Does being a virgin really matter to a guy? my ex told me I will never find a guy who will REALLY love me bcz my bc isn't 0 anymore and now im "used"?

[aceacid]

[Anonymous]

Here’s the thing. It depends on the man. A lot of men say yes it matters. But most men these days know that most women aren’t a virgin. What men look at is how many men has she slept w. The closer you are to zero, the better your chances are of meeting someone. Most men don’t want a girl who’s been around the block a few times, it’s an embarrassment. It’s a stain on his (their) last name if he marries her. If you were 21 w 15 bodies a lot of men would see that as a red flag. The only time a lot of men want a girl w experience is when it comes to a one night stand of an friends with benefits situation. I think you’ll be ok if you’ve only been w a few men at your age.

[aceacid]

I've only been with him. I'm just scared I won't meet someone when I'm young who will love me forever. And not be affected by the fact he's not the first one

[Opinion Owner]

Why the lack of confidence?
What type of woman would you say you are?

[aceacid]

Because I'm too affected by what he said.. and I'm the type to love with my whole heart and do everything for my man, I just hate when a man thinks he's better than me bc he is a man. My ex always wanted to set different rules for each other bc he's a man and I'm a woman, like he can go out and I can't, or always has a saying about my clothes, or saying that my existence is made to support him mostly. But I did do wrong after the relationship escalated too badly as he did and it just brought the worst out of us. So I'm scared it will never be okay again.

[Opinion Owner]

Well I don’t know much about you but I think you may need to get some therapy to help you w this. I wonder if this all stems from something. Was your dad like this to your mom? Are they still together?

[aceacid]

I am going to therapy but not for this problem and I don't know how they will help me. But my dad has always been too strict for me and never let me out of the house, I never had friends bc of it and he even hated the fact I have a boyfriend and wanted me to break and it gotten so bad he abused me for it and now it had gotten better, I just didn't tell him anything anymore. But my ex started to feel like my dad not wanting me to do normal stuff. and no my parents are not together and I don't remember how they were together

[Opinion Owner]

So your self worth of lack of it probably comes from your father. I think k therapy for it would be good because it would teach you how to heal from it. That a lot of what you think is not your fault. The thing about it is you will most likely continue to find men like this. I don’t mean you’re going to go out looking for men like this, but u til you recognize that pattern chances are you’ll end up in another relationship like this unless you’re able to clue in on it quick as to what this man is like. So therapy may be able to help you to see ahead of time these type of men.

[aceacid]

Thank you for the advice and letting me know what to do. I was scared I was never gonna find a man bc of 1 ex. I hope I will find a real man who will love me and respect me even though I have an ex.

[Opinion Owner]

You have a lot of time. But you need to get on it right away. These are just suggestions. A professional would know better than me. For instance it took me a long time to realize I was always going after women who had problems. Like trying to be her hero, to help her. Only to be used, cheated on after I helped them out. So I finally realized that. Met the girl I’m a now, we’ve been together for 17 years. No she doesn’t have problems like a lot of my previous relaid ships.

[hahahmm]

For the sake of argument let's say it doesn't matter at all (that's not true for some guys but let's go with this). The problem is who you are mentally. Your personality. Your baggage.

A lot of women ignore men's preferences and demand that men bow to every whim of a woman. A guy will never take a woman seriously if all she has to offer is physical/sex OR she doesn't seem capable of being loyal. If you get in and out of a huge number of relationships it's harder for you to be loyal or even want to. It's also harder for you to be optimistic about the guy you're with as the ghosts of all the other guys is in your head.

I won't say "NEVER" or it's impossible. Just that you are headed in the wrong direction if you keep on that path and you really value a traditional forever relationship. The deeper you go down that path the harder it will be to get off.

