as soon as they get a chance. And he is only your boyfriend I don't think he's worth the risk. Soon he'll start comparing you to other women who work and provide for themselves its not worth the damage. If he thinks you're going to cheat he's probably doing things that make him think you're just like him.

[PeachyPie93]

No because in the future if you two ever break up, you will end up in a bad position. With no job experience and not many friends.

[Asker]

Yeah it's horrible to imagine

[PeachyPie93]

Yes it really is.

[DextroShade]

You sound extremely insecure.

[Asker]

@DextroShade insecurity is common in a true love

[OlderAndWiser]

1. His paranoia about you cheating reflect poorly on his mental health.
2. If you accede to his demands, it will only get worse. He will want to control what you wear when you leave the house, what makeup you wear, your hairstyle, who you talk to on the phone, etc.
3. Are you willing to be dependent on him for all of your social contact?

This is a horrible red flag and you will later hate yourself if you ignore it now.

[HawkPerception]

Damnit man you always take all the good points 😂

💯 as always 👍

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

You don’t need such insecure man, go get a job.

[Flatmanlewis]

My wife work in a male dominated field. She is on call and her phone may go off at 2 AM and I wake up to an empty bed and a note saying she’s 50 miles away for work. I too, am on call, and may leave on a moments notice. Add to that she works in a male dominated field (over the course of her career probably 80% - 100% of her coworkers have been male).


Viewed properly this is good for me because it means I must be a good catch for her to have picked me out of all the competition I knowingly or unknowingly had. My wife attracts no shortage of male attention and had plenty of options before I came along.


Viewed improperly (like your boyfriend) I could be intimidated by the competition presented by other males. Rather than erect a wall of rules and removing my support I just make sure I love her so much that she will have no reason to seek to fulfill her needs elsewhere.


I think your boyfriend has some insecurities and that’s far more of a concern than your workplace.

[Kori1236]

He is a walking red flag. It’s not a circus it’s a red flag get out asap. He’s essentially telling you he doesn’t trust you. Cutting you off from independence and a support system. He sounds manipulative and will gaslight you. Again leave. You can do better than him

[Asker]

Last two lines seems horrible

[Daniela1982]

Sure, if you like him to tell you how to live your life and be subject to his rules. Is there any reason why he CAN'T trust you? Come on, spill your guts. Any reason at all? If he has no reason not to trust you then tell him to kiss your ass. Sometimes when they are doing the same thing, such as cheating, they will put you on the defensive so that you will be trying to prove yourself while he is laughing at you while he does other girls on the side.

[rosemilk]

my male friends are usually my husbands friends that became my friends because they are cool to hang out with. i don't think i'd feel comfortable with my partner telling me who to be friends and who not to be friends with... when you hang out with friends, does your boyfriend not come along? you two don't mix friend groups?

now for the job thing, why doesn't he want you to have a job? in this economy where everything is x5 more expensive? this dude is too controlling and he's only your boyfriend. not like it's as serious if you two were married or something

[AaronKrieger]

Do whatever you want for the type of relationship you specifically want. It doesn't matter if others wouldn't want it, since it's not theirs.

However, I would consider the fact you might not be cool with that one day and it could lead to massive conflicts down the road. A lot of marriages end because of that exact reason - people change and this one you have a high chance for. People are naturally ambitious and want more even if it is to a small degree.

[JacobJordan]

Wife response: not having male friends as a woman is a good idea. However do you not want a job or does he not want you to have one and that is why you don't. If the former then nothing wrong with that if the second that could be a problem in the future

[genericname85]

it's your life. your decision. if you're happy, you're doing allright, i guess. tho i personally think: if my partner would not allow me to have female friends cause "that leads to cheating", that means she doesn't trust my loyalty. i'd feel insulted and not choose to be with such a person.

[IslaTheWitch]

Communication, trust, respect... Three pillars of a relationship.

He communicates, at least in the area of his requirements. But he doesn't trust you and doesn't respect you... it could be done in a healthy way, but it wasn't...

It's your decision what you allow other people to do to you. Just keep in mind that this time, you agree with him. And what if he communicates with you the same way, something you hate? Will you have an option to say "no, I disagree"?

[veganrogue]

For me it all comes down to trust. I wouldn't even have a friendship with someone I didn't trust or someone who doesn't trust me, forget about an intimate relationship. He's super controlling and insecure. If it works for you great. If it doesn't, then find a guy whose secure in the fact that you are faithful and can deal with your platonic relationships with other guys, work, friends, etc.

[Guido]

No, you are not doing the right thing. This is a control technique used and it totally isolates you from friends and family. He will totally control every aspect of your life. A lot of these men are abusers as well.

These relationships never end well for the woman.

For your own good, stay clear of men like this.

[sheikalana]

I agree with not having male friends but not wanting someone to have a job is wild. If your age is correct you're too young not to work you don't even know if you're going to be with this guy next week. He sounds controlling.

[Daniela1982]

@sheikalana He doesn't want her to have a job so that she has to rely on him for all her needs. She certainly can't take care of herself without having a job. Hmmm, sounds like the Government. 😯😝

[sheikalana]

@Daniela1982 what an insecure boyfriend she has.

[Drumlin2001]

Persoanlly I'd say no. Sounds like a play direct from an abusers handbook, isolate their victim from anyone who may be able to make them see sense. But you do you

[DryGermanGuy]

It’s going to isolate you from a lot of people and opportunities and if he decides to leave you, you will stand there alone.

[Kaamraj]

If you are okay and he's okay then no one else matters. But do realize that if he's compensating you for your time then it's all well, else you're going to lose here.

[wiltingrosepetal]

That's what we in the business call an insecure lover. Fact of the matter is, if you don't love yourself, you shouldn"t date. His insecurity is toxic and controlling

[nawtee_me]

Your boyfriend is the jealous type and always will be. Jealousy stems from a lack of trust. He has trust issues. Relationships are built on trust not on trust issues. Your relationship is built on issues that will always be there. Is that the relationship you want?

[ColHathi]

... I mean whatever works for you two, but that sounds insane to me, and I'd be concerned that he wouldn't be able to control his jealousy if that's what he's asking of you.

[Kokoaquest]

He who points the finger has three fingers pointing back at him.