How do I tell my boyfriend about his hygiene without hurting his feelings or causing him to feel pushed away from me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 2 months now. We do not live together yet, however we see each other like twice a week but text literally everyday. He’s such a loyal, devoted, and funny man. He’s everything I could ask for personality wise mostly and attractiveness besides his hygiene … when I first met him, I didn’t think much of it. I thought eh, he’s a little dirty at times but he’ll pick up better habits but he didn’t. He doesn’t wash his hands hardly ever and only showers three times a week but im a very clean woman, I shower everyday and I wash my hands consistently, and brush my teeth twice a day. I’m a little cluttered at times but that’s it. I feel so bad because I don’t wanna eat from him when he makes me something but it really does upset me but I am a sanitary person. I don’t know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Here is the thing. You cannot force a person to change there is some things that you either have to be able to work through or figure out maybe someone isn’t right for you, and vice versa.

Be honest and communicate respectfully. If you allow yourself to hold things in you can start to build bitterness, anger, and resentment that is NOT what you want to do.

You just need to tell him that you care deeply about him and love him, but that he needs to take better care of himself and it’s bothering you. Tell him you love that he cooks for you, but you don’t feel comfortable eating it because he has dirty hands.

Sometimes even if the truth hurts being honest is better then lying. Sure, there are times when you can say nothing. I’m not saying to tell the truth in a mean way. But you need to be upfront about how you feel. These are conversations that you need to have.

Look. Me personally I can have the sweetest girl. But if she smelled bad, had dirty hands, does not brush her teeth, etc. I would feel uncomfortable too. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. But holding hands, kissing, if she makes me something, etc.

Your feelings are completely valid though if he refuses to change his ways. You aren’t his mother….. Either you’ll have to talk through things and work it out. Or maybe it’s not meant to be. I don’t know

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Listen, right now it's minor-ish, but if this progresses it will be a major issue. You won't want to have sex with him, you won't want to kiss him, you won't like his touch, and his filth will drive you crazy until it's the only thing you can see about him.

If he is around your age, he'll have a rough time changing unless he is internally motivated. People "won't change until the pain of not changing becomes greater than the pain of changing". This is grade school stuff, and it's a simple thing for him to work on, in my opinion.

Say, "I really like you as a person and I think we click really well. There is something I need to talk to you about, though. Would it be all right if I told you something that bugs me about you?" He will say yes. Then say "I am concerned that you will make light of it or brush it off, but I need you to understand that this is very important to me and I need you to try and put yourself in my position for a minute. I need you to listen until I finish". I suspect he will be stressed out a little by now. Then tell him the truth. If he values you and really cares, he will make the change. If he doesn't, I would seriously advise you to backpedal. Hygiene is important, especially if you're a very clean person.

And one more thing: What you are asking is reasonable. You aren't asking him for a fancy house or to bring in 6 figures. You're asking for basic sanitary behavior.

Just my perspective. Hope it helps! :D

[Account]

You have been together for 1 year and 2 months. 1 whole year.
Easy, I would have told him: "Bro, you stink please do something about it because the reek is deadly." Or else next time I would be going out with him I would put a clothespin on my nose, cross my arms and tell him I ain't removing it till he decides to take a shower and that whole behavior is making me reconsider the entire relationship.
I am not mature nor polite, I am aware that I am childish as fuck, but that is the only way.

[Account]

Damn all these other answers made realize the I lack charm or that I can be too direct in a way that can be interpreter as "rude" . 😂

[Skinhead-1979]

Not washing hands a lot is not an issue; germs are actually beneficial to us because it will reinforce our immune system.

Brushing teeth 1x per is enough if you have healthy teeth; if your teeth and gums are prone to infections and all, yes brushing more and using Mouth-wash is needed

(My ex' breath stank, no matter how much she brushed, flossed and used mouth-wash... yet she was complaining about me smoking and drinking coffee; gtfo, I have never needed any work done on my teeth; never had any holes or worse)

Showering only 3x a week, however... yeah, I can imagine you have issues with that.

[devilish-cutie]

Showering 3x a week is okay, showering everyday is not actually healthy for you. But if he stinks, his breath stinks, he is dirty, try to adress these things little by little. Tell him to take a gum if you are about to kiss. Slightly little by little try to tell him thinks like, honey your feet stink a bit could you please wash them, thank you etc. Some men are so dense, you gotta tell them.

[DishLady]

Wait till you have a private moment together and mention it to him plainly. If you have an idea of one or two products that would be helpful to him, make a small carepackage and go through it with him so the conversation is more of a positive, “how to use this” convo rather than a critical “babe you’re so funky” convo.

[Changiis07]

You have to have an honest conversation about it, tell him that you love him but that you don't like how his hygiene is making you feel. If you two were to get married there will be issues so it is best to confront it now than later

[Purpleronnie]

Subtlety doesn’t work with most guys so you can likely forget about anything but the direct approach. I would however sell it with a little smile by being direct but friendly and or funny and then use basic re-enforcement when he is fresh out the shower and smelling good from head to toe “ I love it when you smell good ! “


I would say however that there is generally not really a need to be showering every day but that DOES depend on perhaps his job and what he gets up to in the days. I do it mainly for routine , get up shower , before I go to bed , shower , and more in between when it’s justified.

[Kaneki05]

Showering 3 times a week is pretty okay if there isn't outside factors.
People don't need to shower every day in fact it's not recommended. But if he's prone to sweating or it's a hot day etc then yeah sure he may need another or if his work is something that brings dirt.

