Why do some guys take rejection so personally?

[Notherndude84]

Have you ever had a man not accept your rejection of sexual advances or dating requests? Or have you experienced a rejection that was difficult?

[bobby_bush_eater]

Accepting just a plain outright defeat can be hard for people.

I try to act like a gentleman and part of that is remaining respectful and in control. I know it can be hard but mistreating the girl is never the right response, even if she was rude in my opinion, it's you who approached her after all.

I understand guys often feel personally humiliated in front of the girl but you need to be able to accept rejection in life and swallow your pride.

Things like alcohol and other drugs only make that quick impulsive reaction we frequently see from men more likely to happen.

[Notherndude84]

I can’t agree with you more, what you said about being in control of yourself. It’s a hallmark of a true gentleman

[godfatherfan]

Pretty funny how women, who never make the first move, can't understand why men won't approach them when they are nasty to the guys that do approach them. I am done with all of that nonsense. If she doesn't make the first move, of if I do, and she is the least bit nasty, I will throw it back at her. I have the advantage of being older. When guys are young, sex drives everything. When you are young, women control sex. When your older like me, they don't, as I am just fine with saying "no thanks, I will watch Netflix".

[Notherndude84]

Men need to men, have the courage to take rejection, I believe that getting rejected might actually help you at times. If a really hot woman rejects you in front of her friends you’ve shown them you’re not afraid and have confidence.

[godfatherfan]

For younger guys... sure...

[Ms_Facesitter]

It's because they put themselves in a vulnerable place and get hurt for it. It could feel like a punishment to them, a personal attack.
Also thank you for adding "Some". So many people forget it or purposely leave it out to get that gender war going. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[Notherndude84]

I try not to make blanket statements. I have no desire to start a gender argument, I have amazing people in my life both men and women. I can say personally I owe a great deal to female colleagues who have helped me along in my career.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Same.

[mandyfire98]

Insecurity and just flat out ego or sense of entitlement. They went in expecting nothing but a yes because they feel it was owed.

[Notherndude84]

I read that some men in the world take rejection so hard they throw acid in a woman face. I guess that comes from an extremely high sense of entitlement.

[mandyfire98]

Yep it definitely happens. Or they get mad and hit women or call them names. As a woman rejecting guys can be just as scary as it is awkward.

[Notherndude84]

Perhaps that’s why women are kinda vague when they reject men? It’s because deep down they fear that a flat out rejection could lead to a violent act. I admit that I never really thought about it that way when I received rejection.

[mandyfire98]

Yep or making a scene of any kind.

[Zack-Bann]

Mainly the lack of positive reference experience


When a man has had little to no success with women he will tie his ego into the outcome of his attempt at courting someone


When rejected he will assume that it’s a declaration of impotence and lack of masculinity or worthiness as a functioning adult


When in fact the rejection is rarely a rejection of the man but a rejection of the idea of dating him
That can be due to many outside factors and is rarely caused by a woman’s intention to harm someone emotionally


But when a guy has tasted what it’s like to be desired and appreciated and maybe even loved he will learn to detach his ego from the outcome of asking someone out


He will no longer be offended

[TheorionMage]

Rejection of intimacies is ALWAYS 'personal'! BUT... NOT always YOUR fault.

Maturity comes balancing one's own self-image against the UNKNOWN circumstances of she whom you find 'attractive'. Hard to factor your attraction to her appearance against its unknown 'contents' circumstances.

Remember, everything you know... everything YOU do & feel, is rooted upon YOUR personal life experiences; likewise... it is for her!
Presuming YOU are not a self-absorbed 'Casanova'... her choice to not likewise explore a budding new relationship is MORE ... HER loss, than YOURS; BUT... you miss EVERY opportunity you don't at least TRY to offer!
(The "its NOT you, ... its Me" guilt rationale)

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

It's not gender-based, it's personality based. A rejection is taken personally when it resonates with past experiences of rejection. And when these past rejections have not been fully accepted inside... Then it gets EXTREMELY personal when another rejection happens, past and present then get confused and experienced as one time, one person, one moment. That's an explanation, shortened and simplified, but I strongly believe in this one.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Mix that with any place where extreme violence is common and, yes, it can get very ugly.

[Anonymous]

Well, for one thing it IS about as personal as it gets. It's essentially a girl saying, "hey, you're great and all--I just don't think your genes should continue on to the next generation. And furthermore I sure as hell don't want to tie MY genetic future to your sad contribution." So there's that.

