Am I a shallow/shitty person?

[Anonymous]

I am 28 and a single mum of a 4 year old girl. I’ve broken up with her dad due to being left alone most of the times after our baby was born. He had to go out and earn money to keep a roof over our head. But he also went traveling a lot all by himself. He left me alone at hone twice to go to the beach when I was sick and pregnant. He always preferred his friends over me even when things were good between us and after our baby was born I moved back to my hone city to be closer to my mum/siblings and also for cheaper rents. The distance made us drift apart more and more and I was mostly alone by myself and each time he went traveling all by himself to different countries it made me resent him more and my anger led me to some to say things and disrespect him beyond repair but I am not the inly guilty one here but I do admit and accept my mistakes. Throughout our relationship we had a lot of issues that led to our separation. I have been single for 6 months and been seeing this guy for almost 2 months because I have a fear of lonliness I enjoy going out with him and doing fun activities and going places together but I am 5 ft 2” in height and he is about one or two inches taller than me so he’s not very tall in height. He is a great guy and is very respectful and is very romantic, he’s good looking but his height kinda turns me off and I feel like such a shitty person because of this. I have never dated a guy the same height as me before and I find it kinda off for myself, also another reason is that if after dating we get into a serious relationship then marriage and have kids I want my children to be tall I don’t want my kids to be short like myself. My ex that I have a daughter with is very tall but treated me like a an absolute object we went on 8-10 dates in 3 years (maybe) Obviously I can’t see the future and don’t know what’s going yo happen but I do want to give my daughter a sibling and don’t want my future child to be short in height.

[Starrrboy]

No.. you're not !.. you left the first guy because you were basically single while being in a relationship , so it's understandable.. and the guy you're dating , you're not physically attracted to him that much because he's short ( it can be any other reason ).. guess what , that's the definition of an individual lol.. you have your preferences and you go for people who are closer to them and vice versa... it seems like you haven't been spoiled or validated for a long time and it makes you anxious about having standards and expectations just like everyone else...

[cloud9vortex1234]

If your had a kid with a guy that treated you like an Absolute Object then what did you expect? Someone like that isn't going to stay home and be a Responsible Parent or Boyfriend. I don't have proof, but he was probably cheating on you when he left you to go on vacation. Why else would he want to leave his daughter and girlfriend behind while he went on vacation? He deserved some disrespect for what he was doing because he's a pos. He wasn't interested in fixing it by his actions.

What's your feeling is honestly what a lot of women would feel when it comes to Short Guys. But honestly, it does sound shallow/shitty that its all (or mostly) about height despite what he's doing, but that's how you truly feel.

Still, if your just dating this guy just because you don't want to be lonely then I think should break up with him and stop wasting his time. Is their any Physical Attraction at all?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you’re shallow, but not a shitty person. You have a lot of personal growth and maturing to do. I’d recommend avoiding relationships in general until you figure yourself out. Maybe even seek out some counselling to understand why you have a fear of being alone. You don’t want to end up with another baby daddy to another child, and end up single again. It’ll be a repeating cycle.

[Asker]

Hello, thanks for your comment! I underrated what you mean and I do agree I know I have issues and need to work on myself I feel like my last relationship just damaged me it was first my serious relationship where I fell madly in love and I gave my whole soul and body to the person but now I feel like I was inky used and thrown out like used goods I was too pure and naive when I met my ex and made the mistake of fully trusting him. You may read this message and laugh at me or make fun of me but I can no longer connect with anybody this new guy has kissed me a few times but it never led to sex because 1) I don’t sleep with men immediately and 2) even tho I like him I am not sexually attracted to him or anybody else I tried to speak to this guy and tell him I can’t give him what he wants and he should move on and he ended up crying I felt so bad I don’t want to hurt anybody else like how I have been hurt. I know I have to get counseling to get better

[bobalife]

You’re not shitty, but it seems like something you can’t seem to accept and it’s better to not mislead him… he also deserve someone who can appreciate him as a whole and you can find someone who you’re able to love fully and treat you right.

[Avicenna]

Well, people want what they want. My thinking is that it's hard to find a partner who'd make a good parent, especially if you already have a kid, so I wouldn't let the new guy's height be a decisive factor.

[molonski2]

I wouldn't overthink it at this point , just keep getting it off with the short guy and see what bobs up on the horizon , at least then you will not have to deal with loneliness , which can happen when you have a 4 years old.

In the meantime get him some of those shoes that add 3 inches to your height and get him to wear them.

[JHAYES317]

Yes you are a shitty person. Not wanting to date someone because you don’t want your kids to be short? wtf…that’s not even how genetics work, two tall people can have a short kid and two short people can have a tall kid. Unless literally everyone in their extended family were also short, you can still have a tall kid with a short guy. But secondarily, why does that matter? Are you saying that tall people are better than short people?

[Cutegirl06]

How important is it to you that your children be tall? Is it more important than having a guy who treats you nice?

[strateguy632]

seems shallow but justifiable too.

[KrakenAttackin]

Shallow and shitty.