Isn't it very happy being single?

[sadstrawberry]

I'm very happy :) I sleep so nicely. No anxiety no restlessness

Yes

See comments

[Lynx122]

Your name is sad strawberry XD

[sadstrawberry]

Haha coz I was in a relationship once.

[Lynx122]

Oh that makes sense XD I'm glad you're so happy now then :)

[Staximus]

I've been single long enough

[OlderAndWiser]

My impression is that most people would prefer to be in a relationship rather than being alone. And most people who are alone would rather have a companion, so most often, when we hear people say "I'm much happier being single. I have freedom to do whatever I want," they are usually just trying to console themselves.

All of this doesn't necessarily apply to you. I don't know much about you but I think maybe it does apply, because your user name is Sad Strawberry. People don't often call themselves "sad" unless that is how they really feel.

[Anonymous]

It’s easy for an attractive young female to say that. She will always have options including more options then her equal male counterpart (equal looks, equal personality, etc).

It’s also usually on men to initiate a relationship. From saying hello to a woman he liked all the way to proposing it’s usually on the man to stick his neck out. This is starting to change (thanks to what #metoo) but it’s far from parity.

Single women don’t get judged as harshly vs single men too. Especially in “modern times” she’s considered “strong and independent” if she’s single. Her equal single male counterpart is more likely to be labeled negative stereotypes if he’s long time single (immature, weird, loser, too shy, passive, possibly “gay”, etc).

So bottom line is there a difference between voluntary single vs involuntary single. Most single women particularly young single women are voluntarily single.

Not true for men. They might go through phases of wanting to be single but for men it’s not just sex/companionship it’s also about being respected by society. Men wife viable gfs/wives are viewed as more competent/successful vs those who are not. Especially from other women.

[Opinion Owner]

* Men who have viable gfs/wives

[DreamCrescent]

believe me, everyone has their own struggles. it may seem from your perspective that the other side has it better, but come around and we’re all the same after all

that being said, regarding being single: it’s not the worst thing at all. to anyone

[Opinion Owner]

@DreamCrescent I won’t assume that women have it easier overall in life. For example I think it’s overall much tougher biologically for women (periods, complicated reproductive system, etc.).

But when it comes to romance and mating selection women do have a distinct advantage over men (when all else is equal). Especially in western society.

I believe Mother Nature gave this advantage to women as a way of “evening the playing field” given men historically had other advantages (being physically stronger, more simple biologically, etc).

However one thing I am extremely fed up with is how too women naively assume dating is the same for guys as it is for themselves. Especially when young attractive women do this.

It’s not in the least. And it takes MENTAL EFFORT to understand that. It also means acknowledging you have a privilege (which modern women often avoid admitting).

I am not expecting that to ever change. But it would be nice if women could just own up to that advantage. When they acknowledge it they usually more respectful towards men, particularly when it comes to HOW they interact and reject men. It gives them better judgment.

That’s a major pain point for many single men. It’s a respect issue.

[DreamCrescent]

but they don’t, though. i can see why you think that, looking at things from your corner, but i invite you to entertain that notion might be a fallacy

in any case, agree to disagree

besides, having to initiate or stick their necks out like you said or buy a ring or have the upper hand in a relationship really does give guys in heteronormative relationship tons of leverage

it goes quite deeper than periods and physical strength. if a guy didn’t express his own willingness/attraction/commitment/devotion, he’s just as well out the door. no woman who made the first move ever feels secure in a relationship with a man, no matter what century

[Opinion Owner]

@DreamCrescent “ no woman who made the first move ever feels secure in a relationship with a man,”

I can understand that. I can understand how she might get used for sex. I can understand how she might feel he would value her less because she comes off as too easy. I get that.

But take a look around you. Times have CHANGED with all this. Particularly how women no longer tolerate “misbehavior” from men like they once did.

Now I say “misbehavior” ambiguously. Because there really are dbag abusive men out there who need to be called out. But this also has a much large scale negative impact on mainstream men. None of us want to be labeled a creep, abuser, etc. So now men are not approaching like they used to and if they do they are much more paranoid/passive about it. Do women really like men being that way?

I personally have been much more cautious on how I approach women compared to 5 years ago (and definitely 10 years ago). I used to be a risk taker but if I ever crossed a line I immediately apologized for it (and meant it).

But nowadays I am much less likely to take a chance. I did ask a young woman out on a date I met a CF gym 2 years ago. But this was after having 5 previous long friendly conversations with her and carefully planning how and when I would do it (I didn’t want to do it the gym in front of everybody else). Also asked her “if she like to get breakfast”. About as least threatening as it could be.

[Opinion Owner]

She smiled when I asked and said she had a boyfriend (I didn’t know). She handled it well and I appreciated that. I was disappointed but not angry. Wasn’t rude later but I didn’t waste time with any more long conversations as well.

But all the mentally preparation I went through on that really sucked. 10 years I would have asked for her number during the first or second conversation. If she yes, great. If no, then no harm no foul. No need for all that anticipation.