[aceacid]

i've had one partner and that's my ex. I kissed 4 including him in total but im just not like that, I dont want to be hopping off guys and relationships. I just want someone who will love me, accept me and I just want him to be honest and make me his priority. I want a forever relationship and I want to have that as young as possible and I thought I could have that with my ex, but for some reason we can't align to each other and it went so far till the point I hated him. and now I already feel late, im 21 one, out of a relationship of 2 years. I want young love. and I'm afraid im never gonna have that

[hahahmm]

The mistake lots of people make is wasting time/energy/emotions on people who aren't a good match. Both people have to be on the same page. If you know you want 'forever' do not waste time on people who aren't sure about that. I mean in general. If he is in the mode to just have fun you are likely wasting time. If he knows he's looking for more he's more on the right path. Better not to tell people you just met everything in your mind/heart. Best to listen to what they say. If they have nothing to say.. pass. If they say what is on the same page as you: good. Don't listen to the people with dozens of broken relationships claiming you can get what you want by acting like THEM. Lots of people will want to see you fail. Especially those who are currently failures in what you want to achieve. Check out my mytakes if you're interested in more traditional ideas/guys.

[hahahmm]

Also... if you fall for a guy easily.. it's even more important not to get involved with a guy just because he makes you tingle/turns you on. Have to think about your long term goals & skip what doesn't fit into that.

[aceacid]

The thing is he is a very traditional guy to the point he was disappointed my biggest dream wasn’t having kids. And no I have different dream I also find important that I want to accomplish. It’s just he is too traditional wanting me to have different rules than he has, he wants to be able totally go out till 6 am if I can’t come along but he wanted me to never ever go out without him, only to girly cocktail bars till 1/2 am and he must be somewhere around or in the same city and I can’t never go to a club alone. He also wants to always have a saying about my clothes, he doesn’t want me to be able to show my beauty to the world bc it’s HIS. So yea I was done with it. Before we broke up he said U should change otherwise you’re a bad woman

[hahahmm]

"he is a very traditional guy" -- well he wanted to pick and choose when to be traditional and when not to. That is the problem with a lot of people today.

Yeah. it's a red flag that he wanted to be out partying without you. Some small percentage of guys may be like that and into you BUT they are playing a dangerous game and making it easier/more likely they get into trouble. When you find the right guy you yourself will decide not to dress too revealing because you know it gives him an excuse to flirt with other women and it encourages guys to flirt with you. Of course "too revealing" is relative/and a personal choice too.. but if you see women dressing like street walkers 90% of the time they aren't really into the guy they're with.

[natured]

Your ex is an idiot, why would you even listen to that worm?
You are not USED, you don't owe anyone an explanation.
it happened, you're good, move on don't even bother about that caveman mentality.
Be happy with your choices but also don't go out there wilding lol

[bunny234]

@natured no offence, but as woman it doesn't matter what WE think. it matters what a man thinks, unless you're lesbian.

[natured]

@bunny234 No honey, it matters what YOU THINK of yourself first before even considering anyone else's opinion.
If you love the idea of living according to other's Ideas and mindsets and "what OTHERS SAY AND THINK" will define you than you must have a very sad life.. fix that

[bunny234]

No, if you're objective is to find a man, it does matter what they think. Thinking the way you do is not mature, it's not realistic, it's exactly the mind set to stay single. Are you in a relationship? If a man wants to get a woman, he's going to care what she thinks, and try to impress her, and visa versa. we are not all just islands that can say and do whatever we want to do without any precautions. other people have standards, and that's just reality, we have to live in reality, not a make up fairy land where everyone can just do as they please. it does not work that way. so, if a man cares if you're a virgin or not, then he cares. Not all men care.

[natured]

@bunny234 Well you took this whole topic to a different level my dear, yes I am in a relationship, and very happy and yes his standards are as high as the Everest, and I happen to meet them. BUT HEAR ME OUT, I will not rely ON OPINIONS that DO NOT MATTER, as in : Virginity, having children or not having children and so on.. I do not owe anyone an explanation of my Personal and intimate choices... < this is my point

[Nikki1989]

He sounds like a real asshole, but some men are immature jerks like that.

