Is age gap an issue and why?

[Anonymous]

I would like some opinions mostly male. Do you all have issues with age gap relationships in reference to a young man and older women. I feel like society has no problem accepting older men with younger women ( it seems pretty normal) but let's say the women is 44 and the guy is 26 why is that hard for people to wrap their head around. And do guys want to date and are attracted to older women but embarrassed to admit it?

[DaveJord]

I do online dating. I'm ashamed but not really to admit it. I'm 48 years old. I have my age range set from ages 42 to 52. I used to have it set from 38 to 54. And I've toyed with it here and there.

This is what I've kind of observed in my personal experiences.

Right about the age of 40 is when all the divorcees start coming out. Kids start coming of age and leaving the house, women start wanting to get back into the dating game. The careers slowed down the kids are gone they start to think maybe it would be nice to have somebody in their lives.

The problem is, these early 40 types, haven't come to terms with the fact that they're not 26, 35, or even 38 years old anymore. They're in their forties. The dating population of men available to them are in their 40s. These men are not 26-year-olds they are not 36-year-olds, these are grown men who know what they want and what they're looking for in a woman beyond sex.

So here are these women are now in the early 40s, back in the dating game for the first time. Most of them not all. And they haven't realized or accepted yet it is not 1995 anymore. You are not who you were 10 to 20 years ago. And if you felt you were so deserving at that age, then you would have been snatched up and you'd be happily married and not single and online.

So at about 46 to 48, these women start to realize they need to accept what it is. That they are not 35 years old anymore. And men are not going to run around like teenage boys, catering to them just for taste. Not any decent man, of similar ages anyway.

So then at 48 I start trying to date 52, 54 year olds. These are the women who are fully aware of the fact, that they're not 35. Even more so they're not even 45 anymore and they know it. So any man who's younger than they are, tickle suspicion and doubt. Because guys like that weren't interested in them at 45, and if they were you were turning them away and disqualifying them and eliminating from your life. And I hear you are at 48 trying to talk to a 52-year-old. And they don't want to trust you.

They have accepted their on the back side of the time gap. And they're right, I'm at 48 trying to talk to 50 year olds, because I'm tired of trying to get with 45-year-olds you still think they're 35. I'm sorry at 35 you were a lot harder. At 45 your average looking. There's nothing to be insecure about, it's just what it is so get over your s***.

So here you are at 48 trying to talk to date them. They know why you doing it. And for like me I can't figure it out. Yeah I'm talking to you cuz you're sexy woman I want to get with you. And if that turns into a long-term relationship great, but it starts with going out on a date and being serious about a relationship. You didn't do it at 35 you didn't do it at 45, and you're probably not going to do it at 52. Because you can't get out of your own f****** way.

And here you are as a man at 48 who've been told by women the entire life, you only interested in one thing, men are so immature, so on and so on...

And you're like yeah, if I wasn't interested in sex. Then you're right I never would have talked to a single woman my entire life. But I'm a man. Yes I'm interested in sex. And apparently that's been a problem for you your entire life and you can't get over it. That doesn't make me immature, and that doesn't make me less of a person.

So that's the problem with older women. They either accept where they're at in their lives and they make the most of it and have a lot of fun and really enjoy being with men.

Or they get super bitter about it and become impossible to talk to even try to date.

[RavVid]

Yes there is a blip upwards in divorce at 20 years when the empty nest occurs. The bigger blip occurs at 8 years which I think correlates with average 1.8 children in a divorce getting to elementary school and the inherent child care in that.

[RavVid]

We have very good data on married couple's age gaps. Most married couples have a small age gap of a year or two but about 10% have a 10+ year age gap with the man older.

In contrast in only 10% of marriages, the woman is older. That includes older by a year up to older by 10+ years. So an older woman is much rarer and we can reasonably take married age gap as a proxy for dating age gap I think.

We have Egyptian marriage contracts; girls were married and conceiving when they became fertile - after the first menses. Men had to wait till they could support a family and might be even 20 till they could. Mostly men were dead by 24 (females at 35).