But in the end it's a numbers game. You just have to keep at it. I've come to realize we've spent WAAAAAYYYYY too much time conditioning kids to believe that they should be "winning" over 90% of the time on anything (have you SEEN grade inflation?). The reality is that a failure rate of between 45-90% is much more natural.

[Notherndude84]

When I was dating I always had in my mind it’s simply a numbers game.

[Opinion Owner]

Absolutely.

[Notherndude84]

It honestly worked for me

[Opinion Owner]

I think that approach is pretty much the ONLY thing that works!

[Sonorous]

If one rejects another, it's usually based on external criteria not being met. External criteria in this instance is deeply determined by internal workings. Genes & environment during development. So one can make an argument that it is very personal to the person getting rejected. Identifying with the external is deeply involved in how we base our own identities. If it's not personal to someone, I imagine they wouldn't be able to point themselves out in a photo or video.

[Notherndude84]

I suppose it’s possible for someone to be genetically more susceptible to fearing rejection.

[Sonorous]

Yeah maybe. Similar to why many attractive people have positive attributes & many ugly people have negative ones. In this instance, having a less appealing external feeds a negative Matthew effect. A person with a poor external has a feeling of compounding lack of worth due to being rejected in many aspects. Each one specifically feeling more & more personal to them if they don't do inner work to calm the mind & it's expectations.

[Joshydavid25]

That's cause it is personal.. There was something about the rejected that the rejecter didn't want. Nothing wrong with being hurt by rejection, just gotta learn to move past it, and the more rejected you get the more you learn how.. But it also depends on how invested in the girl the guy was.. That's really what it's all about.

[Sonora81]

Some women make it personal. I had a friend in high school ask a girl out, and she responded, "I would not go out with you if you were the last guy on earth." What kind of response is that? Why not just say "no thanks" or "I'm not interested?" Granted it was in high school, and hopefully she matured socially, but wouldn't that hurt?

[IslaTheWitch]

people take rejection personally... both women and men... and it depends a lot on their insecurities, ego, arrogance...

[LiamJHayden]

Most of the time the guy unwisely invests a lot of time and energy in plotting and planning when 95% of the time the girl knows within a minute if she will give you a chance. Just approach, engage, and ask. If you get rejected, you spent a minute, not weeks or months.

[LiamJHayden]

Because of the wasted effort, some guys get frustrated.

[Nikki1989]

Insecurity, immaturity, or a combination of both.

[Notherndude84]

No doubt in many cases

[Kingofkings1992]

…. but saying that you’re open to plastic surgery and that virginity past the age of 16 is a red flag is so secure and mature, right?

[Anonymous]

Why does anyone take anything anyone does, personally lol 😆
The amount of jobs I've worked and the amount of folks who should be older and wiser who "freak out" or "flip out" over slightest slights - sighs - "where's my sauce?" - sighs 🤣😳😳😳

[ihateTaylorSwift]

because guys like girls
That's get em hard
Not ticks them off
most guys are dominant
so when a girl tells them no
it kinda fucks with their heads
like they should be the ones in control not in the wrong

[Notherndude84]

I think being able to handle rejection is part of being a dominant and confident man.

[Anonymous]

Well that depends on the woman. Young inexperienced guys have romantic aspirations just like young women. But when they realize the games most of the women play they either learn to adapt or this happens. Guys have to learn to not give a 💩 what a woman's response to him is. But when you think about it's understandable why some guys have trouble doing this. Because what's the point of trying to form a connection with someone who treats your feelings like a sport.

[ClassicDropout]

I don't understand why they'd get mad at the girl tho. Like if I get rejected I can only get mad at myself for not being attractive. Nobody is obligated to say yes to you for anything.

[Notherndude84]

Being physically attractive is only part of what makes a man appealing

[ClassicDropout]

You're right. I also don't have social skills, I'm broke, and a convict

[Notherndude84]

I make no assumptions about you. I’m just addressing something that I’ve noticed about men.

[CarolinaGirl5]

I think they take it just as poorly as women lol. Pay attention to both sexes reactions to rejection. I think men are a little more used it so they move on to next a lot quicker while most women need to "heal".

[SnowyOwl]

I mean, sometimes people are in a stubborn phase 😄 Maybe if someone points it out they can grow up and feel better by moving on

[Notherndude84]

I agree. I like most men have had women say they’re not interested, I guess the only thing I’d critique women about on this just be direct and say no.

I think it’s a mistake to turn someone down by implying that maybe in the future or something like that. It could lead certain guys to stalk, pester or harass you.

