Dating

How does one just let things happen naturally?

Lately, I’ve been feeling this kind of… quiet desperation. 32 years old and alone. Like I go through life doing what I’m supposed to, minding my own business, nonchalantly, but deep down I feel stuck — like I’m waiting for something random to happen. Especially around connection or dating. And I’m tired of pretending I’m fine. And when I try not to focus on dating or connection, it still feels like I’m just supposed to be okay waiting around for serendipity, even if in 5 years from now things have still remained the same, stuck in limbo like a Radiohead song that repeats over and over. Like, I’m not allowed to care too much, but I’m also not allowed to try. It’s a never-ending loop. This leads to restless nights and I feel like im just suppressing things because they say things happen when we least expect them or stop looking. "I wasn't looking when I met my partner. I gave up and there he was" like its a stupid rom com and seren-fucking-dipity intervenes. I mean I get that stop looking is supposed to make you feel relaxed and focus on other things so you're not needy, but to me it feels like trying to push romance out of your mind, leave it behind and eliminate your desires and continue carrying on business with whatever, as if nothing really matters. And then i resort to hearing "oh just be yourself and things will work out" yeah sure they will. Your mother's cunt, how about that? And if God does have a plan for me, his plan is to say "you get nothing! You lose! Good day sir!" Gee, I wonder what 2026 has to offer? Oh boy can I hardly wait. And if I have to say "random" one more time I will plunge into insanity. So what else is new?

Maybe some people aren't just meant to meet anybody and that's ok. It's hard to live life without thinking about romance or dating, pretending it's not there. I guess ill just walk away now

How does one just let things happen naturally?
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