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If you meet a really pretty, hot, sweet girl that LOVES you.. she has a nice ass and everything plus she cares about you and she's in love with you, she doesn't fight and she has a great personality WHY WOULD YOU JUST HOOK UP AND LEAVE? I mean at least stay friends, but if sex is good, why hooking up just once and then leave a good girl? I don't get it. I really don't, yet I see it all the time! Some guys be getting fire sex and won't even find it worth to stay just to have casual good sex.. EXPLAIN?
Guys, please why do y'all do this?
Anonymous
(30-35) 
What Guys Said
My reply will be quite detailed and in my own style, so don't mind that.
1. "If you meet a really pretty, hot, sweet girl that LOVES you.. she has a nice ass and everything plus she cares about you and she's in love with you, she doesn't fight and she has a great personality WHY WOULD YOU JUST HOOK UP AND LEAVE? I mean at least stay friends"
Well, I have always been single but just to answer your question hypothetically, if I had such a woman who was my type ( as per my standards) both physical and personality wise and she loved me the way you mentioned then I will never hook up with her, never have something disgusting as "Sex" and just leave without saying anything. I am asexual so find anything that qualifies as a sexual act as outright disgusting. Hence this will never happen.
My style of love will always be non-sexual and purely romantic only. Like for ex, kisses on forehead, eyes, temples, cheeks and maybe hugs.
I will have lots of respect for her and will always maintain my boundaries, my limits and will strictly keep it to friendship only. I will always know when I am right so I will make it clear to her that nothing beyond friendship is ever possible
2. '"but if sex is good, why hooking up just once and then leave a good girl? I don't get it. I really don't, yet I see it all the time! Some guys be getting fire sex and won't even find it worth to stay just to have casual good sex.. EXPLAIN?"
Well, as I explained in my previous point nothing sexual will ever happen irrespective to whether she wants that or not. I am not that type of man.
To continue from my previous point, if the woman is exactly my type then I may even confess my love for her but I will also make it clear that only friendship will be possible, given how I am. I may not explain my reason to her in detail though. I will tell her that I will always love her and will remain single for lifetime but she will be free to move on, get married and live her life. I will tell her I will always be friend.
Yes so that was my response to your situation and question. This is a hypothetical situation as I know this will never be the case in reality. You got your answer though.
Don't assume anything if there is something you did not understand then please ask. You can ask either here or in PM ( If it is very personal).
Thank you for taking the time to respond all that! I very much appreciate.
To reply to you; well you the key words tho, you would stay friends with her... so it's not the same thing at all... you aren't discarding her after using her... you aren't throwing her away like a worthless piece of garbage.
I don't know...
Like I said to others, he benifits from being her friend (in every imaginable ways; he gains a cook, a maid, sex, a caring friend, and maybe even someone to help him financially...)
I try so hard to understand, I try to put myself in men's shoes, yet the only scenario where I wouldn't want to keep him in my life even if I got a million dollar to keep him around is if I'm not attracted to him... but men are attracted to these beautiful girls...
"Thank you for taking the time to respond all that! I very much appreciate"
No problem and your question was good also. I appreciate the fact that you are open minded and are trying to understand how men think and act.
If the guy is just a user, why throwing the girl and all the benifits away?
But I must specify something, she didn't have sex with him yet.. I do think maybe that has something to do with it.. sometimes I wonder if he's just using the blocking Bottineau as a way to hurt her, as a revenge for not giving him what he demanded the moment he demanded it..
And yes I said sex as a benefit because they would touch.. touch sexually.. that's sex to me. But no penetration..
She wasn't playing too hard to get, she would let him touch her early on.. but the very first time he wanted it, got a no and she got blocked... she gets ghosted.. then she breaks no contact with him and comes back to him, he demands that she does X Y Z which she doesn't directly says no to anymore, because she knows how he is, but she will like change the topic and try to distract him lol..
Disclaimer! I'm not saying all men are the same.. but in this scenario he is a user (I believe)
"To reply to you; well you the key words tho, you would stay friends with her... so it's not the same thing at all... you aren't discarding her after using her... you aren't throwing her away like a worthless piece of garbage."
Yes you understood correctly. I will continue my friendship with her and will maintain boundaries accordingly.
TYPO !!! I MEANT "BLOCKING *BOTTON* " URGHHH
"I don't know"
Well, I thought my response was clear? or did I not understand something you said correctly?
"Like I said to others, he benifits from being her friend (in every imaginable ways; he gains a cook, a maid, sex, a caring friend, and maybe even someone to help him financially...)"
Well, you are actually right. However, some points you mentioned like (A maid, sex, a cook) I don't think in friendships these things happens. I mean friends don't necessarily cook for another, a pure friendship does not have sex involved in it. Even a female friend being a maid is out of question.
In a proper friendship these things don't happen. Friendship according to me is also a type of companionship where two people enjoy each other's company, talk about different topics and even work out issues and do activities together like going out and having fun watching movies or going on vacations and stuff like that.
That is what friendship is according to me.
