Really start to miss having a girlfriend but finding dating exhausting?

[Anonymous]

Been 2 years single now after a very long rl and recently started to think about my ex again only to find out I just miss the closeness and benefits of a relationship.

On the same time I already tried dating for the first time in my life half a year ago and found it to be exhausting like mentally draining. Online Dating works for me at least I am getting constant matches. Irl dating not really met maybe one interesting women a year and then theyre usually in a relationship or simply not interested.

Now I am in this self inflicted limbo were I would want a girlfriend again but not go trough all that dating hassle again. Same conversations over and over and then you always feel like a jester having to impress, hate this courtship behaviour. Beeing the one who always has to take the initiate, plan and invest when you dont really care about the person yet as you dont know them is frustrating to say at least?

Anyone feeling the same as me? Do you just go trough with it and date anyway?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah man, I totally feel you. Dating is exhausting as hell sometimes. After being single for so long it's easy to start missing the comfort and fun of being in a relationship. But then actually putting in the effort to date and meet someone new feels like such a chore.

For me, online dating was alright but I don't really click with many matches. And trying to meet girls irl just never seemed to pan out. Felt like I was always chasing with nothing to show for it.

If I were you, I'd take a break from actively looking for a bit. Maybe just focus on your hobbies, friends, work/school - enjoy being single. Then if you happen to meet a cool girl naturally that's a bonus. No pressure taken off yourself that way.

Could also try asking friends to set you up, takes the stress out of the initial meeting. Or join some type of club/activity where you're interacting with the same people regularly - gets to know someone over time instead of high pressure dating.

I know the loneliness comes in waves, but don't settle just to not be alone. You'll find someone worth the effort when the time is right, I'm sure of it dude!

[Asker]

Ye thats my go to since I healed from the breakup. Having fun and enjoying life, if I met someone along the way naturally its cool.

But thats the issue its very rare that you met someone like that and still got those phases were you just wish you had someone as close as a partner by your side.

Ye a friend already offered setting me up haha I don't know how that works tho feel like im a new born in terms of dating life.

Anyway thanks for the words bro really felt that.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah man, I feel you. Those phases where you just want someone by your side can really suck. It's natural to miss intimacy and companionship after being used to having it in a relationship.

And I get what you mean, it does seem rare these days to meet someone organically. Everyone's glued to their phones swiping away, not really interacting face-to-face like they used to. Makes it tough out there for sure.

As for the friend trying to set you up, who knows it could work out or it could be awkward haha. But hey, at least you know the person is trying to hook you up with someone they think would be a good match. Might be less pressure than dating a random. And you never know, could end up being a cool way to meet someone new.

I'd say go for it if you're feeling up for giving dating another shot, even if just to get yourself back out there and more comfortable interacting with women again. But definitely don't force it or go in with super high expectations - just see it as meeting someone new and having a casual time. Take the pressure off yourself. And if it doesn't click, no big deal, at least you tried without overthinking it too much.

Keep your head up man, know you're not alone in feeling the way you do. I'm sure things will get better as long as you stay true to yourself and your happiness, and don't stress too hard about finding someone. It'll happen when the time's right.

[OlderAndWiser]

When I was dating, I thought it was great fun, especially first dates!

[DishLady]

If you find yourself in a dating rut you’re possibly choosing the wrong profiles as matches. Shake it up a bit and pick one or two girls who will drag you out of your comfort zone a little (by 5-10%… nothing too crazy, just cast a wider net).


Also, I get the court jester thing, but your obligation on a date is only to get to know one another. She hasn’t paid for a one man comedy skit…

[Nikki1989]

Weird. How is going on a date exhausting?

And online dating? Good grief!

[Asker]

Same get-to-know-you conversations and making time, spending money etc.

Online dating is sadly the fastest way to get to know multiple potentially interested people quick. Irl I just wanna mind my own buisness and have fun not go on a hunt for women or explizit go to places just to find one.