Men, what attracts you?

[Anonymous]

So I had a one night stand with this man a couple years ago and we now have a daughter together. At first we were flirty and we were going to spend holidays together. Well then I started pushing and pressuring him a lot to commit and to have family time. I pushed for a good 6 months. Well then an accident happened with our daughter and we spent 4 nights in the hospital together. I feel like we are at a better place right now and I really don’t want to mess it up. I’m leaving for a trip in couple days and he’s going to take me to the airport and then pick me up when I come back. He knows I do like him. He’s not really the commitment type, and he also has trouble opening up. What things can I do to show him I’m not going to push him anymore and that I just want to make him happy one day?

[Anonymous]

I don't think anything will happen, it sounds like he's afraid of commitment so he'd need a huge personality change and those are very rare, especially if he's been the way he is for awhile

I don't blame you for having kids with him, things happen, also it's normal to want kids with people we're attracted to and you might've thought he'd commit to you, either way it's all good in the end cause you have an awesome kid

I'd say you could do one of two things with him

1. Don't offer any intimacy if you want to form a strong relationship, you're basically going to train him to be the guy you want and his reward is intimacy

2. Be freely intimate with him but also accept nothing will happen beyond that and look for a better guy to raise your kid with and have more kids with

[Asker]

Yeah he definitely has been hurt and cheated on a lot so he’s scared to really commit until trust is formed and he’s not being pushed. I need to focus on being his friend before anything.

[Opinion Owner]

Are you just going to be friend with one another? Or will you be open to more than friendship?

[Asker]

I will be friends with him and hopefully one day more will happen naturally!

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah that's a good plan! But don't allow that to stop you from exploring other options, I wouldn't count on this guy, you deserve to find someone asap

[Unit1]

"He’s not really the commitment type, and he also has trouble opening up."

All said and done. And getting pregnant by this guy too. Classic and very popular among women! Me wants to understand how this keeps happening. What magic do these guys utilize to turn women into single mothers.

But to answer your question: Sex makes him happy.

But I'll say it again.

"He’s not really the commitment type"

All said and done.

[Asker]

Well he doesn’t want just sex right now.. lol he told me he would rather take it slow

[Sexiestjohnson]

Attracts? It is different for every man. Me? A kind soul, someone who knows where she wants to be in the next ten years and is already doing something about it. Then all the feminine things women are blessed with.


I think you should set him free. Focus on you and your daughter.

[OfMiceandMen]

I think the best thing to do is tell him what you told us. If you take some of the pressure off, he will start to open up and eventually want a commitment.

Some guys need to know you are there for them and live in the now... your not always moving forward for the specific purpose of a commitment.

[Asker]

Yeah I have a hard time living in the present and letting shit flow naturally. That’s where I’ve pushed him a lot.

[OfMiceandMen]

Not saying he shouldn't be more open and give you some feedback along the way. He can't be completely off the hook.

[Asker]

I’ve asked him if he’s open to more and he said possibly in the future, but he’s not there now. He says he wants to focus on our daughter and he wants me to focus on myself for now and get myself together with college. I’ve only ever focused on my feelings for him and wanting to have family time and he says it’s like I ram it down his throat too much and it pushes him away.

[OfMiceandMen]

Then I would refrain from bringing it up anymore. Let him come to you. He may just need to feel a little bit more in control of his choice in that matter... rather than feeling as though he's being bullied into it.

[Asker]

I agree! I just need to learn to be just his friend for a long time and build that up.

[OfMiceandMen]

Agreed, I think he will come along though.

[Asker]

Thank you! I hope!

[KrakenAttackin]

She tried to trap him by getting pregnant, this is a losing strategy with Chad Thundercock.

[Asker]

I didn’t try to trap him by being pregnant haha. We were both drinking and it happened.

[Staximus]

I think it's time you wake up and smell the fucking coffee. You have a kid together and he still doesn't want a relationship. It's time to move on. Does the guy even spend any time with the kid? Why the hell would you have a kid with a shit bag like that in the first place?

[Asker]

I think you are misunderstanding.. he’s a great dad. Helps me a lot with her. He just found out she was his daughter about 8 months ago.

[Staximus]

If he wanted a relationship with you and was a real man, he would be in a relationship with you already

[Asker]

I just think he has trouble really committing and I hope one day he changes.

[Staximus]

That means he doesn't really value you. Go find a man that does and move on with your life, instead of waiting around forever for a guy who is not there for you.

[Asker]

He is there for me a lot and does a lot when I ask him. He really is a good guy. I believe he will come around one day with me. I just need to stop pushing everything

[Staximus]

You already have a daughter with this guy. If he was such a good guy then he would have married you already.

[KrakenAttackin]

Like so many girls, you are addicted to chasing fuck boy Chad's. Deciding to get pregnant by a Chad will not make him commit to you, he has too many options. Yes, you captured his seed (which was your choice), but you will never hold on to him. Your next step will be to weaponise your child but that won't work either.

[Asker]

I don’t think this is true. I believe he cares about me. Just don’t think the man will respond to pushing.

[hbg84]

@KrakenAttackin is right. The guy clearly doesn't see you as a relationship partner otherwise he would've married you by now. You made a decision to have unprotected sex with the guy and now you have a toddler together.

He is only doing what is right for his child by being there for her mother. Sounds like too me you plan to try and trap him in a relationship.

When that doesn't work you'll most likely use his daighter against him. That would make you a horrible mother and human being.

At the end of the day all you can do is ask him if he wants to be in a relationship with you/ get married. Its only the best thing for the child. Statistically children from dual parent mother and father house holds grow up to be better off well rounded adults.

If he says no he doesn't want a relationship with you, you need to accept it and leave it be. Trying to pressure him into it is gonna drive him away. You should just be happy with him wanting to be in his daughters life. Cuz really this is more about him being a good father than anything

[KrakenAttackin]

@hbg84 Spot on correct. Why do so many women think they have "magical" pussy that will keep a Chad?

[hbg84]

I have no clue @krackenattackin

[Asker]

Well I don’t use our daughter against him. Haha you guys do not know me and shouldn’t assume to know what he does or doesn’t want. That’s not what my post was asking.

[KrakenAttackin]

You will.

[KrakenAttackin]

What attracts us is beauty, purity, kindness, faithfulness. You gave it up so fast and didn't use BCz so you are lacking at least two of these traits.

[Anonymous]

She knows. And if she doesn't, then she doesn't get me. Some other woman does.

[Asker]

I’m confused?

[Anonymous]

Intelligence, personality