How can I be seen more as the “girlfriend” rather than the “fun girl”?

[Anonymous]

Updates

1 y

For those of you who said “stop sleeping around/putting out so easily”, I don’t sleep around and this still happens to me. I also don’t drink and party. So, what now?

[molonski2]

1. Get yourself into the best physical condition possible ( and make sure your weight is absolutely correct.

2 . Dress appropriately. Nothing Slutty.

3 . Discuss topics rationally , dont say things like " I dont care " show you have a brain.

4 . Never try and " show off " in a group.

5 . Limit your use of intoxicating beverages , and stay off any party drugs or amfeds.

6 . Make sure you diet is correct , and consume zero fast food.

7 . Currently you are not being taken as a serious option because of all of the above and more.

8 . Get involved in some sport , or an alternate group.

9 . Never just " go with the flow " because of others , divorce yourself from this situation , and develop the style that is the best possible you.

Follow all these points and you start to become a much better version of self , will also help you mentally.

[Zack-Bann]

I wouldn’t make a girl my girlfriend if she wasn’t a fun individual


But if by fun girl you mean an easy girl who’s into one night stands that’s fairly simple:


You look for men who are interested in dating and you make sure they know that so are you.


If a man is out on the prowl looking for some strange it’s useless to try changing his mind


And if you’re presenting yourself as the girl who would sleep with every Tom Dick or Harry that buys you a drink and makes you laugh more than twice in one sitting, then you will drive away men who do want a girlfriend


So it all comes down to you:
Chose your act, chose your audience

[D_Bone_Steak]

I like that final statement... Choose your act, choose your audience.

A lot of women nowadays really seem to just not understand that concept.

[Gwendoline]

Stop getting drunk and having casual sex. Dress modestly

[Finchie40]

Don’t give yourself to easily , if you are looking for love , play hard to get , if someone really wants to be with you , they will prove it to you, by giving all their attention , making you their priority , When someone really likes you , they make you their priority , they call or text you everyday, they look forward to seeing you as much as possible , they look forward to spending time with you as much as possible , Just treat them the same way you want to be treated in return

[VIVANT]

I agree but Treating someone the way they way you want to be treated probably doesn’t include playing games 🧐

[D_Bone_Steak]

I obviously need more context as to your situation... but my first guess is...

Stop spreading your legs for them. At least until they are forced to get to know you and show they're willing to commit to you.

Now if that doesn't work and you basically chase men off with your behavior... identify what you're doing to do that, and then try to fix that.

[Asker]

Context: I am a reserved, modest woman with a great career, no children, great circle of friends, close with my family, decent domestic skills, involved in my community, have a plethora of hobbies (reading, volunteering, running, Legos, crocheting, going to concerts, traveling, baking, tennis, painting, modeling, etc.), educated (currently pursuing my MPH), emotionally and intellectually intelligent. However, men seem to just see me as a “fun girl” (read as potential friends with benefits) and not as a potential girlfriend.

I’m just trying to figure out why I am never seen as a potential girlfriend.

[D_Bone_Steak]

You sound pretty well-rounded especially compared to most women whose hobbies and interests never seem to go beyond coffee, shopping, and eating food 😂.

So these guys view you as friends with benefits's material, which makes sense because of the "pursuing your MPH" part. College or career girls were usually my targets for friends with benefits's... too busy for relationships and all that.

My guess is it's 'presentation.' Like I said already about what my targets for friends with benefits's always was. You said you're reserved and modest, so I doubt it's because you dress like a $30 hooker. It could also be the current sexual marketplace. A lot of these younger women in media has made a reputation for women in general that is... not so wholesome.

I think you're going to just have to be good at communicating you're not the 'fun time girl' and not just good at that, but really good at it. Like firm about it and quick to shut down any guy that gives you the F-boy vibes. A dude with a relationship on the mind will quickly overlook you if he sees you wasting your time talking to one of them. Do these guys know you at all or are they like randoms from School or something?

[Asker]

Guys at work, online dating, in my social circle… I am pretty front about the fact that I’m not into casual dating or friends with benefits situations. When I’ve asked guys why the only saw me as a potential friends with benefits rather than a girlfriend, they never really had an answer (one said that we were incompatible because I wasn’t confident enough, yet when I moved on he became obsessive and crazy).

[D_Bone_Steak]

I'd stay away from online dating... I'm sure you know the stats on that or at least heard about it. Only assholes like me get responses at all online and we're not interested in much more than bedroom fun.

Confusing your social circle provides that since they should know you better than that. I've only talked to you for a few paragraphs and I already know you better than that.

To be blunt (I'm assuming you're probably in your early 20's), you live in the shittiest time I've ever seen for the dating market, or I should say the relationship market, because the dating market is just code for hookups now or so it seems. Take note of my original assumption before you filled me in... which is probably the same assumption a lot of the other opinion owners would give... just another girl effing every guy that comes near her and then wondering why no boyfriend. There are reasons we're so quick to assume that. Again... shittiest time to be in the relationship market.

