Ladies, do you expect the man to pay for your first date? Guys, do you expect to pay for your first date? Why/why not?

Question

bobby_bush_eater · Accepted Answer

I always expect to pay. I'm old fashioned and it's a very simple way to display I plan to take care of them financially if we become serious. I have had dates where the girl initially resisted though then allowed it, I think that's the best way to go about it for a girl

Agent_Elflord · Accepted Answer

I expect to pay, in fact I won't ask someone out unless I have enough money for it all. It's how it is and it isn't a big deal to me. I won't fight if she wants to pay though or wants to take turns or anything like that.

MrOracle · Answer

I purposefully don't plan first (or second) dates that require spending a lot of money - instead I invest my time and I try to combine some kind of fun activity plus lots of time to talk. If the relationship continues, I get more comfortable spending more money, and we'll get dinner or go someplace - a concert, a pool hall, a car trip, etc. I have no problem with paying - I just have a problem with girls who try to date for entertainment/food. If she's not making some effort for the relationship, then the relationship doesn't continue.

I've been on first dates and it was clear that the girl was expecting to be treated like she was a supermodel and I was a tech billionaire (which neither of us were close to being), and those did not have second dates. I have no idea why some women expect a man to spend thousands to feed and entertain her for a night, but that ain't me.

Those few girls aside, of the girls who accepted dates, most really liked my first dates, because they also put less pressure on her, and I try to make them fun. Often, we'll talk about things we enjoy doing, and she'll hit on something of mine that she really wants to do, and we'll do that. One girl really liked playing pool, another really wanted to go shooting, and another really enjoyed going to see some friends of mine (brothers who were once a successful band, and occasionally get together to play a local show) play at a bar in the area. For first dates though, I'll take a frisbee to the park, or we'll hang out down at the marina, maybe get some ice cream, and just talk a lot.

Or, like with my current girlfriend, we met through friends and talked a lot before I even knew she was single (she came to a party with a friend and her friend's boyfriend, but I assumed it was HER boyfriend rather than her friend's). So the first date was more like a 3rd date, because we were already comfortable around each other.

AviatorTom · Answer

I don't expect anything on a first date. I offer to pay on the first date... and on most dates. That's just the way I was raised. But if she wants to share the cost, or pay for it all, that's fine with me.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Among my generation, it is a universal assumption that the man will pay for everything on a date, and that is what I have always done. I plan the dates so I don't do anything that I can't afford, and for most of my male contemporaries, it does not result in an expectation that a lady owesxc the guy sex in exchange for the dinner, concert, or whatever the date involved.

V_Injector · Answer

I expect women to pay for everything just to enjoy my Godly presence. She needs to entertain me and impress me... so dance monkey, dance!

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

I always offer to split, they always pay though.

MrNameless · Answer

I've bounced back and forth on this over the years.

We could go into detail about the rules of "whoever asks who out pays" or whoever earns more, but they don't always apply, even when men aren't the ones who are asking women out 9/10 times. Overall I've realized that depending on your mindset, it can be a lose lose situation for a man. But men have more to lose by not paying because they don't know whether the woman minds.

I don't mind, and I've gotten used to paying for the first two dates. I see it as an investment. But I've had really bad experiences with some women (as well as really good ones), like being used and paying for everything in a two-year situationship.

Some red flags for me as a man though is if

-A woman doesn't offer to pay. Just offering goes a long way. Whether the actual intention to pay is to be paid or not (I might never know), I feel appreciated, at least.

-Orders a ton of stuff. This has never happened to me thankfully

-a woman is late to a date (like 30 minutes) and gives a half-assed apology. Even worse if she wasn't dressing for the date.

-if she isn't appreciative in other ways and doesn't thank me for the date.

I'm not asking much. Men have to do a lot of the legwork at the beginning of dating and are expected to maintain much of that through a relationship. They are expected to ask out, plan the dates, be decisive leaders, not show any insecurity, and pay for everything. We just want to feel appreciated and not be used for our money or services without anything else. I'm not talking about transactional, but it's a give-and-take thing. If she can contribute in other ways or pay for snacks, I'm okay with that.

BadApple69 · Answer

I will pay for the first day, and every date after that… that’s what REAL men do.
The boys now days who want the women to pay or want to go Dutch are soy boys and should get out of the dating game and leave the women to us real men. (Was that insulting enough?) yes I’m in that type of mood lol

Unit1 · Answer

Ladies, do you expect the man to pay for your first date? Guys, do you expect to pay for your first date? Why/why not?

Me joins pretty much what MrOracle has said on this matter.

I intend the first dates to be either free or shared expenses.

The benefit of splitting the bill is two-fold on both sides.

The blues do not feel used for their money (and they simultaneously dodge the gold diggers) and the pinks will not risk feeling like the blues are going to make them girls feel like they are owing the blues something.

