My girlfriend (25F) stopped talking to me (34M) after I called her 'my cute whale.' What should I do?

[MkLeo]

So, I'm on the autism spectrum at level 2 of support, and I struggle with natural human interactions. I'm 34 years old, and I've been dating a 25-year-old girl for the past 7 months. I've been putting a lot of effort into learning how to be a good partner for her, and things had been going well. However, everything crumbled last week. I noticed that couples often give each other pet names, so I tried very hard to come up with one that would sound cute and nice to her. Since she is a bit overweight and 9 years younger than me, I came up with the pet name 'my cute whale'. Two days later, we went on a date. I was very anxious, and she noticed. She asked me what was wrong, and I replied, "It's nothing, my cute whale, I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed because of the crowd." I thought she would be happy, but it had the opposite effect. She became very angry, called me 'ret*rded as*hole', and then left. I've been trying to contact her, but she won't reply; she just reads my messages. I love her A LOT and I am extremely depressed right now.

[SueShe]

Ouch, that was not exactly the right thing to call your girlfriend.

She is overweight and she is very aware of the potential consequences how her added weight impacts on her self-esteem and self-value. Your seemingly innocent name was enough to realize that even you saw her as overweight and as a "whale".

Even though, your intentions were good, it was not the most appropriate name to call her. What is done is done and it will be difficult to take it back.

What I suggest is that you write her an apology letter. Not a text message or video call but one of those letters that is written with a pen on a piece of paper. You tell her that you apologize and that it was not meant to insult or hurt her feelings. Tell her that you have a hard time to realize the impact of your words and that you only meant it to be a compliment because you have not found a pet name for her. Ask her to suggest a cute pet name for her.

Only by showing sincere regrets can you hope to get her back. Good luck and don't delay your apologies. The longer you wait, the worse it gets.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

Well, you just insulted her.

From now on, think before you open your mouth or act on something.

[Keyboardkat]

You need to understand that many overweight people are very aware of their weight problem, may have struggled with it for years, and may have been fat-shamed by others. Calling someone a "whale" under these circumstances will certainly NOT be perceived by them as "cute." You need to think before you open your mouth. I understand you may be on the spectrum, but you need to make the effort to "hear" what you will sound like to the other person, and think about what experiences they may have had and how they will feel when they hear your words.

[Apple1996]

You thought it was a good idea to call her a cute whale? Lol

[jahaims]

She is too stupid to understand intent and the situation as a whole. Find someone else.

[In_Trance]

You fucked up. Call her