That is the first dynamic - female fertility and male resources. Girls go through puberty first so there is even a biological aspect in favor of older men.

Nonetheless I see younger men with older women at my local cafe and it doesn't look like it is the man's mom even though the older woman is paying. I know one such couple.

About 30 %age points more of 20's females are coupled than are 20's males. 30% of 20's females getting off with 30+ males explains this though lesbian pairings would be most efficient at removing females from the dating pool. It also seems about 30 %age points of girls are prioritizing work over pair bonding.

So I think younger man/older woman is a male adaption to the facts on the ground. Pussy is pussy right? Reduced female fertility is a bonus in this circumstance. Don't have to buy condoms.

Are these relationships stable? Men's market value increases with age. In his 30's he can still reach down for a 20's girl. Evolution has resulted in us selecting strongly for fertile females in their 20's. They definitely have a Phoar aspect to them and are more light hearted which is attractive in itself.

So I think younger men/older woman couplings have a limited shelf life. With the couple I mentioned, his mom greeted his new woman with "Just how old are you?". His mom is definitely going to batting for a younger fertile female in her son's life. It possibly doesn't help that his woman taught his best friend at school.

[Asker]

Two questions is there any data that you know about with the divorce rate of people with smaller age gaps and the divorce rate of couples with bigger age gaps. Also why were Egyptian men dying at 24?

[RavVid]

Both good questions. I have not seen anything on divorce rates and age gap and it is interesting so i will have a look. It is knowable from births deaths and marriage records of course. Thinking about it, it is possible a younger woman might become dissatisfied with an older man.

On the reverse side an older man might have learnt something in life and be better at cozening his wife and keeping her happy.

Worth checking up on. I will post if I find anything.

As to why men died by 24 whilst women lived to 35 I don't know the answer either and just repeat what I have read. Egyptian men are depicted as red and women as yellow in paintings reflecting men were sun burnt from outdoor work. Despite all the power tools even today tradies find there bodies wearing out by 40. There are skeletons with major scoliosis from carrying burdens. It has always been dangerous being male :)

Again I will see what I can find. It was an area I had down to check on.

If you google Fayum mummy portraits you will there is a large number of portraits around 300 BC. It is thought they were painted whilst the person was alive. Seems to imply there was no time to lose in getting that mummy portrait ticked off.

[RavVid]

Large age gaps are not looking good for marriage stability! Divorce is nearly 40% more likely with a 10 year gap. See

www.theatlantic.com/.../

[Asker]

Thanks for all the info

[RavVid]

Thank you for questioning. I've got something out of it. I am questioning it though. It doesn't pass my pub test that a 1 year gap should give even 3 % likelihood of divorce.

[RavVid]

As well as hard labor, associated accidents, not so good nutrition, and war, there a bunch of parasitic diseases such as malaria in ancient Egypt. Tuberculosis was common. Child mortality was high which drags numbers down.

I'm doubtful we can get a good perspective on death.

There does seem to be a better female immune system. Even now we expect women to live longer.

The pyramids were just ancient to Cleopatra as Cleopatra is to us. I did say ancient wrt 300 BC, knowing I shouldn't, to convey the distance in time. There is no reason to assume constant conditions all the way through the time span.

[4ngelic]

personally i don't care too much about age gaps relationships as long as the younger person is 21+ and it's not like a 40-50+ year age gap. regardless of the genders. though it's true if i see one where the like the girl is 27 and the guy 45, i wouldn't really notice or think anything of it. though if you swap genders i'd for sure notice and be like damn she's a cougar lol. wouldn't think it's gross or anything though, would just think it's a bit out of the norm and she's lucky she cuffed a younger dude. though if she's not exactly a milf i might ask myself if she's not being taken advantage of financially.

