Why do some women want to "fix" men?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

The last woman who decided to "fix" me was the one who introduced me to hard drugs.

[RavVid]

An aspect of it can be love to help you genuinely improve for your benefit but it also can be a selfish urge to make you better for her. Or it could be the pleasure we all take in training/taming an animal.

I want to make a point here. Do we give love to children or pets radically differently to the way we give love to our adult partners?

If we look closely I think we will find we don't. We tone it down quite a lot but it wouldn't make architectural sense to have a child love center and an adult love center in our brains. More sensible to have one love center and moderate the output differently for adults, children and pets.

One girlfriend was highly encouraging. In what way would she be different in being encouraging on my work triumph and encouraging a child to walk? Just less overblown but still love motivated. I quite appreciated her encouraging positivity to my ejaculations inside her. They made a very good thing even better.

The girl might be misguided in the improvement of me for me. The improvement for her might be beneficial to me or adverse. Ditto for training.

Embedded in the question is the implication that there is something negative & adverse going on. Not necessarily. The woman you mentioned was really getting you to buy drugs for her - very negative & adverse. Getting you to buy flowers weekly is still selfish but if she is happily appreciative and gives good vigorous sex as a result it is still beneficial for you.

Men, women, children and pets all work on improving the environment for themselves. Just cost benefit analyse it.

[Anonymous]

These types of women simply do not understand what a healthy relationship is. Pity them. Get away from them as quick as you can, but pity them. Because you can go find a healthy relationship. These women do not know how. So she'll always be u happy and never fully understand why.

[Account]

Speaking strictly for myself, it has never been directed only towards men. I had the horrible habit of wanting to fix everything/every situation and everyone.
I had to stop, since I was starting to lose myself in the process and admittedly, it is also kind of intrusive and being intrusive in any way or form, is not something I would ever want.
People who are the way I also was, are usually very selfish and self-righteous and we are also kind of controlling even if the intentions are pure. Helping others, apart from the nice feeling we receive of being able to aid someone, of being useful and helpful, it also gives us a sense of control and peace in an uncertain world. It is not black and white.
Even if the intention is pure, even if we just want to focus on making other people's lives easier, in the end we end up neglecting ourselves.
The act can seem altruistic, but it is nowhere near it to the core. It is more selfish than it looks.

[Account]

Thank you!

[Amara_09]

They are good people with good hearts.


If doubt them them or don’t need be fixed then you shouldn’t waste their time. Go be a bad man and suffer on your own

[OlderAndWiser]

I suspect that such women have low self esteem and think they do not deserve to have a man unless he is a broken man who needs to be repaired.

[Anonymous]

Broken people attract broken people. Women (and men who do this) don’t want to “fix” their partner so much as they subconsciously gravitate towards the types of love they got as a child. Human brains don’t pick what’s best for you, they pick what is familiar.

[Nikki1989]

Those women are nuts. Most men are not worth fixing.

[LazerBean]

It's a weird hero complex, possibly a mental illness. "I'm so amazing that I fixed what nobody else could."

[AaronKrieger]

I have seen men like that before and I am guessing a lot of the time it's insecurity and for some others it's also due to their upbringing.

[smashleyy]

Viewing romantic partners as self improvement projects usually stems from having to “fix” a parental figure in childhood

[lightbulb27]

The broken… find broken… as they wanted fixed themselves. Projection? Maybe they are already healed or not.
Some like projects…

[pethouse]

It’s not just women who do that. I use to have that problem of wanting to fix other people. The reason I did it was because I myself am broken and when I saw progress in helping someone else it made me feel like I was helping myself.

[Guido]

They can't find a good one so they need a fixer upper.

Some women want to try to mold their man into what they want and that never works. You cannot change a person to be something else. What you see is what you get.

[Anonymous]

Yep, they first break him and then pretend to fix him—sadistic pleasure, you know!

[Thestupidusername]

Thats a major red flag..