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The other day, I realized that I've never dated a woman who particularly wanted to be with me. Obviously they didn't dislike me, or they wouldn't have dated me, but I can also safely say that they didn't really prioritize me or much of anything about the relationship. They didn't particularly care about being in a relationship with me and their behavior pretty clearly showed it.
Even now that I'm single, it feels like all the women I speak to are just kind of doing their own thing and that any kind of romantic entanglements are super low priority for them. They're getting their own lives sorted out; I totally get it.
Then on the other hand, I've also seen and heard women just absolutely drooling over certain guys. Or they'll put in these Herculean efforts for guys and be super committed. They really, deeply value and prioritize their connection with the guy.
I'm 32 years old now and I know that I'm not asking for much to want to date someone who actually wants me around and makes their relationship with me a priority. I imagine that there's something I could do differently to inspire women to have a little more enthusiasm at the idea of being with and around me.
What is it about certain men that makes you prioritize your connection with them?
What Girls Said
I can't speak for you or other men, but for my boyfriend it was his personality (although I do also find him to be sexy, it was his personality that won me over first). He's funny, interesting, and kind. He's incredibly thoughtful which seems to be rare in guys in my experience.
Once I got to know those traits, I was all in on a relationship if he wanted one (which luckily for me, he did want one).
How long did it take for you to get to know those traits? How did you meet him?
Not too long at all. We met on a dating app and talked on text and phone calls for about 3 weeks before we finally went out on a date.
Hmm... that's kind of what I was expecting. I'm getting a little bit frustrated at this point because I'm not really sure what more I could be doing from a social standpoint.
It could be an appearance issue too... I'm presently trying to lose weight
Fun personality.
What would you consider a fun personality? Like, what does that actually look like?
Likes to go out, hang out in groups and not just alone all the time, wants to be active, funny, can joke around, etc.
Hmm... I guess there must be some other ingredient missing. I don't know man. Based on what that, I think I do have a pretty fun personality.
Welp, that is number one on my list.
Thank you for taking the time to respond! This is such an odd situation to be in. Of all the problems I expected to have as an adult, I never would have guessed this would be one of them.
Yeah, of course!
You may be onto something with the age group you are in and getting started or at the beginning of careers and stuff.
Age might have something to do with it. Everybody gets their emotional act together in their own time. People my age generally tend to have their career stuff a little more established, so there's less uncertainty about that kind of thing for people my age.
The surprising (and somewhat insulting) thing for me really is just the complete lack of any kind of effort, forward movement, enthusiasm, etc. from these women. It takes "could not care less" to a whole new level. At a certain point, I'd think they would want to keep me around, even if it was just to use me.