But nowadays that’s just too risky. Huge risk of being labeled “a creep” if 1) she didn’t find me physically attractive and/or 2) I said something socially awkward because of my nerves.

Anyway if I am ranting too much my apologies. But I seriously believe women could do a better job at understanding the man’s POV on this.

[DreamCrescent]

i don’t see it as ranting :)
we’re discussing something from completely opposite perspectives; all good

Loved the example you gave with the woman at crossfit. What’s so wrong with that? You established some rapport, had a foundation, and then expressed your interest. That’s actually ideal

i understand the nerves. Obviously, you’re putting yourself out there. Anyone would appreciate that and thanks for being a gentleman about it

But, hello? Even 10 or 20 years ago asking for a person’s phone number from the jump with no preamble wouldn’t have gotten you far. Maybe some women didn’t yet feel empowered enough to say no, maybe the numbers you getting were from questionable people anyway (😆), maybe you got lucky. But oh boy talk about nerves
Being asked by a complete stranger for my phone number is just as scary as stalked by a serial killer. There’s just no foundation and i understand that doesn’t make a guy a creep but it doesn’t lessen the creepy feeling a woman gets

I’ve heard tons of guys always say no one gives them a chance and how “I’m a decent person but you’ll never know because you wouldn’t give me the chance to prove myself” but it’s right there in the introduction

sorry if it doesn’t make sense because you know in your heart you’re a a decent person who isn’t a creep but you didn’t give that sense of reassurance and the world is full of evidence to the contrary

It’s like this:
“Can i have your phone number?” 😱
vs
“This is me. Nonthreatening. Also, I come with a personality” 🤔🙂

If i were to tell my own example, I’m not the type to say no. That’s too confrontational. But i’ve plenty given fake phone numbers in lieu of a direct no. Probably none of those guys deserved that. Probably none of them were creeps. Who’s to say, though? What’s the alternative, give the creeps a chance?
Random stranger asking for a phone number = heart rate spikes; defenses go up; willingness to give someone the benefit of the doubt goes out the window

[DreamCrescent]

what a tangent, though. Question was about enjoying singlehood. lol

I’m sure asker doesn’t appreciate the back and forth here

[Opinion Owner]

@DreamCrescent ah we did get off on a tangent. But the bottom line is the early stages of dating is much different (and more difficult) for most men than most women will ever realize.

Also about me being direct when I was younger. I wasn’t necessarily overly direct/aggressive back then. I was playful, more flirty and kidding around a lot. Also I was in my physical looks prime. But 4 out of 5 times back then I would at least get a girls phone number.

Funny what is “cute and funny” vs “inappropriate and creepy” from a woman’s POV changes very quickly if they find the guy attractive vs unattractive.

Anyway the QA posted a question that really put zero effort into understanding how things other people out there. I’m guessing she’s an attractive 25 year of woman. She’s happy being single. Alright good for her.

But if she ever got lonely or wanted a relationship she could easily just say yes to the next viable man who asks her out (and he’s right around the corner) or give signals to a guys she’s interested in. She’s got options and those options usually COME TO HER. All she has to do is say yes or no. They might not always her top choices but still she’s got more options vs her equal male counterpart.

It would be nice if she (and other woman) can acknowledge that for once. Not that I expect that to change (because it never will) but at least acknowledge having that particular advantage.

[Opinion Owner]

Also about the young woman I met at the CF gym. She rejected me the way she was supposed to. She was honest, polite but also respectful. No harm no foul. I was proud of myself for taking a chance (been a while since I asked out a girl directly)

But she kept on wanting to get in long friendly conversations afterwards. Maybe she felt guilty but I also got a bad feeling she was confident I would be okay with the friendzone (absolute hell no on that).

I was polite/nice afterwards but I kept the convos short to show I wasn’t interested in friendzone bs.

But again that took effort, risk and awkwardness after sticking my neck out. The ladies in the gym started gossiping about it too (I overheard one of them making a comment about me liking her).

Not comfortable at all afterwards. Could of been worse but still the gamble was on me to ask her out.

Women could do a better job in general of respecting the expectations place on men there. That’s the bottom line.

[DreamCrescent]

I got you. But my point I’m trying to say, we are all human, after all. We do all get lonely.

I’m okay being single and that describes my current emotional state. Can’t promise it persists next month and i won’t say i haven’t been in the past driven by my loneliness to settle with a less than ideal partner

Let’s agree that stuff is our natural common ground.

I’ll say for all the women who don’t, we do appreciate those of you who lead with self-awareness and understanding. Not lost and I’m sorry you don’t hear it enough

I’m afraid i won’t be able to meet you halfway regarding women having it easier, or more options, or a choice in the matter. Your argument is that all they have to do is say yes or no so therefore that’s effortless or low-risk. But you had the original choice in the matter when you think about it. You don’t have to approach someone you’re not interested in or not attracted to. There’s your agency.
Women have the option of agreeing to a date or rejecting, and that’s their prerogative

We can’t choose who approaches and whatever we do some guys we may actually like may never be interested. And that’s just life.