As for financial help, yes in friendship one person can help the other financially as well.
"I try so hard to understand, I try to put myself in men's shoes,"
It is really nice to see that you are tying to understand men.
"yet the only scenario where I wouldn't want to keep him in my life even if I got a million dollar to keep him around is if I'm not attracted to him... but men are attracted to these beautiful girls"
Well, money should be out of question. According to me love, trust, respect, romance these things should be given importance too. Two people should not get into a relationship or even be friends with just because one person is rich or one person is offered money to be another person's friend.
That is just cheap, immoral and unethical as well.
It is not a real relationship or friendship if two people are together only for money.
That being said financial stability is important but that is different concept altogether. If you know what I mean.
"If the guy is just a user, why throwing the girl and all the benifits away?"
Well. simple as per logic if the guy is a user (player type) then he will try his best to keep the girl around for sex and doing sexual activities with her. Nothing more.
"But I must specify something, she didn't have sex with him yet.. I do think maybe that has something to do with it.. sometimes I wonder if he's just using the blocking Bottineau as a way to hurt her, as a revenge for not giving him what he demanded the moment he demanded it.."
Well if he is using the blocking tactic to hurt her or take revenge then it is clearly a manipulative tactics used by the guy as her trying to target the girl's feelings for him to get what he wants.
"And yes I said sex as a benefit because they would touch.. touch sexually.. that's sex to me. But no penetration.."
Touching sexually is one small aspect of sex. Yes.
"
She wasn't playing too hard to get, she would let him touch her early on.. but the very first time he wanted it, got a no and she got blocked... she gets ghosted.. "
Well if the woman clearly said no, then it is not playing hard to get. The man should understand and if he does not want such a woman then he should move on.
"then she breaks no contact with him and comes back to him, he demands that she does X Y Z which she doesn't directly says no to anymore, because she knows how he is, but she will like change the topic and try to distract him lol"
What I don't understand is why does she get back with him? If she know how he is. Another thing I don't understand is she does not say no to him directly but does not agree also and then just tries to distract him by changing the topic?
In this case the woman does not have a strong mind either. It is like she is trying to keep her option open with him.
This is not good either.
"Disclaimer! I'm not saying all men are the same.. but in this scenario he is a user (I believe)"
I understand that.
"TYPO !!! I MEANT "BLOCKING *BOTTON* " URGHHH"
I understood that.
Hi again! 😀
She goes back to him because she loves him.
You're right about the friendship part, it doesn't involve a maid and a cook (or sex), therefore, is that why he is disregarding it?( it being the benifits)
Do you think he is using the blocking bottom as to manipulate her?
I must say.. it is an extreme measure and it is always a temporary disregard.
Or
Do you think it's just an unexplainable thing a guy will do to a girl he is sexually attractive and who loves him?
Hello
"She goes back to him because she loves him."
Well then it means her love for him is " Blind" so then the saying that love is blind is true indeed.
One thing I don't understand about women is that they always like such bad boys, men who will use women (sexually) and then leave them. Women will keep going back to them but they will never respect men who will treat them well and don't do things that bad boys do.
Really strange thing women do. Blind and completely illogical that is. At least to me.
"You're right about the friendship part, it doesn't involve a maid and a cook (or sex), therefore, is that why he is disregarding it?( it being the benifits)"
No, that is not the point. The point is the man only cares or wants his physical needs satisfied and does not want any meaningful companionship in the form of friendship. It has nothing to do with benefits ( in the sense you have mentioned)
"Do you think he is using the blocking bottom as to manipulate her?
I must say.. it is an extreme measure and it is always a temporary disregard.
Yes of course it is a manipulative tactic. 100%
"Do you think it's just an unexplainable thing a guy will do to a girl he is sexually attractive and who loves him?""
There is nothing unexplainable here. To me the options should be clear to the guy, if the woman has refused sex or any sexual activities then he should learn to respect that and either keep it to acquaintances/friendship with the woman or he should just cease contact with her but using the blocking tactic and telling the woman that he will block her is a manipulative and cheap tactic.
Simple.
In one night stands, it is the rules of the consenting woman & the consenting man in question. They meet up, they trust one another, they want to have sex and then never see each other again.
I’ve personally never done a ONS, but I understand at its most basic form is a consenting woman, consenting man having sex together then never seeing each other again. Don’t think of this as a burden on the male or a burden on the female, they both agree on this principle and do it since it turns them on / allows them to have sex without being tied or feel a sense of connection.
They simply don’t want a relationship rn, they don’t want a connection since they don’t want to have a burden, etc.
There's clubs one night stand yes..
But that's not what I'm talking about..
I'm talking about girls that's in the guys life, she fell in love with him, wants a relationship, he plays her to have sex. She loves him and thinks he likes her back, there are no convos of ending it after sex. She proceeds to let him have her.. he does. And then instead of continuing to get the benifits without necessary having to commit (called a situationship or friends with benefits) he throws all his luck away... ?
