What matters more, feeling “the spark” for finding someone you can work with?

[Anonymous]

I’m in my early 20s and I’m at a point where any relationship I get into has the end goal of marriage. I want a family and a husband, not just a boyfriend. Often I end up on dates with great guys who check all the things you look for tall, good-looking, at a decent place in his life, but you have to weigh how great of a father/husband he could be based on communication, stability, mental health, vs how much you feel the spark” “The spark” being that familiar, best friend, deep attraction, instant connection feeling.

For my own dating life, I try to manage how much I care about “the spark” with how workable someone is. I would prefer someone with both but dating and marriage is better when you have a reasonable, kind, decent guy. If I can build with a man then that’s alright with me. Some women I’ve met fully value family/husband potential while others fully rely on “the spark.” Women how much do you value “the spark” and if it’s important how long do you give a man before you decide whether or not you feel it? Men, how much do you value “the spark” and how have you seen the women you date value “the spark.”

[OlderAndWiser]

1. It is great that you are aware of your goals and are not hesitant to express them!


2. When i was dating (until December 2020,) i had the same goal. Having kids is not on the agenda, but I wanted to come home to the same woman every night. I get it.


3. As i have gotten older, immediate physical attraction has become less important than compatibility. I dated a woman from 2015-2017 and finally broke up with her because long term commitment from her was not forthcoming. I had felt strongly attracted to her and our physical relationship was great. But a few months after we broke up, I looked at a picture of her and wondered why i had been attracted to her.


4. Find a man who is attractive but not the right guy but don’t expect him to ever become the right guy. Find the right guy and attraction will follow.

[BetaBucks]

To women, the spark. To men, the ability to work with them. Plenty of women can get past the lack of spark, but they'll never truly value the man as anything more than a plow horse.

[Pinkflowers400]

I feel now being more experienced in the dating scene. The spark isn’t important. It’s made up. It’s there positive qualities that I admire. It’s how they treat you what makes you fall in love.

[Anonymous]

For a guy, finding someone you can work with. For most women today, finding the spark this is why most relationships do not happen today. You cannot have a successful relationship if only one party is taking a sensible, practical approach.