[aceacid]

he was kind of an asshole lol

[ohsheeT]

Ok a couple things here if the guy likes you he's going to respect you. Your ex is going to say anything good bad or indifferent . to mess with your head .. you can get 20 times that night. And your not going to be though of as being used.
Just remember this no matter what happen you the boss. It's your choice if it's a yes make sure he wears a condom if he says no or toys to talk you out of it.. it means he not the guy for you.. because he's not trying to protect you.

[Lliam]

Be glad that immature, manipulative, moronic douche bag is your ex.

I never placed ANY value on virginity. There is nothing impure about a woman who has had sex.
I don't look down on virgins because everybody was a virgin at one time. But having sex is part of growing up, just like puberty.

I had girlfriends all my life from the time I was 16. None of them were virgins but they were good girls with high self-respect, self-esteem, healthy values, and normal hopes and dreams.

Any guy who thinks you lose value if you have had previous boyfriends is a low value guy even though he will try to convince you otherwise.

[Stevepro68]

Ha I say
Listen it might matter when you are young. But even then it didn't matter to me. I was divorced with kids and my girlfriend is a retired sex worker with kids. It doesn't affect my complete and absolute listing after her. Even after now 5 years together. I just thank the gods that for some reason she wants me as well.

[aceacid]

im happy u feel that way and I wish u the best

[Zack-Bann]

Emotional manipulation from an immature loser


Make sure he stays “ex”


Any guy worth a damn won’t be stuck on the whole virginity thing


Now it’s best not to be ran through as well


If your bc is in the 20s or 30s or 100s then yes it will impact your prospects


But a girl who’s been with 3 or 4 guys in her whole life is practically the same as a virgin

[slatyb]

Forget him. He only said that to try to control you, or make you feel badly about yourself. Almost no men care about this. You don't want the men that do.

[Abbycado]

To some it might. No, not all guys are going to think that way.

[Anonymous]

It's a factor. But not for the reason you think.

[aceacid]

Oh for what reason then?

[Opinion Owner]

It's because a good woman does not sleep with a man she doesn't love. So the more men a woman sleeps with, either the less chance her word is good when she tells him she loves him (and why would a guy want a relationship with a woman who does not love him). Or the less likelihood she's a good woman.
So yes, the amount of guys a woman sleeps with makes a difference. Most guys prefer a virgin if at all possible. Because a woman that values herself does not surrender that lightly.

[aceacid]

I agree with u. And what if she never sleeps around? Only when she's in an actual relationship? I've only been with my ex, so my bodycount is one. And I'm not planning on sleeping around bc I know that's wrong. Im just scared no man will ever love me and stay with me forever and actually treat me with respect

[Opinion Owner]

Because of that one time? If a guy passes on you because of one time his probably not mature enough for a relationship yet anyhow. I might have taken this attitude when i was your age so I'm not going to tell you that it WON'T happen at all with some guys. But I'm mature enough now to say I was too young to realize how foolish that is.
So yes, some guys may be turned off by it. But your ex is wrong. That number is probably small.
Yes everyone SHOULD wait for love. But not everyone is going to. And people are going to make mistakes along the way. And that number of guys that would reject you for this will get smaller anyways.

[RavVid]

Virginity does matter to some and virgin brides are happier with their husbands.

Having a BC > 0 doesn't preclude you but BC --> infinity is a problem.

[Berethor]

Used girls are leftovers, virgins are best, you should had waited until marriage, too late now.

[Anonymous]

that guy was just an asshole, most men don’t care unless you have an extremely high body count.

[seeyounexttuesday]

Depends on how far from 0 you are.

[aceacid]

one lol

[seeyounexttuesday]

You’ll be fine.

[zagor]

Not to most guys. Unless you live in Iran.

[wkhan_87]

This is most asked question here

[aceacid]

I didn't know

[Anonymous]

Not to me, and I'm a virgin.