You're just going to have to be really good a communicating what you want and what you won't accept. So good that it will come off like something you've practiced in the mirror like a politician. I'll cross my fingers for you, but that won't help much. Sorry about the current shitty relationship marketplace.

[Asker]

Thank you!

So, I’m in my early thirties (not early twenties). This has been an issue for me since high school (so long before I went on to pursue my MPH). The men in my social circle just don’t give a fuck. There are guys the persist even when you’ve told them numerous times that you don’t see them in that way or you don’t want casual/friends with benefits. They keep trying and trying.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Yeah some guys can be persistent to the point of disgusting. I think it happens when they turn it into a 'win or lose' situation in their heads.

[lightbulb27]

you need to do a conversion... take the risk, and stand your ground. you may run into a demon and you'll have to deal with that demon. the risk is, you lose it all... but what is it anyways... without being the girlfriend?

so communicate...

[MannMitAntworten]

I read your response to the i individual asking for context. My lone guess would be the guys you are interested in are just seeking these things in women. You may have to adjust your searching locations and see if that helps any. Still, this is pure speculation based upon what I read.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

You might be too hot for your own good. Guys see you and immediately start thinking about how much they want to have sex with you.

Or maybe there's something about you that guys wouldn't want their future children exposed to. Like you have a weird laugh or a lot of tattoos or something.

How would guys who know you in real life describe you?

[Makeushiver]

I think you will need more details about what behavior is characteristic of " fun girl". Though girlfriend is usually self explanatory. If you had not remained anonymous I would have encouraged you to write via DM because this probably b touches sexual issues and I d ok not want to get flamed for candor.

[Unit1]

"Shut up. Do not talk! anything you share will be used against you. Nobody listens nor cares. You're on your own. Grades don't matter at all"

[Unit1]

Wtf. How did my post end up here? That was for a different question 😡

[Unit1]

Feel free to use "i don't want to see this" here

[lightbulb27]

haha, I was reading your answer as if it applied...

[Unit1]

@lightbulb27 in that case, she should try putting her fun energy to the boys, that intend to get a girlfriend

[VIVANT]

lol I read this literally as well

[Anonymous]

Only 2 ways 1. Choose a man capable of that. If you don't choose a man capable of that it simply will never work. It's like a guy looking for a wife in a whore house. It simply doesn't work. 2. Be worthy of it. If you've chosen a good man (and most women with this problem simply don't😆) then you have to consider you're simply not inspiring this behavior in the guy.

[jshm2]

First, are you "the girlfriend" to begin with? If you are not, then you're wasting your both your times.

If you are, then you need to sit him down and talk about the direction of the relationship and it's development.

[ProbablyClueless]

reduce any flip floppy behavior. Make sure you come across as level-headed. Stick to your word.

[DtMe89]

It's not what you want. Its' what he wants. If he doesn't see you as a girlfriend, move on

[Asker]

But why am I never seen as a girlfriend?

[DtMe89]

Who knows. Maybe it's because it's what you're looking for

[Emmytexrex]

Hmmm it's only traditional men like me that is going to see you as someone he wants as a long term relationship

[es20490446e]

Just by being selective with whom you have sex with.

If you won't keep, you don't fuck.

[Likes2drive]

I guess if you’re more intimate with each other

[StevenMcGarrett]

Hmm, if want to be serious with a guy. Sit him down and ask him.

[Crankor]

It's how you act around that person. Your actions depict the desired results don't they?

[josepppiiii]

I was always into thinner fit girls but now I’m into anyone who’s fun I don’t want to hang out with someone who isn’t excited to be around me

[KrakenAttackin]

You are a leftover, so being taken seriously will be difficult.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Establish yourself as an intelligent, thoughtful person.

[nonchalantindividual]

Maybe buy him flowers, because women never do that to men they love.

[slatyb]

By dating men looking for a girlfriend.

[avery58]

Don't put out so easily

[Anonymous]

Stop hooking up with him

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry. I guess I’m not sure what you mean by fun girl.

[Asker]

I meant “fun girl” as “FWB/Fuck Buddy”. Men always want this from me, but never want to date me.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know why guys would want this from you if you don’t put out at least sometimes

[glennos89]

Dress classy instead of sexy
Be hard to get

[jahaims]

Have good morals and values

[Christopherthegreat]

Context?

[Asker]

I am a reserved, modest woman with a great career, no children, great circle of friends, close with my family, decent domestic skills, involved in my community, have a plethora of hobbies (reading, volunteering, running, Legos, crocheting, going to concerts, traveling, baking, tennis, painting, modeling, etc.), educated (currently pursuing my MPH), emotionally and intellectually intelligent. However, men seem to just see me as a “fun girl” (read as potential friends with benefits) and not as a potential girlfriend.

I’m just trying to figure out why I am never seen as a potential girlfriend.

[Christopherthegreat]

Wow you sound like amazing fun! I’d take you on a date! :)

[Christopherthegreat]

I would by the way