[NathanDavis]

I have not experienced it... but also, I never had to "request sex" so...

[Notherndude84]

You never had a dating request denied, I call bs

[NathanDavis]

yeah... but, it's just that I don't really date around like that, so you can't get rejected if you don't ask people out, right?

also, I was in relationships for years, so again... not dating around, I just had a girlfriend already

[Notherndude84]

I guess it’s possible if you don’t date.

[NathanDavis]

yeah... or, if they're the ones suggesting to go out, to which I said, hell yeah

[Notherndude84]

I sense that you have a grandiose sense of self worth.

[NathanDavis]

that could just be your complex of inferiority, and insecurity...

especially after being called out on your hypocrisy of criticizing obese people when you have all that cushion around your neck yourself...

but who knows...

[Notherndude84]

I think you just proved my point

[NathanDavis]

good for you (=

[Unap0logetic_]

Yes I’ve experienced this and he ended up being charged for the crimes he committed afterwards.

[Notherndude84]

Not your fault he was an asshole

[Katebfun]

Rejection hurts regardless if your male or female. I believe men handle it a lot better then women 😆😅

[Justneedtokno]

Yes, because the text messages and things will lead directly up to sex and I’m like that’s not what I want and I got some very derogatory terms just because I didn’t want to take it that far sorry sir

[exitseven]

It is probably the most personal thing that you can have happen. it includes disappointment, humiliation and inadequacy.

[WhyohWhy69]

Because they think they deserve special treatment. They are the same type of guy who lashes out at women for simply expecting common courtesy.

[Anonymous]

Never being told no in their formative years turns them into egotistical narcissistic megalomaniacs some will then go on to become sex offenders and even killersre-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[JHAYES317]

Because it is personal…unless you are in a relationship already, you are telling that other person that they are not attractive enough to be with you…

[genericname85]

well it doesn't get any more personal than that, does it?

[Shy_Steve]

Because we don't do it that often but when we do it is special and have a lot of feelings for the Girl we do approach.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Same reason why some girls take rejection so personallyre-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[Quigly]

I have no idea, My bank account isn't bothered by her rejection. In fact, It's doing great. Keep those rejections coming.

[PrettyCrumblBb]

Every guy was nice to me after I rejected them.

[Notherndude84]

You’re very fortunate.

[PrettyCrumblBb]

God is with me.

[Notherndude84]

If you say so

[PrettyCrumblBb]

He is ☺️

[Notherndude84]

Don’t believe in God, so whatever

[PrettyCrumblBb]

You're a typical atheist. You get mad because I mentioned God.

[Notherndude84]

So in your view God loves you more than other women? That’s why you’ve never had to deal with unwanted behaviour like violence, stalking or harassment?

[PrettyCrumblBb]

He loves everyone. But not everyone wants God in their life.

[Notherndude84]

Right so God loves you more because in your mind you accepted him?

[PrettyCrumblBb]

You don't want God in you're life but you want Him in your life?

[Notherndude84]

God only protects godly women like you, the rest can be hurt by violent men and that’s their punishment for disbelief? I guess the God of the bible murdered more women than anyone else in history, if you accept that the OT is true.

[PrettyCrumblBb]

Nope. God has mercy on those who also don't believe in Him. But if you don't want God in your life why do you want Him to protect you? You do realize we live in a world of free will. There's murders, etc. That is the consequence of living in a fallen world. I look for God and put my faith in Him. You don't want Him in your life yet you want Him in your life?

[Notherndude84]

So God created the world, yet you say it’s fallen, corrupt and evil?

I wonder why this all power God didn’t simply create a better world?

Or why is he invisible?

I mean if my kids never say me I’d be considered a dead-beat dad right?

Why is God such a dead-beat?

[Shamalien]

If you think the lads take it bad, ye should see the lasses lol

[Kingofkings1992]

How else would they take it? Rejection is about as personal as it gets. LMAO

[Notherndude84]

I just don’t see it as a personal thing. There could be a number of reasons why a woman might refuse my dating request.

[Kingofkings1992]

The question you meant to ask is “why do guys get so upset? “ Make no mistake about it, rejection is personal

[Deserter2]

Shut up simp, traitor to malesre-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[PeachyPie93]

No.. I never had issues with guys..

[scott04sa22]

I been rejected all the time

[dragoblack]

Insecurity and lack of emotional maturity

[Jmmmfi4]

HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I TAKE IT

[Notherndude84]

Exactly my point