Do you think we can manage these problems?

[Anonymous]

So my girlfriend makes significantly less than me. So I paid for her school fees, car repair fees, and other expenses. Her birthday is coming up, so I got her expensive jewelry. And I don’t know if I’m just doing too much? I always been the guy to say “no” to simping, and here I am doing it like a hypocrite. But she’s different from other women, she actually loves me back. Girls will just lie to me, or say nothing about being into me. But she’s genuine. Ideally, I’ll be down if she becomes my stay at home wife. But she’s honestly brainwashed by feminism. She wants to continue school to go on with her career. She won’t allow me to take care of her. And the other problem is that she isn’t willing to move in with me (we’re long distance). She wants me to move in with her. But the problem is that I’m in the process of getting my own house. And she hasn’t even started her career. I’m scared that she won’t be willing to compromise and live with me because I get paid well, and my career is already there. She’s just starting. I hope she comes around. Otherwise, she’s literally the perfect girl. She legit the first girl I can actually picture living the rest of my life with.

[Alli112]

If y'all have such inherently different values that you consider her entire set of life goals and plans to be a "con" then I don't see much future for this relationship. The moving issue is complicated, and you might need to end up compromising just as much as she does on where you guy would end up living. Don't for get that "compromise" isn't "you explaining why you're right and then getting what you want" but is instead, "both people explaining their needs and preferences, and both being willing to sacrifice in some regard to benefit the other person until an agreement is reached thst is mutually agreeable." But I'm hoping you're already clear on that.

While it's very kind of you to be financially providing for the person, I do think you should consider what happens if you guys break up? Would you regret having done that for her, or resent her for your choice?

But really, a woman who's a feminist and a man who believes feminism is brainwashing probably aren't really going to work out long term. Your goals and values are literally polar opposites in that regard.

If she's that important to you, then it's time to re-evaluate your mindset. Her moving in with you is not totally unreasonable, but she may have her own reasons for needing to stay where she currently is. If she knows interested in a long-term career, and considers that an important part of her life, then accept that and don't ask her to become a SAHM, or at the very least accept her rejection if you do ask and she says no. She gets to decide what will make her happy and you need to accept that wholeheartedly. If she doesn't want to be "taken care of" in the traditional sense, then take care of her by supporting her autonomy, by supporting her career and her independence. The joy of caring for someone is in the other's person's happiness, not in producing a specific outcome or setting.

[Asker]

This is literally the only difference we have. We never gotten into an argument. And we support each other. I just hope she compromises a little. Otherwise, I’m gonna have to move my life to her area. And I might have to start over again

[Alli112]

And if she moves to your area, she'll have to start over in many ways as well. (Also, believing that your partner is "brainwashed" is a pretty big difference.) Not trying to say you need to break up in the slightest, I'm more just calling out that while I assume you're perfectly well-intended, I'm not sure you're necessarily empathizing with her as much as I know I'd hope my own partner would.

[Anonymous]

why are you paying for her school/car exactly? if she can't afford those things, she shouldn't get them. this girl is not your wife.

also. she's not "brain washed by feminism". if she was, she'd pay for her own crap.

long distance... honestly i think you're getting played lol. she gets her school and car paid for and she doesn't even have to have sex with you because she's not even living in the same city.

[war_daddy]

you shouldn't have spent money on her. you should have asked her about her long term goals way earlier. you should dump her

[Asker]

We talked about this from the beginning. I knew this. I still did it anyways. And no, I don’t want to dump her. She’s everything I wanted and needed in a woman.

[war_daddy]

then you're stupid. also if she's stubborn, it's a waste of time

[Asker]

How am I stupid. I know if true love prevails, we’ll be together no matter what. I might be even willing to move to her area. Sometimes love is more important than valuables

[war_daddy]

come back to this thread 2 years from now and we'll see

[Asker]

I will if I remember. I love her

[slatyb]

No, you can't manage these problems. You are insane for sending money to a woman who is not your domestic partner.

[Asker]

Why not?

[DishLady]

“Brainwashed by feminism”… you’re sure you even like this girl? Bc it just looks like you’re tallying up your bills for us and then claiming she doesn’t want your help….

[Asker]

I love her more than anything. I would even die for her time and time again. I’m just saying she has this one difference between us

[DishLady]

She’s probably had to live through stuff before meeting you that helped form this perseverance. Sometimes it’s hard for a guy to understand this aspect of a woman, but it has nothing really to do with you… it’s just something she needs the satisfaction of doing for herself. (It’s hard, but just try to understand it.)

[Billlewis]

I think she's awesome.