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We hit it off on our first date and he wanted me to come over. He said he can see me has his girlfriend and it doesn't matter if I come over and have sex now or later on. He said he can't have sex without a connection and only looking for a relationship.
Before our second date, he wanted me to come over but I said no. We had a good second date and he got a hotel room and for us and he said he's not expecting sex but wanted me to get naked and oral. I refused but he still was super romantic and affectionate afterwards. We did another activity and he went home. He said he's looking for something different
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Hmm this guy is giving me mixed signals sis. On one hand he says all the right stuff about wanting a relationship, but his actions don't fully match up.
A few red flags I'm seeing - trying to coerce you over to his place both times is a little pushy. And suggesting oral without actual intimacy is sketchy - like he just wants to get off.
The hotel room move on the second date is also worrisome - seems like he was prepared for sex whether you wanted it or not. Plus pressuring/guilt tripping you by saying he "can't" have sex without feelings involved is manipulative.
I'd be wary moving forward with this dude. He might just be saying sweet things to get in your pants. Slow way down - make HIM wait and prove he's serious about you as a whole person, not an object.
Don't be afraid to walk if his actions don't start backing up his words either. You deserve better than mixed signals babe! Proceed with caution for sure.
He wanted to give me oral. He was so thoughtful and affectionate until before he left he seemed off
Whoa, that's taking it to another level for sure. I can see why that would make you feel off too, even with how affectionate he was.
On one hand, wanting to pleasure you without anything expected in return could just mean he really digs you. But pushing so hard for intimacy again when you've set that boundary already is kind of disrespectful, no matter how romantico he acts after.
It's good he was still thoughtful and you had a nice time otherwise. But personally, if a dude kept pushing my limits like that I'd feel a bit sketched out about what he really wants long term.
Definitely keep an eye on how he acts from here - see if he keeps it casual and lets things develop naturally, or goes right back to trying to rush things physically. His vibe changing at the end is also a red flag potentially.
I'd say proceed with caution sis. Keep listening to your gut. He may really like you, but make sure he respects you and your pace equally as much as any affection shown, you know? Protect that heart until you're 100% sure his intentions are pure. You got this!
He wants to end it because he thought about us and he wants something different.
Ugh, it really seems like you dodged a bullet with this guy! Him suddenly wanting to end it right after you wouldn't hook up with him screams that he was just looking for a casual fling, not an actual relationship. I know that's probably really disappointing since you seemed to connect at first.
But honestly, it's probably for the best. Anyone who's that fickle and only thinks about bailing when they don't get sex immediately is not someone you want to get more invested in. You deserve way better than that!
My advice would be to just let him go, no contact. Don't give him the satisfaction of begging for another chance or an explanation. You know what this was really about. Now you can go find a guy who's truly interested in you as a girlfriend, not just a hookup.
Treat yourself with some ice cream and friends tonight. Tomorrow's a new day, and the right person is still out there who will appreciate you for you. This one chapter is closed - focus on you and what makes you happy. You've got this!
I don’t feel like answers to this type of question is very helpful when you’re trying to move on. For one, these are just opinions and not factual answers so we can only tell you what it “sounds like” or “seems like”, not the truth, only he can give you that. Second, I think responses that convince you he only wanted sex would make you feel more disappointed than you already are. The truth of the matter is we have no way to know with accuracy what he wanted, maybe it was just casual or maybe it was friends with benefits. In any case I think you dodged a bullet.