But anyway just tell him. A guy shouldn't be that concerned to wash a bit more for the sake of keeping his girlfriend lol. I don't have much in a way of trying for hygiene but that's cause I am single no doubt and have done so in the past tried to be better if I have a girlfriend.

[SpeedAnswerDemon]

I GOT THIS BOEHS

first, when your visiting, when he's going to sleep, hide an entire ant colony under his couch. I don't give a single shit how though, maybe ant colony or whatever.

make sure she doesn't notice it until it's night time, and the ants have already gone everywhere, in his food, everything since they can't bury themselves in dirt, but they will get in the cracks and cause structural damage as well as crawl inside his couch. transport some ants into his bed, a noticeable amount, that night, when he sleeps...

he will know pain

[SneakyPapaya]

Men are simple creatures. Be direct, but maybe preface it with kindness. Like hey I'm not saying this to be mean or hurt your feelings, but I just want to have an open discussion about hygiene, because I feel uncomfortable with some of your habits. And you can end the conversation with you know if you ever feel like I do anything that you want to talk about please talk to me about it, because I want you to always feel comfortable around me and I want to be closer with you. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

You start with baby steps. Personally I shower everyday (sometimes twice). I wash my hands. But I can be messy and disorganized at times.

I can also miss out details with hygiene. For example I used to not care about razor burn on my neck when I shave. But it didn’t look good and my then girlfriend encouraged me to use anti-bump soothing balm. Now I consistently use it after shaving. I am also more aware of ugly hairs (nose, ears) that I take off when I shave.

So I would tell him that taking a shower daily helps out you in a better mood. Also say you sometimes get overwhelmed with messes but when you clean up one small mess it’s easier to tackle bigger ones.

[strangeatcircleK]

I think we all have our quirks

The difficult part is that people specifically men, traditionally go pee and leave.

That's not me but it's common and I've seen it

However, you could say that it would make you more comfortable if he would consider the hand wash.

If it's further than that. I don't think there is anything wrong with skipping a shower for a couple of days but could encourage body spray and maybe a hair freshener spray

And past that, if he is constantly smelly. That becomes more difficult. I know a friend like that. From there, it's tricky. If you were intimate already, you could regularly take showers with him for fun

But the encouragement of extra showers... It does not hurt to ask about it but that's where proper wording needs to come in. "I love you, but I don't love your stink" 😂😂😂

Less blunt than that but something like that

[Anilkumar3277]

you should tell him that these things are missing in him so he can try to do it for you if he loves you also tell him to manage his property and keep them classified in their area. also, go to his home again and do it with yourself so he can realize.. because I am the same person the way he is but at least I bathe every day and clean my bathroom neatly. groom well dressed up. but sometimes I don't clean my room so all the boys are the same here don't worry about it at this part to clean the home or his own house because it's challenging for boys to clean their room themself..

[dustybiker2]

Be straight up. Men appreciate it. It's probably not even something he thinks about but if he knew it bothered you he would step it up.
Tell him being clean is a big deal for you if you move in together. Being tidy, showering, hygiene. Then ask him if he's willing to do these things frequently for you.
See what he says.

[Daniela1982]

You have been with him for over a year and you can't be honest with him yet? I'm pretty sure if you smelled bad, above or below, he would probably tell you.

EWWWWW

[ArrowheadSW]

I would start with the hand washing, and approach it from the viewpoint of food prep and keeping prepared food as sanitary as possible. That puts the perspective on prepared food rather than his poor habits. Perhaps deal with the other issues one at a time? I know this is a tough issue.

[massb]

This should have been addressed in the beginning. But ask him why he only showers 3 times a week. I shower everyday as well and not washing your hands is crazy as well damn. He's white isn't he? Just tell him hey how Come you don't shower everyday. I love you and want you to be more clean. Don't you want to smell good?

[Nifrayu]

Showering three times a week can actually be healthier than shower showering everyday. Maybe unless you take cold showers. But he should definitely be washing his hands regularly.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

Ask him if he likes the fact you are so clean and fresh. Then tell him you’d also like it if he did that. That good hygiene is a very attractive feature.

[Nikki1989]

That is disgusting. At the very least, he should be showering 3–4 times a week and washing his hands and face several times a day.

[MikeyObrien]

Okay so here's what to do. Get ahold of his friends and tell them what's going on and have them come over and roast him for his dirty ass room. It'll displace the blame off you, and it'll be funny because it's coming from his boys.

[dustybiker2]

That's smart.

[Starrrboy]

You have to tell him, there's no other way... people don't take a hint with this kinda stuff.. then the real challenge, are they actually going to change their very personal habits for someone ( and keep up with it ) or not..

[Alex-Snow]

Guys will get the hint. Just bring it up and get to the point. If he cares about you he will do something about it. Is it messing with your sex life with him?

[patois]

So basically you don't like this guy and you want to change him...

[Nifrayu]

Showering everyday can actually be bad for you. That said, if he is dirty or he smells bad, then he probably needs to shower more often. I would just let him know that it's bothering you.

[noohair]

Where are you and where is he from. I don't think you have any chance of fixing him. The only person you can change is yourself. Move on.

[Asker]

California US

[noohair]

I guess the water shortage in California is much worse that I thought.

[onedarkcloud]

Buy him a nice smelling men's soap, and a can of deodorant, and foot powder, and tell him to make love to them often.

[Ceejay12345]

Just tell him he stinks and if he doesn’t scrub up, you’ll dump him. How on earth do you have sex with him?

[Markella2003]

Tell him about it if he doesn't want to do anything then you leave. I don't know about you hygiene is more important.

[Dongie]

Start calling him pigpen.