Why are some people so afraid to take a chance, on love or friendships?

[HappyWoman34]

I met a woman who I’ll call *Julia.*. Julia got my contact details through a mutual acquaintance on Facebook and said she was seeking a boyfriend and friendships with other women. I invited her out and set her up on a blind date with one of my guy friends and she cancelled out of everything, saying she was sick (but I know she just chickened out, because she cancelled and didn’t postpone the ladies’ lunch we’d booked with my friends. My friend *Tina* was asking the same question that was in my mind. Why do mature older people give up so easily on love and friendships? Do they think that an Uber driver is going to deliver their perfect spouse and friends to them, if they wish hard enough? Are they idiots, is there something wrong with them? Are they weak? Naive? If they’re terrified, are they afraid that the bogey man is going to come for them if they make an effort to go for what they want? My friend and I are genuinely not understanding and we’ve all got Asperger’s, including this new woman who cancelled.

Updates

+1 y

No, we’re really baffled by this. To me, it just seems like a terrible shame and a waste of everyone’s time, including her own. I’m not angry or mocking her. Although I think it’s foolish. I really don’t get why people get in their own way.

[SueShe]

She may be afraid for a good reason. She may have had bad experiences with people in the past that may have traumatized her.

Also, I would never go out with someone on a blind date. If I go on a date (thank goodness I am not interested in dating), then it is with the person I would chose but only after I have done my homework and thoroughly investigated that potential date. That would take months at best because people will never tell you on the first date that they have a criminal record, that they are addicts or have ailments or a few children waiting at home.

I do understand that person fully for being on the cautious side.

Furthermore, I don't think that the "give up so easily on love and friendships" but that they are simply cautious whom they give their love and friendships to.

[HappyWoman34]

A valid point. I like your reasoning.

[Secret6620]

😇I believe the thought of heartbreak 💔 scares people away from loving one another and building meaningful and positive connectios.

No one wants to hurt anymore and I know the world is in so much pain. I almost died of a broken heart but God found me and saved me before that could happen.✝️

Now I have dedicated my life to serving his Grace. I believe your friend does not need to look for love but instead she needs to wait for the right kind of love to find her. Do not doubt a soulmates capability of finding their mate. Your soulmate will find you, even if you're hiding.✨

Very well written question.

[Secret6620]

Yay! Thank you for most helpful girl! This was a really good question.

[Twalli]

We see this lot with neurotypical people. They give up on relationships, because they feel like it will eventually fail, there's no point in going through it.

[jshm2]

They don't. They just don't like you, but don't now how to say it without coming across as offensive.

[HappyWoman34]

There’s nothing offensive about not liking me. Why waste my time rather than getting to the point?

[Awesomesauce2005]

That is the question that I always want the answer to but I never get it. Women say that they "tried to give signals they weren't interested anymore " which I didn't realize till they pointed them out. Apparently when she starts making excuses as to why I can't take her to dinner that's a signal? 🤷🏻‍♂️

[HappyWoman34]

@Awesomesauce2005 exactly! People are so confusing sometimes

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Afraid of rejection, or not confident enough.. I think we need to have patience for them since they are scared also. It's sad, but before they loosen up, they must have enough trust in the other person to not judge them.

[MsBrie]

Fear of rejection probs, My friend dylan says he knows himself too well and he feels either they aren't good enough or he he isn't good for them.

Really i think that self-impossed loneliness is sad.

[scott04sa22]

I have troubles making new friends or becoming more after what happened from my ex's

[NathanDavis]

I am not

[HappyWoman34]

Interesting. This is meant as an open discussion, not a personal attack, so I’d be curious to hear your perspective on this.

[HappyWoman34]

What is your opinion on people who give up too easily?

[NathanDavis]

probably a set of setback experiences...

[HappyWoman34]

A valid possibility. There’s a man I know on here. If you’re him, I want you to know I wasn’t referring to you, in this question. I was referring to a more recent situation, where a woman added me to Facebook and cancelled then cancelled out of a blind date with a mutual friend of yours and mine.

[HappyWoman34]

I found it strange, so I wanted some other opinions to help me better understand why people give up so easily, in general, but also specifically, her.

[HappyWoman34]

Are we okay now, that you understand that I wasn’t having a go at you?

[NathanDavis]

we're good... I don't know these people you mentioned, from Facebook

[HappyWoman34]

Our mutual friend probably hasn’t mentioned it to you. I set him up on a blind date. She cancelled and I was confused as to why.

[NathanDavis]

I really don't think we know the same friends... I don't even have Facebook

[HappyWoman34]

I ultimately don’t know.

[HappyWoman34]

Relax, Ben. I know it’s you. I’m not going to bother you on here. The point is that you thought I was attacking you, but we’ve established that I wasn’t. I don’t have any grudges about things that happened years ago between us.

[HappyWoman34]

You feel better now?

[NathanDavis]

okay, Larissa... we're good

[NathanDavis]

all good (=

[HappyWoman34]

It’s ok to call me Kat 😊

[HappyWoman34]

Please feel free to answer my future posts on here. I have no issues with you. It’s all water under the bridge.

[Hellur991]

Afraid of being hurt in the long run