Is it him calling it quits?

[Anonymous]

I’m talking to this guy and the first week we had really good conversation and communication and now it seems we barely talk anymore the days will pass with about four sentences said to each other and I try to interact with him more but it seems like it’s nothing cause I’ll send him a message or two and three hours later he gets back to me I wanna tell him “if you wanna stop talking don’t try to ghost me just say your not feeling this anymore” but I’m tired of coming off aggressive when speaking my mind so is being kinda ignored his way of as nicely trying to ghost me

[Anonymous]

It sounds like subconsciously you know he isn’t as invested as you are, so why hang on? Is this the sort of relationship you want to sign up for in the foreseeable future? Where you don’t speak for days and when you do it’s only a few words?

[Asker]

It’s just confusing like why would he reach out first trying to start a relationship but now I have to reach out first to get the conversation started

[Opinion Owner]

If you keep using the past as your point of reference and your motivation to continue, then you’ll never be able to move forward. I totally understand the feeling of a guy acting one way in the beginning and changing down the road. It sucks because you’ve seen what he’s capable of and can’t understand why he isn’t doing it anymore. But at the end of the day, you see what’s happening in current time and he’s simply lost interest in trying. That’s usually how it goes after the first few months, if that. The novelty wears off and you start seeing who they truly are, which in his case is an inconsistent guy who probably isn’t looking for anything serious. If he were then he would not risk losing you and be putting in that work. If you can say right now that if you didn’t reach out first you probably wouldn’t hear from him, then girl that’s your cue to go. Don’t chase that man or dwell on what he “used” to do because all that matters is right now, and right now he’s not doing enough.

[Asker]

So I should be direct and tell him that I don’t know what changed but since effort isn’t made than we should no longer consider being together

[Opinion Owner]

I personally wouldn’t say anything, because what’s the point? You have already been very direct in my opinion, telling him that if he isn’t feeling it anymore then to let you know. He will most likely not let you know because people are usually avoidant and don’t want the confrontation.

[Asker]

So don’t even feed into it it actually makes me quite upset cause I really liked him but I think it’s the best route to choose to ignore him

[Opinion Owner]

When you start feeling upset, take a step back and ask yourself why. Genuinely why. Like can you name a single thing he’s done this past week to make you like him a lot? What about the past 2 weeks? Past month? Probably nothing significant. Your sorrows are only tied to how things used to be (which probably wasn’t even very long) and your hopes for the future.
I know it sucks to feel like you’re losing a “good candidate”, but is he really that great? I mean this is who he is, there’s no better person to unlock, this is as good as he gets. Would you really be losing in this situation where the man can’t be bothered to put in a drop of effort? I mean the only reason you want to confront him again is because you want him to try and you want him to not wanna lose you, when the right man would already have those feelings or be doing those things. When the universe is putting so many hurdles in front of your foreseeable path, trying to keep you from something or someone, at some point you’ve got to listen.

[Asker]

Yea you’re right I just put his name and everything on dnd so I won’t see any messages when they come it’s upsetting but you’re right I won’t feed into the nonsense he’d try to say and just leave it at that if he needs a friend to talk to I wanna be there but no more than that

[Viking_Girl19]

Agree with you, an interested guy will always find a moment to answer!