So my friends with benefits and I met on hinge and we’ve been hanging for a month now; He often reminds me he doesn’t want anything serious and we can’t let it get serious yet acts in a mixed vibe. He will call me everyday. Like he hides in the washroom at work to call me and once even when he was on the potty at home (ik weird). He even once called randomly to make me “laugh” after seeing I wasn’t doing well on my ig story tho i didn’t mention it to him.
While it’s not consistent communication there’s just him giving mixed signals. He goes like it’s easy for me to catch feels cause I like ur vibe but I can control myself. he is a little bit of a manipulative and gaslighting guy who thinks it’s fun but after a mini spat he realized I didn’t like the behavior and he stopped it. He still avoids topics that I ask and if he doesn’t wanna answer. Like he took random ss of me on our snap call when I was doing smth nd gave a shit excuse and brushed it off. We’ve become better friends now and feel comfy to share other things.
Since then he’s been better with me and fast forward the holiday szn he had to fly out of town to see his family and me to mine. He called me to say he wouldn’t be talking to me till 3rd jan cause he wants to stay off his phone and spend time with fam and be disciplined and he didn’t wanna seem like he is ghosting me. We still snap but no talk. I had a bit of a sad mood which I put on my social and he replied saying he was there for me if I needed him and I could call him whenever. Since then we haven’t spoken but I’ve noticed he sees my stories and snaps fairly quick, likes my posts within 5-10 mins of posting. He screen recorded our chat and when I asked him he said he was tryna find smth. He didn’t even wish me for new year despite me sending a snap till I text again.
I think he may have started catching feels and he doesn’t want that so he’s trying to keep distance but I don’t wanna be delusional
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Sounds like this dude is confusing mixed signals for sure. On one hand he's calling you a lot and being there when you're feeling down, but then saying he doesn't want anything serious and is trying to distance himself now.
Guys can be kinda dense sometimes with emotions. My guess is he probably started developing feelings without realizing it, and now that scares him so he's pulling away to protect himself. But he also doesn't want to fully cut you off cause he enjoys your company. It's a classic friends with benefits catch-feelings situation!
If I were you, I'd try not to read too much into it for now. Let him come to you instead of chasing after him. He'll either realize he misses talking to you, or you'll have your answer that he wants more space. In the meantime, don't stop living your life or wait around - keep busy with other friends so you're not left hanging on his every move.
Who knows, maybe some time apart will help him sort his head out. But you don't deserve mixed signals, so be ready to move on if he keeps acting hot/cold. Your feelings are valid too. Try not to stress - enjoy your break and see how things look when you're both back home!
Yeah trying not to; he’s leaving me on read and it’s pissing the fuck out of me.
Hey listen baby, I feel your frustration! Being left on read is the worst. But you've gotta stay calm and chill. Letting him see how annoyed you are will only work against you.
First things first, take a breather. Go do something just for you to de-stress. When you're feeling leveled out again, resist the urge to double text him. He wants a reaction, so don't give him the satisfaction!
Instead, post a cute selfie or with friends having fun. Let him see you living your best life without him. Guys hate feeling like they're not on your mind. If he doesn't respond by tomorrow, I'd hit him with something flirty but playful like "miss me yet?" Keep it light.
The goal is to seem unfazed, like you've got other options. Trust me sis, playing hard to get is the only way to get a player's attention! You deserve better than games, but for now, you've gotta match his energy. I know it's tough, but you've got this. Stay confident - his loss if he doesn't get with the program!
Thanks for you message man, makes me feel better. He called me two days back saying he wanted some answers but it was too late in the night so I told him to call me the next day. He never did, wanted to come over yesterday but I said no and he kept leaving me on read. So I sent him a text today when he responded to one of my gym snaps and asked him it seemed like he was avoiding me and He admitted to avoiding me and said his ex started talking to him again but he doesn’t want a relationship at all with anyone. I told him so what why avoid me, we ain’t getting into shi and if he considers me a friend then he should communicate with me. He said that he can’t keep communicating with me everyday and he still snaps me and communicate with me, and that he is still my friend and there for me. But none of this makes sense for me. Like yesterday he wanted to meet up to fuck but today he’s saying this? I honestly don’t know what he wants. As selfish as this sounds I don’t wanna raise my body count and the sex is good with him so I’d rather continue with him type stuff. Gonna get busy with uni soon anyways.
This guy is straight up playing games with you. The fact that his ex started talking to him again explains some of the hot and cold behavior, but that's still no excuse to be stringing you along like this.
I would say trust your gut - none of what he's saying makes logical sense. He wants to hook up but says he can't communicate every day? And his stories keep changing. Big red flags. At this point I wouldn't put any trust in the things he says, only focus on his actions.
If it was me, I'd stop giving him any attention for now. Quit responding to his snaps and leave him on read when he texts. He obviously likes the attention but is keeping you as an option while also talking to other girls. That's wack.
You gotta value yourself more than being someone's back-up plan. The sex may be good, but is it worth the confusion and mixed signals? Trust me, there are other girls out there who won't play these games.
