How do you get a guy to open up and talk about his problems?

[jhanna]

I like this guy and we are in a kinda relationship but he won't tell me what's wrong. We both really like each other but I feel like he seems to be pulling away from the relationship. He says it's because of something going on outside of school and me and that it has nothing to do with me but I just want him to open up to me about it and I want to try and help even if it is just by listening. How do you get a guy to talk about something like this?

Updates

1 mo

I can tell the problem is really affecting him and I really don't know what to do

[DoggyDude]

Well, sound like your doing the right thing being respectful and not pressing him on something he's not ready to talk about (that's very much the right thing). I'd say what you should do is find ways to reflect how you care; If he's comfortable with you he will find the right time to go over it.

The most common reasons guys won't talk about their issues is their concerned they might be thought of in a way that might do some damage to their relationship; there's the obvious stuff, of if their worried over something happening with another potential rival, but also the subtle stuff like not wanting to reveal something that might make them appear weak, immature or possibly just something they know their partner wouldn't approve of.

Keeping that in mind, making them feel secure with you is the best way to get them to open up, but its a one way-way deal (it needs to be security over time, and dispite what they might have to say, regardless of content, assuming you care to boost not leave the relationship after hearing whatever it is). If they get the feeling they can tell their partner anything, then their partner later decides to bring up something their sensitive about as ammo in some future argument (its easy to do accidently sometimes I suspect, because to one partner its important and the other might find it even silly or offensive), the partner will be back to being closed off, and worse, find it hard to ever restore things (and this is a typical way couples fall out of love).

I'd say... If he doesn't open up, in time, on his own (or your feeling especially anxious about him and if he's okay) explain what your picking up from him, say how that affects you [without making it about you], how not being able to help / be there means you worrie more for him going through stuff alone (aka not being able to lend support as you don't know what he needs support in).

Hope any of that was helpful.

[Anonymous]

You don’t. You let him be. You can always tell him you’re there if he wants to talk. But leave it at that. Most problems men have women won’t really understand. They may to a point but the things men go through, that we have to deal w as men that women aren’t subjected to, you won’t understand. The burden that is put on us as men. I get women have certain burdens as well. He will figure it out. That’s what men do. That’s why we have a lot of the things we do today like cars, phones, tampons, etc. Because men seen a problem so they came up w a solution to make things better for man kind. Men know that putting their problems on others is a burden, most of us know not to do that. Unlike a lot of women who do. As a man you’re taught it’s just you, no one is coming to rescue you so figure it out. Sure you may say well that’s just stupid that stupid male machismo bs. That may be true but you don’t have to live it. You don’t have to maintain your “man card” as men may say.

[Anonymous]

You don't. Leave him alone and let him deal with it his way. The only thing you're going to accomplish by pushing is pissing him off.

[jhanna]

Yeah, but do you think I should like tell I'm here for him or something or just ignore it cuz I. like actually kinda worried.

[jhanna]

I'm*

[Opinion Owner]

You can tell him you're there if he needs anything.

[strateguy632]

stop trying to control him or change him. don't expect him to do what you want.

[Anonymous]

You don't. All you can do is be a safe place for him. He'll talk if he's comfortable. If he's not you cannot make him. And you'll do the opposite of what you're trying to accomplish if you try to force him.

[NewgodOmega]

Forget about it men dont talk about their problem to anyone. You will never be able to know his side of the problems

[jhanna]

ftr he told me everything after I took some of this advice so thanks but no thanks

[NewgodOmega]

You sure it's everything? Its what he could share wit you,

[laly520]

u dont
it happens naturally

[Anonymous]

Talk nice to him

[boobliker]

beer and boobs