If she fell in love with him…. I don’t think she would be willing to just have a situationship or friends with benefits… He either just wanted sex and feared if he came out about his true feelings he would lose sex so, instead of coming forward and looking as the bad guy who used her out of poor communication or explaining the misunderstanding or other than that I don't know for sure.
He might’ve been attracted sexually from good body, slippery tongue, etc. however if he isn’t involved romantically… He probably doesn’t want to just use her as a living sex doll. I don't know.
But don't he get more benifits from keeping her around ? He gets a maid, a cook, a caring friend, etc...
But, you're right, she wouldn't be able to just be friends. She would forget that they are friends and act like his girlfriend; which only benifits him in my humble opinion.
But the down side of this is maybe the fact that when he brings other less good looking girls into the picture she gets upset, and he don't want to deal with that? He don't want this hot sweet young 10/10 to ruin his chances with the fat old 5/10 hey..
Quantity over quality I guess?
Not what I’m getting at, at all…
If you are romantically, emotionally, and sexually invested in someone you don’t just want to be a side piece / fuck buddy… You want to be the MAIN girl who does the dishes, does chores, gives him a blowjob after a stressful day and talk to him about his feelings / support time in his most vulnerable moments.
IF HE ISN’T interested romantically, he is just going to bail. We don’t view women as slaves for cooking & cleaning & blowjobs (those are good traits by the way), we value them as people who we love more than anything on this planet. We don’t “use” them for sex and cooking, we love them. That is how love is.
It’s called ghosting. He wants to escape the possible relationship and not have her left clinging onto him. Allows him to be single and free to make other choices.
Does that help?
Yes and no... at least from my perspective, he gets WAY more benifits from keeping her around (as a girlfriend or even as just a friend! ) as a friend she cam still cook for him, clean for him, do girlfriend duties without the girlfriend title or commitment of the guy (so he stays free)
And that's the thing... he could get alllll the benifits yet keep his freedom, and yet he chooses to throw away the benifits, throw away the only person that care about him, for what ?
Not only that, but the next chicks he will pull won't be as pretty as her, she was a 10, he pulled a 10, he ain't all that.. he got lucky (he's a chubby guy in his 50s, no teeth etc.. she os a young pretty skinny girl in her 20s) the next chicks he will pull will be a 5 at most, all this for that?
It's often like that, I see it a lot.. men will pull that one 10/10 and it will be the last 10/10 and then they be throwing her away after one 1 hit ?
Then go back to using their hand ?
He could get the benifits of screwing her daily, have a maid, have a caring friend.. but no, he rather be alone and chat with hookers online hey?
I'm trying to understand...
Well I could answer based on generalities or discuss the specific situation. he's twice my age so would have to make guesses. But overall I’d say what you described isn’t a friend.. as you said she’s taking on girlfriend duties to care for him. At 50 can’t he clean and cook on his own?
He can survive on frozen food, but that's no cooking.. Girl would bring light into his dark world (my perspective) I just don't get it.. she checks all the boxes, why would he leave? Especially with how rare it is these days to find a good, loyal, honest woman with good values (she's almost a Virgini, only 1 body count, almost no sex in her life, and she stayed honest even during the months of no contacts cz she loved him that much)
And she's not the only case, I have seen a few in the comments, of women loving a guy that ghost them..
Can you continue trying to clarify this for me please? What are we doing wrong?
Typo.. i meant - She stayed LOYAL*** during the months of no contacts.. would reject everyone for that dude who's ghosting her..
I get it, she's in the wrong for staying, but that I understand why she did it, I'm trying to understand the other side, the male side!
:)
If this situation happened over a few months or longer and there are periods of no contact, then from the male side it sounds like she wanted a relationship and he didn’t. I’m not clear on how they met and what was worked out in the beginning but if I over time she fell in love while he remained single and doing his own thing then his emotions didn’t deepen for her. Sure he may have felt attracted to her but as you said she was loyal to him even when there was no commitment. How many dates did they go on and what did she think he wanted from her?
He chats with a shit load ton of women lol.. none decent but large quantity (im not saying these women are even interested in him, but he flirts - we know because she stalked the man online.. she saw everything)
They met on dating site and he never left the app I believe..
She stayed loyal because she wanted to believe that one day he will finally see her worth and give them a shot. 😞
He's always shopping for options... he's a weird guy... he's different.
He will add 50 women a month on fb (all strangers)
He's in his 50s and my girlie in her 20s..
She knows that he didn't develop feelings over time, opposed to what she was hoping for.
But he be ghosting.. maybe because she refused to give him sex without a form of commitment? I don't know...
It puzzles me
Like I get that he wants to feel free and not be in a relationship.. but blocking her or stuff like that tho? She didn't fight or anything..
If they met on a dating site and he never left the site, then he’s still looking for something he wants or needs. Sounds like she hoped by trying to give him everything and not be real with him that he would fall in love with her but that can’t be forced. Why didn’t she fight with him or let her guard down. If she’s stalking him online that’s not showing trust.
Also if he’s a weird guy why is she attracted to him? When she’s a 10/10 and has so many options.