SaltyBeaches · Answer

I always insist on paying my share. There were good reasons why men were expected to pay in the past, but not anymore. I also don't want there to be any expectations about anything more than just a date. And I just don't think it's fair to expect men to always pay on the first date.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

I always paid for dates. I’m old and that’s just the way it was. This conversation didn’t even exist in my youth.
Right around the time i quit dating it became clear that the only women responding to me were those only interested in taking advantage of that mentality, and offering nothing in return. There’s no way to flush them out other than to put it out there up front. Haven’t had a date since. Ell oh ell!

RebelinSteel · Answer

Really depends, when I was at university and dating, even barmaids had more disposable income than me, I dated a girl who had a really good job and was on loads of cash, she paid for 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th dates etc lol.

After university, I would pay or whoever suggested the thing we were doing for a date paid or we split it.

Caroline91 · Answer

You know, it's just all so confusing at this point for everyone... I would rather just keep it simple. It's fine with me to just go for ice cream, take it outside and people watch. I would consider that a great date if the conversation flowed and we were able to laugh together.

Billlewis · Answer

I absolutely expect to pay for the first date with her, and every subsequent date, as well. And strange as it may sound, if she indicates that she's dating other guys, I'll try to negotiate for the privilege of paying for those dates, as well.

Fireguy17 · Answer

I always did expect to pay, some wanted to go dutch, and that was fine, some asked me out and wanted to pay so I let them, I am not going get into an argument over a few bucks, some would buy next time we went out, and some just expected me to pay every time.
Guess which ones were the first to be set free.

Raaj4you · Answer

I don't mind paying on the first date. But It should fit in my budget bcoz I can't spend lot of money. I expect that she should focus on me, my mindset not on my pocket size. I expect her to feel comfortable, happy 😊 with me, even if we are traveling by public transport and eating street food.

Jemini_Crocket · Answer

Honestly, I do, but not without offering to split while at the same time hoping for him to insist on him paying for us both.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I've paid for every first date I've been on, because I was taught that was the gentlemanly thing to do.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

I expect to pay for every date I'm old school like that. All of these guys that say women should pay for the the date it's real simple if you can't afford to go on a date then don't date

RavVid · Answer

If I have serious interest in a girl than I would signal that with paying and where I take her

WintersDaughter · Answer

No. I expect to pay for my own stuff, unless told otherwise.

mandyfire98 · Answer

Nope I always want to split it. I never want one person to pay for everything.

NathanDavis · Answer

if she's thinking about money like this... I would not date her

Apple1996 · Answer

Yeah I wouldn't even be on a date unless the guy agreed to pay for it

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

I'll always pay for the first date because I most likely invited her on the date and gentleman shit. After that I expect her to pay for something, even if it's just covering the tip.

DJB72 · Answer

If I asked her out, I'd expect to pay. If she invited me, not so much.

MerylLee · Answer

It depends on who invites who. If he invited me somewhere, I'd expect him to pay. If I choose the place and plan the date, I would pay unless he does so first. I don't mind paying either way, though.

Rangers · Answer

I'd plan to pay, of course. If it goes really badly, I wouldn't be surprised to see the girl pay for her food

Jerre · Answer

I always pay 100% no matter how many dates we’ve had

douride2 · Answer

It would be nice if he offered to pay but it isn't expected.

soe11 · Answer

Absolutely, it's a his dignity towards female.

Nerdvana · Answer

I wouldn't say expect. But I do want to pay for the first date, after all I invited you out.

msc545 · Answer

I just pay. Except I don't date any more, so...

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Inviter pays. This will typically be the guy, but it’s okay to take turns.

LEGENDARY4200 · Answer

Typically yes I would expect to pay for the first date unless they want to split it

Markymark92 · Answer

I just usually offer to do so for a first date

Nikki1989 · Answer

Yes, it is tradition.

Jennz6 · Answer

Yes he should

DonVitoCorleone · Answer

Men don't have to pay. Greetings from Rome 🇮🇹🇮🇹🇮🇹🇷🇺

debtfree_oneyear · Answer

I usually offer to pay but dont like it

CrabCakes11 · Answer

No. I pay for my own food on dates

Ava012251 · Answer

No. I don't expect. What happens happens.

Iron_Man · Answer

Yes, I expect to pay

LiamJHayden · Answer

If I ask I expect to pay.

OtterMan68 · Answer

If I asked her out, I pay.

goebenbreslau · Answer

as a man, i always pay for any date.

LunarEclipse433 · Answer

I expect to pay, absolutely!!!

DonFredoCorleone · Answer

Why would a man pay for a woman is understandable only if the woman is a prostitute

Nifrayu · Answer

I expect her to pay.

butterly248 · Answer

Split it

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Who actually dates? Lmao

Amur8711 · Answer

Yes I expect that

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