[DreamCrescent]

Won’t defend the gym woman’s behavior post declining your advances.

That’s people-pleasing behavior. She wants to feel like she wasn’t harsh with her rejection and is trying to keep some form of fake friendship to appease her own conscience. But there’s no need for that and she doesn’t need to make the most basic thing awkward

She may also see something in you that she wants to keep you close but again, that’s unkind on so many levels.

Your prerogative to cut it short and good for you refusing the friendzone

[Opinion Owner]

@DreamCrescent well I got raked over the coals with friendzone bs when I was much younger and naive. So I’ve developed radar for that crap.

She really wasn’t that bad afterwards compared to what I’ve dealt with in the past. Also we both unfortunately knew we would have to run into each other again. So quick friendly small talk is okay to ease the nerves. But i could tell she wanted me to engage with her like I used too. She liked that attention. Ah no. Hell no.

But I was also very carefully listening in the previous conversations for the words “my boyfriend/husband”.

Would of saved me embarrassment if I found out she was taken BEFORE asking her out. Anyway it is what it is.

I said my piece. Anyway have a nice day 👍

[Opinion Owner]

*she never mentioned “my bf” in previous conversations.

[DreamCrescent]

ty. you as wellsies

[Bricealan]

Yes, it is, as it is less complicated than with a mate and children. You come and go as you please, and don't have the responsibility of someone else to worry about. I have been married and divorced and have had several other relationships. The less complicated the relationship, the less complicate my life is.

Better to have the option of doing what you want than to have many, many other responsibilities to add stress in your life.

Then again, having a mate does have some good parts too.

[Anonymous]

lol ok. Of that helps you to sleep better at night by telling yourself that that’s your choice. Deep down I think all people want to be w someone Eventually you get to a point of coming home to no one. Maybe your cats. But no legacy, no kids to say mommy’s home. No memories to build w someone you love. Eventually all your friends slowly dwindle because they e gotten married, started a family, etc. It’s sad to see people in the hospital get a bad diagnosis. Even sadder when there’s no one there to support them, to love them, to comfort them, etc.

[Minky17]

Yes I like my own space and comfort. I don't have to deal with anyone else's instable emotions. I can tell myself how it is and no one gets offended. I don't have to deal with anyone else's insecurities or bad behaviors.

[midnightmoon05]

I don’t like being single. Can I? Sure and have.
I live being with my hubby. Ex hubby never moved around in bed lol… after some time, you can see his side with the mattress sank in a bit.
my hubby is so fun to love and cuddle with.
I love having a best friend to eat with, do things with, go out with. We talk, hold hands, giggle, chit chat about life, goals, play dress up, go shopping, dinner out. So much better than being single.

[abc3643]

Absolutely.

"You never know what you have until you have it no more."

The freedom I had when I was single and/or lived alone is just... so relaxing.

Want quality, guilt-free sex? Well, there's a reason why God made your arms long enough... and why tyrannosaurs were so grumpy!

https://www.youtube.com/embed/GG7GTGKZVBk

[Kori1236]

I’m happy by myself. To change that I need someone that I prefer to be with more than I prefer to be alone. That said it is sometimes lonely which is why I prefer to have a pet. But my dog passed so it’s a little more lonely than before.

[Ohhmandy]

Im 39 i been single for 7 years... and well after my divorce im so much more aware of people's actions and what i deserve. These days it is EXTREMELY hard and rare to find genuine people and because of that it gets lonely af.

[BetaBucks]

So happy you had to go online to convince a bunch of strangers of it 😂

[Nikki1989]

Keep telling yourself that if it helps your mindset. The fact you have to post about it tells a very different story.

[paledreams]

Yes I've been single since the dawn of time and I'm 30 now, sleep in my single bed easily and smoothly ever since :P

[Jersey2]

I am happier married, so is my wife. It seems you are on the Cat Lady path.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Some days, yes for me. Other days, no.

It's all up to an individual and what makes them feel comfortable and good.

[LiamJHayden]

I am fine either being single or being in a good or great relationship.

[daddyslittlemonster]

rejection sucks the
hope out of love

dont care to date now

[RubyFrench]

You have DEFINITELY been with the wrong people.

[blueonblack22]

In modern times who hasn’t.

[Nirmroth]

Eh we dont really know what happend behind the curtains without the information spread of the internet.
Cheating etc at least under written records of nobility was pretty common

[RubyFrench]

Most people have been with somebody awful, that part is agreed. But If it happens repeatedly to the point where you think you can only sleep better, feel less anxious etc when you're single! then you have probably been with the wrong ones. Just being honest.

[nolabels]

It was while it lasted.

[ManInChains]

Yes, especially for men. Peace and quiet.

[FunkyMonkee]

I don't know, I'd have to ask it.

[SmileyLady]

I don’t mind it.

[captain_voidwalker]

Single for 15 years and loving it

[Maria2002_]

Yes plus relationships become to routine.

[Anonymous]

Whatever tickles your pickle I guess.

[Jmmmfi4]

IM USED TO IT

[Anonymous]

Good for you.