Is it a good idea to hold hands with a girl on the first date?

Question

I want to secure this girl

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

Do you have any reason to think she would not be comfortable with doing so? A first date is about "going fast enough" that your intentions are obvious and she sees that you are assertive, but not going too fast to scare her.

Some girls - a few - would be intimidated by holding hands on a first date, but I think the majority would be okay with it. A few girls would be okay with having sex on a first date, but I don't recommend trying that unless that is ALL that you want from her.

This is what I did on first dates when I was dating (I'm getting married next month):

At the end of the date, stand close to her and reach out to give her a hug. Most girls are okay with a hug. Don't lean in so that you only have above-the-waist contact; make it a full body hug. Keep your arms around her waist and don't try to grope her butt, or your hands will get pushed away. Let that hug linger a little longer than you would with a friend and while your mouth is near her ear, whisper something nice to her, like "wow, you're nice and smart and pretty, too!" Then keep your arms around her waist but pull back your face so you can look her in the eyes. Look at her lips briefly and then start moving our face towards hers. Do it slowly enough so that if the doesn't want to give you a goodnight kiss on the lips, she can turn her face and let you kiss her cheek. If she closes her eyes, or tilts her head, or moves her lips towards yours, that means she wants a goodnight kiss on the lips. Don't try to examine her tonsils on the first date; no tongue, just a kiss on the lips. And, after the kiss, say to her, "I hope to see you again, very soon."

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Well, holding hands on the first date can go either way man. Here's my thoughts:

On one hand, it could be a good sign that she feels comfortable with you if she lets you hold her hand. Girls like guys who are confident and make the first move. And it would definitely feel nice to hold her soft hand, right?

But at the same time, since it's the first time meeting up, holding hands might be moving a little fast. She hasn't really gotten to know you yet, so it could potentially weird her out or make her feel pressured. You don't want her to feel awkward or overwhelmed.

My advice would be, read the signals she's giving off during the date. If you're really connecting and it feels like the vibe is there, you could try putting your arm around her shoulders or gently holding her hand for a bit as you walk.

But go slow and be respectful - watch her reaction and if she seems uncomfortable at all, back off right away. The last thing you want is to make her feel trapped or scare her off from a second date!

Just focus on having a good conversation and making her laugh. Let things progress naturally. If the chemistry is right, holding hands on date one could work. But don't force it - play it cool and let her set the pace. Hope this helps, bro! Let me know how it goes.

SueShe · Accepted Answer

I am personally against holding hands on the first date unless it is a mutual gesture that is agreed by both parties.

With your statement "I want to secure this girl", you clearly indicate that you do not really care about what she thinks or feels, you only want to "secure" her. To me, that means that despite her will to do otherwise, you want to impose your will and that is a total red flag in any relation.

Why do you want to "secure" her? Why do you want to impose yourself? Do her opinion and her feelings not count?

Unless you know that person better, you do no hold hands because holding hands signifies that you are already a step further than just to get to know each other.

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

I measure that by duration of flirting and not by number of dates. I believe you should flirt with a girl for at least 3 months before you hold her hand. Maybe 2 if the circumstances of your date are unique.

AviatorTom · Answer

It's okay to try to hold her hand. Her reaction will tell you if it's too forward, too soon, or okay.

HawkPerception · Answer

Jesus Christ I'm seeing some of the most conservative comments for this question. People are actually saying no it's not okay TO HOLD HANDS on a first date. That's nuts to me.

It's just holding hands... not making out or anything. It's not that deep. Just ask if you can hold hands to prevent any negative reaction from if you did without her consent.

liggang · Answer

Don't hold her hand in order to manipulate her into wanting to be with you. Hold her hand because you like her and want her and are already falling for her.

Everything you do that has the mentality of "I want to do whatever it is I must do in order to secure this person" is destined to fail.

Manipulation won't find you the love of your life. At best it gets you a girl with a fat ass or nice tits to fuck you. Don't manipulate your future wife.

RHK36 · Answer

Don't take advice from women. They don't know what they want and constantly contradict what they say vs what they do.

Be bold and confident, but read her body language. If she ain't feeling it don't force the issue. Half the time women do whatever they want, so if it doesn't work don't get offended.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes my opinion this is perfect because it assures te girl you want to build a life path together. Just be careful because if this is not your real intentions you’re giving a false message. So my advice is: think before you act of what you want to achieve.

AaronKrieger · Answer

I wouldn't, but things like this are very much a "go with the flow" sort of thing. You can tell based how she acts and looks at you whether it's probably fine. It is never going to be an automatic "yes" or "no"

bobalife · Answer

Yes it’s okay as long as she’s comfortable and wants to :) but it’s good to also be respectful if she’s not ready nor comfortable.

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

It depends if the woman is ok with it or not. To me it doesn't seem like a bad idea if both are ok and comfortable with it.

Seinna · Answer

Usually not, unless you've known each other for a long time and you both have feelings for one another already and have just started dating.

RebelinSteel · Answer

As with all things, you ask, she has to also want to or allow you to hold hands. If she does not then you respect her choice.

Katebfun · Answer

I'd say so, just make sure you're reading the vibes and her energy, that way you know she won't pull away.

LadyKitty · Answer

Yes but you should ask if you can hold her hands.

worldscolide · Answer

It all depends on what she wants, most women I know, and all the ones I have dated felt like holding hands was perfectly acceptable. It helps to start forming a bond.

Chevy1_kb · Answer

It's absolutely fine it's comforting to me when I've had first dates it feels nice it's fine

Anonymous · Answer

Yes it's fine as long as she wants you to do that. If it seems like she doesn't want you to do that, then don't do it.

Booklover_90 · Answer

Secure her? She’s not concert tickets. Anyway, only if she’s comfortable with that.

laly520 · Answer

only if she would be ok with it or u can ask before touching her

sakurayuki0629 · Answer

Umm in Asia, maybe you could just ask first.. I don't know in western countries but here holding hands on the first date is a bit too much

SolitarySolace · Answer

I eventually did. Didn't stop her from eventually cheating on me

Alex-Snow · Answer

Of course if you both feel comfortable with it. How old are you two?

EmmaMary · Answer

It's always polite to ask first.

Plugs · Answer

What is your current relationship dynamic

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Nothing wrong with it

austinbooth · Answer

Yes it is for my opinion

Cheerfull009 · Answer

Yes, if she does mind

Anonymous · Answer

Of course.

Is it a good idea to hold hands with a girl on the first date?

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