If I were you, I'd cut him off for now. Make it clear you're not an option he can keep coming back to whenever it's convenient. Go have fun with your girls, work on yourself and your uni stuff. Leave the ball in his court - if he puts in real effort to see you and explain himself clearly, then maybe consider it. But for now, don't give him any power over you. You deserve better treatment!
I have to agree with the fact his stories aren’t logical and don’t add up; we started sorta being flirty after a bit and he said he couldn’t come over the next day cause he’s sick and has a fever. I went with my girlies to the bar and club and stuff and when I got home at 2:30am sends me a snap of him being in his car and I’m like ain’t no way ur sick and doing this; I’m pretty sure he’s fucking another few chicks or smth. Honestly after he opened up about avoiding me I started giving a lesser fuck at this point. I definitely deserve better.
Damn, this guy is totally playing games with you. I knew something wasn't adding up with his lame excuses! There's no way he's actually sick if he's out driving around at 2am. He's definitely messing around with other girls on the side, I'd put money on it. You were right not to trust what he was saying. I'm glad you're starting to give less fucks now - that's the best thing to do in this situation. Don't even waste your energy on someone who's being shady and disrespectful. You deserve way better than his wishy-washy bullshit. Just do your own thing and have fun with your girls, let this clown show himself out. Plenty more fish in the sea that will treat you better!
He called me today 😂, I was being damn dry on the call and he pointed it out and I could see through his manipulation. He was like oh u are doing this cause I’m avoiding you etc. I alr had shit from my parents today so I told him that and he knows how my parents are so he asked if i wanted to talk about it and I opened up and he was tryna cheer me on it and then I told him it was also cause he’s avoiding me and that’s messing with me cause we didn’t have a fight and shi so why. He went back to reminding me how he told me he wouldn’t talk till the third and I’m like bro what’s today? (Aka the 7th) then he’s like oh and I was sick too I told u and only started recovering today etc and being like i do care for you and even tho im not talking to you everyday im here for u etc. and he brought up what happened with his ex (he dated her for 2 months about how she wanted a break which he basically thinks that it’s a breakup cause otherwise doesn’t make sense) but couldn’t finish cause he got another call and we ended up switching topics when he called me back and then we both had to sleep cause our semesters start tomorrow. He told me he’d call tmr but incase he doesn’t call it’s probably cause he’s busy and not to overthink it. Honestly it felt better that he called cause my mood was off as it is. But on the other hand I know he’s doing this to keep the benefits. Somewhere I do feel he might be genuine on the caring/ friendship part just based on his actions from the past on how he’d call me multiple times a day and let me know he was there for me when I need mental health support but I’m scared I’m falling into the manipulation. For now I’m just going with the flow and not bothering to initiate any conversation. I don't know how guys can be this way :P
At the end none of us (guys and girls alike) deserve such wishy washy and hot cold behavior!
Man this dude is really good at talking his way in and out of stuff! He had an excuse for everything. But I gotta give it to you, you handled it way better than I would've. I would've blown up on him for all the avoiding and lying.
A few things still concern me though:
- His excuses still don't fully add up about being sick and recovering now. Convenient timing.
- Bringing up his ex seems like deflection from his own actions.
- Telling you not to overthink it if he doesn't call is still kind of dismissive.
- Going with the flow is fine but don't get played either.
I can see why his caring actions in the past make you question if there's more there. But actions speak louder recently. If it was me, I'd take a step back and see how he acts over the next week with no pressure from you. If he's still flaky and wishy washy, then I think you gotta cut him loose for good cause he's just using you when it's convenient. You deserve better than that! Stay strong.
Hi! Yeah I agree the sick thing not adding up; I do know he was a bit sick tho cause he did send a few video snaps complaining of sore throat etc but I’m convinced he recovered faster than he claimed. and the ex definitely seems like an excuse given how he usually tries to avoid topics or switch topics when he doesn’t want to answer. I don’t intend on giving him too much attention other than my snaps that I send regularly as streaks and just let him be. At the end I’m in this also because I want the benefit at the same time. Ofc gonna try not to get played 😂. Thanks for all the inputs and support XD
No problem luv, always happy to help a lady out! You've got a good head on your shoulders for sure. And yeah, we've all been there wanting the benefits too lol. Just be careful not to lose sight of what YOU want in the process. Keep snapping your streaks like normal, but I'd chill on giving him extra attention until he proves he can be consistent. Ease up on the ego boost he's probably getting from you chasing him a bit. Let him come to you for once. If he steps up great, if not then you saved yourself the trouble! You've got way more important stuff to focus on like school anyway. Just trust your gut and don't let anyone play you, even if the sex is good. You know what you deserve. Keep me posted how it goes - I'm rootin' for ya!
Are you two still friends with benefits now or drifted apart?
I don't know? I think we are? I’m waiting for him to come back from his family city.
It seems like he is trying to not catch feelings but he is
Yeah and seems like he’s avoiding me. I’m going back to my city tmr so let’s see
Avoiding you? Yea... Sounds to me he trying to control his emotions..
He admitted to avoiding me and said his ex started talking to him again but he doesn’t want a relationship at all with anyone and that he can’t keep communicating with me everyday and that he is still my friend and there for me.
I don't know why you people do this to yourselves.
What do u mean
I mean you have sex with people that you're not even in a relationship with. And then wonder why things get so confusing.