Poly question support?

[MissBoogus]

This is so complicated I don't know where to start. Looking for people in successful poly relationships

- we opened our relationship to one other female 8 months ago

- the first night there was a miscommunication about what I wanted (I didn’t want them to do anything yet) and they did stuff before I was ready and I was devastated

- due to pregnancy hormones and lack of proper communication I blacked out and attacked him when I heard them having sex. Sex is a huge trigger for me and I had hoped the situation would have been handled more delicately for me, after all I explained this first. I have lots of trauma and would have preferred they went to a hotel or something in the start. which I said. I feel ignored.

- because of that one time I attacked him she is scared of me now , initially she was really interested. How do I get her to like me again? my boyfriend asked her and she said it’s something she can work on maybe. What does that mean?

- in the 8 month period they’ve done everything but I’ve only had a light kiss because I’m too scared to do anything, I’m not happy because the relationship was suppose to be going relatively the same pace for all of us… but she seems more interested in my boyfriend but I like her and its hurting me. I recently tried to gently stroke her arm, and she stroked my hand, but then quickly got up and made an excuse that she had to get something…

- we both have mental issues, the stress of everything has us both cutting ourselves, I can tell they really love each other, and I’m upset sometimes because I never said he could love another person… I only ever agreed to him getting spontaneous blowjobs, and I kinda feel like my boyfriend manipulated me into the rest

- I want everything to work out and I like them both and I want to be like a family but I think she’s scared of me? I know that I’m a sweet and kind person..., I’ve never had an outburst like that, it makes me feel like a monster now …

[boggboss]

It dont even sound like u should be having a poly relationship as you seem to have a lot of truma u meed to first deal with also it seems the boundaries of this poly situation where never properly set as if it was just suppose to be sexual yet they are talking about loving eachother that would be cheating even to the point of u saying u feel like u was manipulated into the situation further shows u shouldn't be in this situation think u need to have a proper sit down and think about what u actually want before even considering how to make a girl like u again that seems happy only fucking the guy also are u in therapy as it seems clear u need some type of mental help

[Berethor]

You don't sound like a monster to me, it sounds like a righteous fury, your boyfriend was banging another girl, while you pregnant with his baby no less, so you got angry and hit him. Why you agree to be poly relationship in the first place, you don't sounds like you really want that.

[mandyfire98]

Some people are not meant to have a poly relationship. I hate to say it but if it's causing mental health issues and self harm then it might not be for you honestly. I'd reconsider. Poly relationships aren't for everyone. Everybody has to be 100 percent on board at all times. You all have to have the same outlook towards it.

[HelpfulWoman]

If you have trauma, it needs shutting down. Why does this feel really familiar like it's been posted a while ago before?

[Bklynbadboy12]

You don't need to be in a poly relationship cause clearly you can't handle it and there is nothing wrong with that. Poly relationships are not for everyone. She probably steering clear of you cause she thinks your a psycho just look at it from her point of view. You was okay with it then out of the blue you wasn't and attacked your boyfriend and then just like that your okay with it again. She probably is saying in her head it's only a matter of time before you flip out on her. This is all your fault if your gonna do this you can't hide what your feeling in a poly relationship you have to COMMUNICATE!!! You didn't set boundaries now your paying the price for it. Now you have to tell her and him how you feel. But you know what you gonna get now right? Your gonna get the what didn't you say that in the beginning because they've done everything and bonded now your on the outside looking in

[MissBoogus]

I can understand her point of view that I acted like a psycho, but why can’t she understand my point of view too then? I opened myself completely and made myself vulnerable and offered her my greatest love, my boyfriend. And I did say what I wanted prior. I was very clear I didn’t want anything to happen the first day. But I guess my boyfriend still didn’t understand what I meant and there was a miscommunication, either that or he just chose to ignore me. I wasn’t ok and they knew that, and then they kept having sex even when they knew I wasn’t ok from the first time still. And then I blacked out like mentioned in the post. I agree with what she is saying her head probably. I wish she would just communicate with me but she won’t talk to me. It’s not all my fault 🙄 all 3 of us didn’t communicate properly. I did set boundaries prior. My boyfriend doesn’t understand emotions, he says. He is too much like a rock. And I’m trying to reach out to the girl but she is really bad with communication too and won’t talk. I think she is also afraid to say anything, because she knows if things can’t work out with me then she’ll lose my boyfriend.

[Bklynbadboy12]

You seem like a sweet heart so I have to be honest with you. The problem is your boyfriend he's a selfish asshole. If he knew you didn't want anything to jump off then he should've honored your wishes. He's the problem cause you can't trust him now and without trust what do you have

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

This is not a healthy dynamic for a successful relationship. If you are full of traumas, you need to see a therapist. Just off this little bit of information you all 3 need to seek individual therapy.

[Kelly6]

@MissBoogus im in poly relationship and main thing is trust

[MissBoogus]

I trust my boyfriend completely, it just seems like the other girl is super bad with communication , she won’t talk to me when I ask for her thoughts on things

[Kelly6]

@MissBoogus
But you have to true her too

[Kelly6]

@MissBoogus
And she should trust you.
You 3 have to see each other as partner

[MissBoogus]

Yeah but she’s not letting me

[Kelly6]

@MissBoogus
Red flag

[jahaims]

Go to therapy