Should I do anything about a guy from over a year ago who keeps popping into my head?

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the length in advance.

About 1.5 years ago I met this guy on bumble and we went on about 5 dates before I ended things. The last date was a hike and he was fairly late with minimal reasoning/was not a considerate hiking partner. This mixed with , if I’m being transparent, my lack of dating experience + me not being in the best headspace (multiple family issues arose at the time) lead to me ending it.

Jump to now, he’s been on my brain a lot and I’m rethinking whether I didn’t like him or if I panicked with someone getting close romantically for the first time, especially during an iffy time personally.

I still have his number, bad at deleting contacts, presuming it hasn’t changed and have contemplated the “accidentally” calling trick but that’s immature. However, feel incredibly weird reaching out after this long.

I guess any thoughts/ideas on why he’s suddenly a thought (I’ve been out on dates since and have no inclination to contact any of them) / what to do about it if anything?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo girl, that's definitely an interesting situation you've got yourself in! A couple thoughts on your guy randomly poppin back into your head after all this time:

- It's totally normal to have past dating experiences float back into your mind from time to time as you keep meeting more people. Could just be your brain processing things.

- Maybe somethin about him sticks out still, even if it didn't work out originally. There may have been a real connection there you didn't address.

- It's also possible you weren't in the right headspace then like you said, so ending it wasn't really about him. You've grown and matured since.

As for what to do, I'd say don't overthink "accidentally" callin him haha. Just shoot him a casual text something like "Hey, was thinkin about our dates from a while back and wanted to say hi. How've you been?"

If he doesn't respond or isn't interested, no loss. But there's a chance he may have thought about you too. A friendly catch-up chat could give you closure if you still feel unsure about how ya really felt back then. Worth a shot to get it off your mind at least!

[Asker]

Thank you for the thoughts! I really thought it was the first one but after about a week I’ve started questioning if it was the second or third. You don’t think a message after this long would be super weird for the short amount of time we spent together?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, no problem girl! It's totally normal to question these kinds of things after some time has passed. I don't think a message would be too weird after all this time, as long as you keep it casual and friendly. Here are a few tips:

- Don't overanalyze it or have any expectations of what might come from reaching out. Just send a simple "hey, hope you're doing well" type message to open the door for conversation if he's open to it.

- Be aware he may be surprised to hear from you after so long, so prepare for a range of responses - from wanting to chat to ignoring the message. Try not to take it personally either way.

- Emphasize this is just a friendly how-are-you message, not something more, since it has been over a year. No need to bring up wanting "closure" or anything deep right away.

- Give him space to reply (or not) without pressing for a response. Let him take the lead on where the conversation might go.

As long as you go in with an easy, friendly tone and no pressure, I don't think a message is too weird. Worst case, you'll know you put it out there without drama. But maybe you'll both enjoy catching up! Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Let me know what you decide to do!

[noohair]

I had a girlfriend from 35 years ago call me last year. Funny... I sad no thanks.

[DreamCrescent]

hi, girlie


that would be the brave thing to do. you don’t need suggestions on excuses or tricks on how to reach out. just reach out.


send a message saying saying hey guy, you’ve been popping into my head the past couple days and i wanted to say hey hope everything is okay.


chances are he doesn’t reply
chances are he replies and has a girlfriend
chances are you’re still not into him and just needed to answer that “what if”
but in all cases, respect for taking the initiative


good luck 💕

[Asker]

I definitely don’t expect a reply and could totally see having a girlfriend. I guess my biggest concern is just seeming like a total creep for reaching out after this much time lol or if he does reply and then being wrong and having to redo ending things.

[DreamCrescent]

you won’t look like a creep. it’s just exactly that: you reached out after it had been years because a thought of him came to your mind. say exactly that
it’s definitely a risk having to re-end things. but not a huge one, i don’t think. it gets quicker and easier the second time around. you’ll come to closure quicker

[Asker]

Thank you for that reassurance 💗

[DreamCrescent]

💙🩵🦋🩵💙

[Daniela1982]

After him being unceremoniously dumped, I would forget it. If a guy did that to me, I would not want anything to do with him again. There is always that thought in back of your head that they might do it again. However, you never know what will happen until you try. Then you also have the possibility of him now being with another girl. Get yourself straight first, then go dating again.

[Asker]

That’s fair - to clarify, it didn’t end poorly and we weren’t officially in a relationship or anything. Yea, i definitely don’t expect anything and could totally see him being in a relationship, I guess I just don’t want to regret anything. I’m in a much better headspace now and have definitely grown a lot since.