Does him being very sweet to me otherwise make up for these few subtly rude comments?

[Anonymous]

We haven’t met yet cuz we’re far away atm so this is just from texting.

1. He asked me to join him in his dream and when I said “If you want me to, I’ll be there waiting,” he replied with “no.” After his nap he said he just wasn’t thinking

2. He asked me if the reason I’ve never had a boyfriend is because no guy has liked me enough even thought I explained to him a while ago why I’ve never had a boyfriend and that guys have liked me

3. We were teasing and I said I hope he wouldn’t find much wrong with my body as a joke. He basically replied that he’d find lots of things wrong, but that he’d like me anyway

3. He said if I get his heart, the sexual talk will come after. Which made me feel like he’s not attracted to me since he sleeps with other girls casually

I don’t know what to make of him and the situation. He’s said some very sweet things most of the time, texts me a lot and does some romantic gestures, but I feel like the above comments were bad enough to end things. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting…

Updates

1 mo

Anyone at all? 😑

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a player. Lots of evidence towards that here.

I don't think your over reacting, simply because you've highlighted he sleeps with other girls casually (and assuming that means he's having sex with them, then he's playing you).

Let's take each one:

1) So that one is ambigious, since you've said "IF you want me, I'll be there" which comes over as "yeah sure, maybe". However, him saying "No" to "if you want me" is either childish or a player move to make you insecure in the hopes of giving you fear of missing out or being rejected.
2) Him highlighting that 'maybe no guy has liked you' is a 100% player move.
3) This one is potentially an honest reply and could be sweet but the other factors lean me toward him being a player and this is just said because it is known to be sweet and the right thing.
4) Well, its true that good guys tend to need to feel loved before they become intimate with someone, but your 100% right it doesn't count a jot because you know (you do know 100% right, your not just presuming?) he's sleeping with other girls.

However, this is all based on him sleeping with other girls. If he hasn't been doing that (and maybe your just assuming he is potentially) then 1, 3 and 4 (which I just noticed was also 3) are all perfectly ordinary things a guy who was single might say reasonably. So if he's admitting to sleeping with other girls, then there seems a lot to be concerned about.

All that said, if he admits to a series of mistakes and stupid decisions, maybe each girl was 'the one' until it all went wrong. Then maybe... just maybe.. he's just an ordinary idiot.

[Asker]

Yes, we met on Bumble and eventually he told me he has up to 4 girls he has sex with, but that he’d never do it once we’re in a relationship and that he wouldn’t do it even now if we decide to do long distance till we meet in a couple of months. Although he did wonder once if he could keep being friends with them while in a relationship with me, which pissed me off so much.

He wants something serious with me though, I know that for sure. But his remarks make me feel like he’s not physically attracted to me at all. I have wanted to have dirty talk with him and he’s never into it and says I need to get his heart first when other girls clearly didn’t have to do that. I just don’t want to be with a guy that’s not truly into me and won’t take care of my sexual needs as well, which seems to happen to a lot of women.

[Asker]

Also, we talked for a while on Bumble and he didn’t want to meet me until right before I was going away for school, which I didn’t bother with at that point. His excuse was that he didn’t want to ruin things and that he doesn’t have a car, etc. Just very low effort/desire to meet up, which makes me think it’s because he kept wanting to have casual sex.

[Opinion Owner]

I have serious doubt any guy would "not want to run things" that feels dishonest. I could see some guy saying they where afraid of hurting you, since a guy who liked you but wasn't sure migth say that (or even one who loved you but commiting to you was complicated, say if you already had children).

I can sympathise with worrying about the person not being into you, though when it comes to meeting sexual needs its complicated in that you need to communicate them in a way that the guy can get, as well as a way the guy feels safe and invited to initiate. It can be easy to mistake, a guy misreading you as not interested or scared of them for you rejecting them (whilst leaving you feeling rejected).

So, regarding feeling he's not particularly physically attracted, thats a misleading thing to monitor often. Though I think the way he's treating you (based on what your curated examples suggest) seems to be someone whos 'keeping their options open and just looking for hook ups'.

So, I would say your likely right to 'give it a miss' look for someone showing right signs.

[Billlewis]

To some extent, but probably not entirely, in my opinion.

[Asker]

Thanks for the reply. So, you agree that these were rude things to say?

[Billlewis]

It's hard to ascertain how impolite the comments were, especially if they were typed, rather than expressed verbally, but I'd forgive him for the time being, while also putting him on notice that if it becomes a habit, you'll find it necessary to let him go.

[Anonymous]

He is a man. Don't be fooled by anything they say or do.

[Truthatanycost]

...'he sleeps with other girls casually'

Isn't that enough?

[Asker]

I was hurt by that, especially since we were expressing deep feelings for a while, but he said how he’s just doing what he’s done before I came into his life and that it’s not cheating since we haven’t met yet and aren’t in a relationship.

I decided not to make a big deal about that since most guys probably do it nowadays.

[Truthatanycost]

'Most guys probably do it nowadays' shouldn't determine our personal standards. Health comes first...