anyways a lot of younger guys find pretty milfs hot and would sleep with them potentially, but generally they wouldn't be interested in dating them. as for why that's the case there's a couple reasons. first off people tend to want to date close to their age particularely for serious things. if people dont date their age, it tends to be older for women and younger for guys. because women are more likely than guys to care about maturity, stability & money in a partner (and that comes with age) and men more with beauty (and that tends to start to fade after a certain age). there's also the power dynamic. like if someone is older they tend to be above the other person in a way, or at least that's how a lot people see it. so guys can also be concerned that the women wears the pants in the relationship if she's older. there's also other non sex specific issues with age gaps that can make dudes less interesting in dating older women, like having very different hobbies, lifestyles, priorities, maturity levels etc.. and if she's a women that's still able to have kids, the fear that she'll push kids and marriage super quick. then there's also social stigma and the fear of being judged for that. also most people (men included) that are middle aged can't compare looks wise to what they were in their 20s.

so basically i dont think you'll find many 20 something's that want to date you. you'd have to go on specific sites (and be careful of wannabe sugar babies/gold diggers and romance scammers on them) or go for guys in their 30s (the smaller the age gap, the more likely stuff can happen and be genuine)

[Asker]

Yeah I hear you but I don't know how many people seek out an age gap or just happen to be really into that person. The older person might be more fun and adventurous and the younger might have an old soul. Either way I also think many people look better in their 40's rather than 20s it depends on how a person takes care of themselves. Lots of older men and women are aging like fine wine lol.

[Apple1996]

No big deal since he's over the age of 25. My cousin just had a baby and is about to get married to a younger guy they have a similar age gap to this

[DishLady]

It can be. It depends on the people involved.

[Skinhead-1979]

No, it's not my business to have an issue with that.

I wouldn't date a woman who is older than me, but that's just my preference; I don't see older women than me as relationship material... I do feel really comfortable with woman who are +/- 10 years older than me (so mid 50s), and I think it is because I do not have to worry about any Romance forming.

(There is also a psychological reason... I've never really had a mother person; my mother was abusive and I have been afraid of her as a Teen; I will never treat a 10 year older woman as a mother, that's just wrong if you ask me, but she does fill that void somewhat)

[Asker]

I'm sorry to hear about your early experience no one should have to go through that but you sound like a strong individual. I too wouldn't necessarily seek out someone that much older than me but I ended up getting acquainted with this person and than an interest before age was ever discussed and this also started during the pandemic where were still under a mask mandate

[Skinhead-1979]

Age is really just a number... so if everything 'clicks' age should not stand anything beautiful in the way.

[meepmeeperton]

Generally speaking men are more attracted to women their age and younger, but of course there are guys that like older women. Sometimes they might find it embarrassing to admit I don't think it's a super embarrassing thing just a preference.

My girlfriend is a few years younger than me but I'm in it for the long game. I think she will still be hot at 44. But I'd much rather just wait for that day to come than go and date a middle aged woman now who will be elderly when I'm in my 30's and 40's.

[LiamJHayden]

I don't care whom consenting adults date. Personally, I almost always date older. My first girlfriend was 18 when I was 14. When I was 24 I dated a 41-year-old. It ended because her friends and family got to her with the "robbing the cradle" nonsense.

[Asker]

That's seems like the toughest part is that other people don't like for you, instead of considering if they are happy let them be happy.

[Ladsin2]

Older men with younger women is normal. It’s been the case for all societies for almost all of time. This is because older men can provide what younger men in many cases cannot. Ie stability, resources, and experience. These are attraction triggers for women, but not so the other way around. My friend is my age (30) and is “dating” a 42 year old woman. He’s not too retested in her for long term prospects as she can’t provide what men want. Ie youth beauty and fertility.

[BetaBucks]

Not a problem. It's likely just a sexual relationship, since kids aren't too likely at her age. All that matters is that two people are consenting adults though.

[Berethor]

44 woman is too old to give birth, that's why it not accepted.

[Asker]

Women can have babies until they go through menopause and that age varies. I'm not saying I want to but Women do have babies at 44

[RyanK9b]

Bc the older woman has no benefits for the guy. She can't have children, is out of prime. Its just nothing guys search for basically

[MK1997]

Yet you defend them when they creep on teens and hard on gay men for no reason. I hope your son will get fucked by a much older man one day.

[Nikki1989]

44 and 26 is really pushing it.