Ladies, do you expect the man to pay for your first date? Guys, do you expect to pay for your first date? Why/why not?

[Pinay_ako]

[bobby_bush_eater]

I always expect to pay. I'm old fashioned and it's a very simple way to display I plan to take care of them financially if we become serious. I have had dates where the girl initially resisted though then allowed it, I think that's the best way to go about it for a girl

[Agent_Elflord]

I expect to pay, in fact I won't ask someone out unless I have enough money for it all. It's how it is and it isn't a big deal to me. I won't fight if she wants to pay though or wants to take turns or anything like that.

[MrOracle]

I purposefully don't plan first (or second) dates that require spending a lot of money - instead I invest my time and I try to combine some kind of fun activity plus lots of time to talk. If the relationship continues, I get more comfortable spending more money, and we'll get dinner or go someplace - a concert, a pool hall, a car trip, etc. I have no problem with paying - I just have a problem with girls who try to date for entertainment/food. If she's not making some effort for the relationship, then the relationship doesn't continue.

I've been on first dates and it was clear that the girl was expecting to be treated like she was a supermodel and I was a tech billionaire (which neither of us were close to being), and those did not have second dates. I have no idea why some women expect a man to spend thousands to feed and entertain her for a night, but that ain't me.

Those few girls aside, of the girls who accepted dates, most really liked my first dates, because they also put less pressure on her, and I try to make them fun. Often, we'll talk about things we enjoy doing, and she'll hit on something of mine that she really wants to do, and we'll do that. One girl really liked playing pool, another really wanted to go shooting, and another really enjoyed going to see some friends of mine (brothers who were once a successful band, and occasionally get together to play a local show) play at a bar in the area. For first dates though, I'll take a frisbee to the park, or we'll hang out down at the marina, maybe get some ice cream, and just talk a lot.

Or, like with my current girlfriend, we met through friends and talked a lot before I even knew she was single (she came to a party with a friend and her friend's boyfriend, but I assumed it was HER boyfriend rather than her friend's). So the first date was more like a 3rd date, because we were already comfortable around each other.

[OlderAndWiser]

Among my generation, it is a universal assumption that the man will pay for everything on a date, and that is what I have always done. I plan the dates so I don't do anything that I can't afford, and for most of my male contemporaries, it does not result in an expectation that a lady owesxc the guy sex in exchange for the dinner, concert, or whatever the date involved.

[AviatorTom]

I don't expect anything on a first date. I offer to pay on the first date... and on most dates. That's just the way I was raised. But if she wants to share the cost, or pay for it all, that's fine with me.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I always offer to split, they always pay though.

[V_Injector]

I expect women to pay for everything just to enjoy my Godly presence. She needs to entertain me and impress me... so dance monkey, dance!

[Chazmatazz269]

Ell oh ell!

[MrNameless]

I've bounced back and forth on this over the years.

We could go into detail about the rules of "whoever asks who out pays" or whoever earns more, but they don't always apply, even when men aren't the ones who are asking women out 9/10 times. Overall I've realized that depending on your mindset, it can be a lose lose situation for a man. But men have more to lose by not paying because they don't know whether the woman minds.

I don't mind, and I've gotten used to paying for the first two dates. I see it as an investment. But I've had really bad experiences with some women (as well as really good ones), like being used and paying for everything in a two-year situationship.

Some red flags for me as a man though is if

-A woman doesn't offer to pay. Just offering goes a long way. Whether the actual intention to pay is to be paid or not (I might never know), I feel appreciated, at least.

-Orders a ton of stuff. This has never happened to me thankfully

-a woman is late to a date (like 30 minutes) and gives a half-assed apology. Even worse if she wasn't dressing for the date.

-if she isn't appreciative in other ways and doesn't thank me for the date.

I'm not asking much. Men have to do a lot of the legwork at the beginning of dating and are expected to maintain much of that through a relationship. They are expected to ask out, plan the dates, be decisive leaders, not show any insecurity, and pay for everything. We just want to feel appreciated and not be used for our money or services without anything else. I'm not talking about transactional, but it's a give-and-take thing. If she can contribute in other ways or pay for snacks, I'm okay with that.

[MrNameless]

I'm sort of in the middle regarding "traditional relationships." I don't want to feel used, and I'm not into playing games. I don't mind filling in much of the traditional masculine role, but I also want a partner. If I feel like I'm putting in most of the work early on in dating, including initiating conversations and following up after, I will lose interest. A lot of women claim they are feminists, but they want their cake and eat it too when they expect men to be traditional but don't want to play the conventional woman role herself.

