If I’m no one’s type should I change how I look and my personality? I genuinely believe I’m not going to meet anyone who is super excited about me?

[Anonymous]

I genuinely believe I’m very subpar and it’s easy to find someone better. No one ever stays. No one ever seems super interested despite my efforts and expressed interest. I’ve tried everything to put myself out there. I fluctuate between being confident in myself and having days where I am not so I’m not sure that’s a factor.
I really don’t know what to change - I’m thin and tall so I’m not overweight. I’m smart and kind. I don’t have any major deficiencies.

Updates

1 y

I’m not having sex with anyone too soon or whatever either. I am not doing anything objectively wrong in the courting process like that.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Before you decide to change yourself completely I'd say make sure that is the issue first and it's not the men you are chasing that have different intentions and that's being the reason things don't last, from what you said, you don't seem like a bad person and there might just be a type of men you are attracting, also make sure to set boundaries when it comes to certain things, it can also be you are giving what they want and they lose interest or you aren't giving them what they want so they give up.

[Asker]

I’m certainly not sexually active so I’m not sleeping with anyone I date. Not til commitment. But no one is interested enough to stick things out with me for long. They just vanish. I’m really reserved and quiet but open up if I’m comfortable in conversations.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I think I know the problem, the boundaries doesn't seem to be the issue considering you've kept yourself from participating in hookup culture although depending on the guys that can be the issue, it seems people nowadays use dating for the wrong reasons, also might be that they got tired of trying to get in your pants and were like "this girl isn't going to spread her legs" and called quits, your patience is working with you and the issue is that people nowadays are impatient in general, you just being really quiet could be too slow for people nowadays, people just don't seem to be taking the idea of dating in general how they should, your patience is your ace tho, I don't think it has anything to do with how you are or who you are, it's simply a patience problem which when its one sided, unfortunately it won't work, you should mention early that you wanna take things slow and see how they react.

[Asker]

I just want to meet my husband already. Lol. I would be a great wife. I live in the city and a lot of my friends or people I hung out with I don’t vibe with - they talk about superficial things and aren’t super nice. I just haven’t met anyone who is like in awe of me and wants to be serious.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well it's said that the best things in life are never easy to get but when you get them, it's worth it, I think you just have to be willing to wait and not give up, many people do and end up seeking for other things but you'll find your husband, after all you seem to have a lot of patience 👏🏽💯

[Asker]

I get that. I just feel like I need to change a lot of things about myself. I don’t think I’m anyones physical type for something serious.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I get that and it's good to work on yourself but do it for yourself, not for validation from others cause it will never be enough and you can't please everyone and looks don't last forever, love isn't physical.

[shortster]

You sound like my type