Has anyone else been in a situationship/casual situation that destroyed their self-esteem?

[Anonymous]

I thought that I was seeing this guy and it was going to lead to something. Meanwhile, he had a girlfriend the entire time. This mentally destroyed me because, I was like “why her and not me?”, “what does she have that I don’t?”, “what is so terrible about me that you wouldn’t take me seriously?”.

[Sheriblossom]

I don't know if this counts as a full blown situationship or just a failed talking stage. But either way I can tell you it really fucked me up. Hence this paragraph. You don't need to read it all, I'm just venting. But I feel like I'm not the same person after this lol.

I met him over the summer after I got out of a relationship. I was instantly attracted to him, and I guess you could say he felt the same way. We were at a rave. He offered to buy me a drink ( I turned him down... this was a couple days before I officially broke things off with my boyfriend). A couple weeks later I liked his Instagram story and he DMs me. We made plans for the weekend (another rave) and hooked up. We texted back and forth for a month because he hadn't officially moved to my city. We had good convo and he said I was checking his boxes, and that he was ready for something real. The day he moved here, we hung out and hooked up again.

Right after we finished, he didn't even cuddle me and was just stone cold. It was so strange to me. I tried to be close to him while we were watching a movie but he was just distant with me. On the drive home, he mentioned how his friend saw my profile on Tinder. I didn't think it was a big deal. He even kissed me after he dropped me off. But I was scared he thought I was messing around so I told him I was taking things seriously with him. Huge mistake. He said he was "going with the flow" all of a sudden. I wrote a very small and respectful paragraph about how he seems avoidant, but that I think he will figure it out eventually. He said "K". Yes I died a little bit on the inside.

Then he had the audacity to ask me to take photos for him (because I do photography) "strictly professional and he's willing to pay me". I didn't charge him. I didn't mention anything about us when we hung out. But at the very end he gave me the spiel about how I was acting crazy, and that he could only see us being friends. Nothing more. 4 days later, he takes it back and says he's wanting to "be friends but open to seeing where it goes" and then told me about another girl he went on a date with that went badly, but that he intends to go on more dates.

It sucks to hear that. But what sucked more was that he stopped texting me and I felt like I was chasing after someone who didn't want me anymore. So I sent a final goodbye text. He unadded me on Snapchat but kept lurking on my Instagram so I blocked him. Do I still like him? Yes. Why? I have no clue. But despite how things ended, I still reminisce about the good times and wish he would come back.

[KingslayerC]

@Sheriblossom did you break up with your boyfriend with the plan to get with the new guy? Do you think this guy did a 180 because he found out you were still on Tinder?

From my perspective, I've completely shut down on girls once I saw they were still talking to other guys, or seeming to be looking for other guys. They still would tell me how much I hurt them, but I felt like I was in the right because they didn't act like they wanted something real, ya know?

[Sheriblossom]

@KingslayerC No, I decided on the breakup before I even met this guy. Meeting him was unplanned. Honestly I would love to know if I was the one who messed things up. But I basically addressed his concerns the same day he mentioned it. I didn't assume he was only talking to me, because he's really hot and gets a lot of female attention. At the rave, random girls kept coming up to him. But when I brought up the serious thing, instead of being like "yes I think we should be exclusive", he said that we've only talked for a month and it was too soon to bring that stuff up, and then started talking about other girls. If you're open to messaging me in private I would love to hear more advice because I am honestly so heartbroken over him

[KingslayerC]

Yeah, I can tell you're not a scammer account, so I'm happy to reach out. Hopefully I have some insights I can share.

[Anonymous]

Once and only once. You learn from it. And I've never allowed it to happen ever again.👍

It situations like this that make you grow as a person. And I'm a better person now for it. So while it wasn't enjoyable I am glad that it happened.

[jahaims]

No, I'm not stupid/immature

[Asker]

Okay?