[MrNameless]

The best dates/relationships I've had were a woman telling me she would pick the next date, and then her treating me for it. They are the ones I've had the most chemistry as well. I've been conditioned to pay all my life, and it feels weird when she goes through it and plans and pays as she says so, despite me saying I could pay for it or at least half. I shouldn't have to feel this way of "having to pay" all the time, if she wants to. It's a weird feeling I'm getting used to.

[BadApple69]

I will pay for the first day, and every date after that… that’s what REAL men do.
The boys now days who want the women to pay or want to go Dutch are soy boys and should get out of the dating game and leave the women to us real men. (Was that insulting enough?) yes I’m in that type of mood lol

[Unit1]

Me joins pretty much what MrOracle has said on this matter.

I intend the first dates to be either free or shared expenses.

The benefit of splitting the bill is two-fold on both sides.

The blues do not feel used for their money (and they simultaneously dodge the gold diggers) and the pinks will not risk feeling like the blues are going to make them girls feel like they are owing the blues something.

[SaltyBeaches]

I always insist on paying my share. There were good reasons why men were expected to pay in the past, but not anymore. I also don't want there to be any expectations about anything more than just a date. And I just don't think it's fair to expect men to always pay on the first date.

[RebelinSteel]

Really depends, when I was at university and dating, even barmaids had more disposable income than me, I dated a girl who had a really good job and was on loads of cash, she paid for 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th dates etc lol.

After university, I would pay or whoever suggested the thing we were doing for a date paid or we split it.

[Chazmatazz269]

I always paid for dates. I’m old and that’s just the way it was. This conversation didn’t even exist in my youth.
Right around the time i quit dating it became clear that the only women responding to me were those only interested in taking advantage of that mentality, and offering nothing in return. There’s no way to flush them out other than to put it out there up front. Haven’t had a date since. Ell oh ell!

[msc545]

Exactly.

[Caroline91]

You know, it's just all so confusing at this point for everyone... I would rather just keep it simple. It's fine with me to just go for ice cream, take it outside and people watch. I would consider that a great date if the conversation flowed and we were able to laugh together.

[Fireguy17]

I always did expect to pay, some wanted to go dutch, and that was fine, some asked me out and wanted to pay so I let them, I am not going get into an argument over a few bucks, some would buy next time we went out, and some just expected me to pay every time.
Guess which ones were the first to be set free.

[Billlewis]

I absolutely expect to pay for the first date with her, and every subsequent date, as well. And strange as it may sound, if she indicates that she's dating other guys, I'll try to negotiate for the privilege of paying for those dates, as well.

[Raaj4you]

I don't mind paying on the first date. But It should fit in my budget bcoz I can't spend lot of money. I expect that she should focus on me, my mindset not on my pocket size. I expect her to feel comfortable, happy 😊 with me, even if we are traveling by public transport and eating street food.

[Caroline91]

@raaj4you With the right guy, public transport and eating street food is more than fine. Any guy that would even consider that has to be super confident and confidence is one of the most attractive things a man can have.

[Raaj4you]

@Caroline91 Okay. I would date a girl who suits my personality. I am attracted to girls who are nice, shy, humble and kind hearted.

[Caroline91]

I think humble and kind hearted are so important :)

[Raaj4you]

@Caroline91 Yes, they are. I like your life philosophy.

[Caroline91]

Thank you. Do you have a life philosophy of your own that influences you?

[Raaj4you]

@Caroline91 Yes, I have a life philosophy too ( not my own ) since little kid. " Live and let live " !
This has a wider meaning but unfortunately people / countries still keep fighting with each other. Poor people make fun of wealthy people. Wealthy people make fun poor people, etc.

[Caroline91]

That's a good one to follow. I really don't understand why people don't get how all of our "differences" can actually make the world a more beautiful place and appreciate those unique aspects of people and places and cultures. Thanks for sharing that with me :)

[Raaj4you]

@Caroline91 Absolutely! My pleasure!😊

[Jemini_Crocket]

Honestly, I do, but not without offering to split while at the same time hoping for him to insist on him paying for us both.

[blueonblack22]

And he accepts your offer to split that’s a “penalty point” for him, right?

[Jemini_Crocket]

@blueonblack22 It kind of is unfortunately. But really, I'm talking about the first date ONLY.
I'm okay with paying for both of us if the date was my idea or going split on the 2nd or 3rd or more dates.

