How do I bring up a hard topic to him?

[Anonymous]

I love my boyfriend to death I do. But it’s like I’m raising a child. He has two kids and I love them to death but he’s likes the third child. But there has been things that has drove me to almost having a mental breakdown. Such as me and him live together, we both have jobs, but my job is more demanding than his is so I’m the breadwinner in the relationship but I don't mind but the issues happen when I get home from work, where he gets off a few hours before I do and by the time I get home, cooking, laundry, dishes, cleaning etc needs to be done but instead he’s playing video games. Which I get it you need time for yourself but if I ask him to do something I usually have to repeat it 20 times before he will actually do it. But eventually it all lands onto me because he will do somewhat but not all of it. Which I don’t ask much like putting the washed clothes into the dryer or taking the trash out. The same with his kids, like I said I love them but he depends on me to raise his kids while he just watches tv, plays video games, or sleep. Such as going out of town with my sister or parents for just for the night he will beg me to stay because quote on quote we are building a family and I need your help into doing so. Which I know he can’t handle the kids by himself. I just need advice as to how to handle this and voice my concerns to him before I completely loose it from having to do absolutely everything.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, that sounds like a really tough situation. It must be so frustrating having to pick up the slack all the time and feeling like you're the one responsible for everything. I can understand why you're feeling like you're about to have a breakdown.

The best advice I can give is to try to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about this. I know it's not easy to bring up, but you gotta let him know how you're feeling before it gets to the point where you can't handle it anymore.

Maybe try to pick a time when you're both calm and not in the middle of a chore or argument. Explain to him how overwhelmed you've been feeling and how it's affecting you. Make it clear that you love him and the kids, but the current situation is not sustainable for you.

Suggest ways that he can step up and take more responsibility around the house and with the kids. Don't just tell him what to do, but have a discussion about it and see if you can come up with a plan together. That way, he has some ownership over it too.

And if he still doesn't follow through, don't be afraid to put your foot down. You can't be responsible for everything all the time. Maybe tell him that you'll have to start limiting your help if he can't step up. I know it's not easy, but you gotta take care of yourself too.

I really hope you guys can work it out. Just remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where the work and responsibilities are shared equally. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. You got this!

[ProbablyClueless]

I don't mean to come across harsh here, but isn't the problem that you've ALREADY HAD THE HARD CONVERSATION? Having it again isn't going to solve your problem. You've asked him to start contributing to the function of the house more, and he ignores you until you ask him 20 times and get unpleasant about it. Now you're hoping that the 21st time will suddenly be the charm?

No. This is not a communication problem. He knows what you want him to do, he just doesn't feel any compulsion to do it. This is a responsiveness problem.

You need to put your foot down and decide whether you want to keep dating someone who doesn't feel any call to action when you make a request.