[blueonblack22]

@Jemini_Crocket “kinda” mean “yes it is”.

That is what I always suspected above. That is also why I always keep first dates inexpensive so I can avoid free loaders. You won’t believe how many women out there will shamelessly accept expensive dinner dates from guys they have zero interest in. No excuse for that crap in the modern era but it still happens.

But honestly whosever ASKS for the date should PAY for it. I’ve had two women “ask” me on dates in the past expecting me to pay. That was disgusting entitlement.

But the best dates were when I paid for dinner but she offered to pay for coffee/drinks later. Its not about the exact dollar number but rather her being considerate.

[Jemini_Crocket]

@blueonblack22 I'm not surprised you do so, I would do the same if I were a guy. Many women are simply trash. I don't go on a date with someone if I'm not interested in looking for special someone.

If a woman asks, she should pay and vice versa. It's simple really. People complicate it too much.

[blueonblack22]

@Jemini_Crocket there is this screwed up and toxic complex men get caught up in. I was raised with old school chivalry values with women. I was told I was supposed to pay for everything.

But that was taught in time when the vast majority of women actually respected chivalry. Now large swathes of women see that as weakness and try to exploit it. Not all women of course but way too many. When that happens men get bitter and justifiably so.

Anyway paying for meals, dates, etc. isn’t really a money issue but a respect issue. The woman doesn’t have to sleep with the guy but she sure as hell better respect him.

[Caroline91]

@blueonblack22 You know what? I really like what you just said. Before I was married and I was dating, I wouldn't accept a date from a man I wasn't at least interested in getting to know better. I was in college, so I couldn't really afford to pay for stuff and I mostly dated men from mid 20s to mid 30s. I always tried to show respect by dressing nicely so he would be proud to be seen with me, showing how. much I appreciated his effort in little ways like if we were walking around and I saw an ice cream shop getting some for us both. Also, I would manage to sometimes come up with 2 tickets to something, cook a meal and ask him what movie he'd like to watch, pack a picnic and invite him for a hike or a day at the lake, stuff like that. And very rarely did I run into a guy who expected sex in exchange for covering the cost of showing me a nice time. Thanks for expressing it so well.

[blueonblack22]

@Caroline91 yes well stated above. And that’s the right approach. There is actually one thing men crave more then sex from women and that is RESPECT. It’s possible to not feel attracted to somebody but still respect them (if they were good to you to begin with).

I’ve seen girls on dating apps post things like “if you treat me like a whore I’ll charge you like one”. Well that saying is also perfectly true in reverse….

[Caroline91]

@blueonblack22 Ouch!

[blueonblack22]

@Caroline91 post things on their profiles like that…

[Caroline91]

@blueonblack22 I mean that's pretty aggressively assuming that a man is going to treat you badly. It's insulting.

[blueonblack22]

@Caroline91 I’ve seen women post that at least twice over the years. Women have a big odds advantage when it comes to apps and dating in general. So they can get away with saying that more then a guy could.

But just saying it’s a two way street on that.

[Caroline91]

@blueonblack22 Well, I guess a woman will attract the kind of men that match up with how she values herself...

[blueonblack22]

@Caroline91 it’s often a self fulfilling prophecy for those types.

I know that as a man I can’t state all my “standards” on a first date. Even if a woman meets all of them it’s not a good sign. I get less room to show negativity.

But men are trained to expect shit testing. So we are expected to be more tolerant on this as long as it isn’t bad as what I said earlier (and I’ve seen much worse then that by the way). But then the real test is figuring out if she’s shit testing vs just doesn’t have respect for the guy. And this getting more and more blurry in modern times.

[Caroline91]

@blueonblack22 I guess I'm old fashioned bc I would invest the time to get to know the guy.

[Billlewis]

If I were fortunate enough to be dating you, under absolutely no circumstances would I ever want you to pay for anything at all;)

[TommyMountainFigure]

I've paid for every first date I've been on, because I was taught that was the gentlemanly thing to do.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I expect to pay for every date I'm old school like that. All of these guys that say women should pay for the the date it's real simple if you can't afford to go on a date then don't date

[RavVid]

If I have serious interest in a girl than I would signal that with paying and where I take her

[sirderpsalot123]

I'll always pay for the first date because I most likely invited her on the date and gentleman shit. After that I expect her to pay for something, even if it's just covering the tip.