Why do I feel like I need a man on the "rebound"?

[Anonymous]

It seems like every time that I break up, I have the longing to jump right back into a relationship ship with a guy. The best relationships begin after I have taken some time off. I know that would be the sane thing to do, but every time a guy shows me any attention at all, it is just like I am full speed ahead. How do I overcome this? I assume a lot of self discipline will be involved, but I don't really know if I have it. Does anybody else ever struggle with this?

[BCRanger10]

My guess is that you simply feel a void that you feel like you need to fill, that you need to feel like you have a connection of some sort with a man to compare him with the relationship that just ended in order to, if you will, ease yourself out of it. It's probably so that you can remind yourself that you had been loved a certain way by a man, but it is no longer your reality, so that you can realize "wait... he really is gone" and the detach yourself.

That's at least my take on it.

As for what to do? If you ask me, the first step is to acknowledge that to do so is not fair either to yourself or to this new man. This is especially true if sex is involved. And for the record, I am a firm and unwavering advocate of waiting until marriage for sex. Some men are perfectly okay being that temporary fulfillment, but it is still wrong.

I've often heard it recommended that people fighting an addiction of some sort put a rubber band on their wrist so that when they feel that urge or desire to indulge, they pull it and snap it. I don't know if would work the same here, but I think it would be at least a concrete reminder that "he just smiled at me, he told me I look pretty, he only offered to buy me a drink or to dance, it doesn't necessarily mean anything." It would at least be a stop-gap for you. And you could even do it by yourself at home if you're thinking about going out somewhere. And this is just a thought, but without knowing how you dress, maybe consider covering up more skin; wear a light sweater or a longer dress but something still colorful and feminine, basically something that still makes you look attractive but also isn't as enticing.

Ultimately though, you've got to evaluate what's in your heart and your mind. You've got to carefully consider what it is that you actually want and are looking for. And yes, that will take discipline, but you can do it. And for that, you'll need accountability. You'll need someone you can talk to and share these things with. You might consider prayer and meditation. I also read a book a number of years ago called "Dating Detox", written by a married couple, Kevin and Lisa Cotter. I think it's more geared towards college-aged women, but there are still some good bits of wisdom and insight there for what you're dealing with.

At any rate, I hope this helped. And again, without knowing you or your beliefs, be assured of my prayers for you this evening 🙏

[dwreborn]

Iam a man and iam going threw a separation I don't want. I want to fix my marriage we don't fight get along great I wonder if it's midlife crisis or menopause but I want to fix it but if we don't I know the best thing to do is take time but I need to feel loved I need companionship I want someone beside me every night she hasn't been here and it hurts so bad so I understand the urge to fill that void but I have been reading a lot on this and it seems like when you rush into an relationship before your healed from ur previous one you just end up going through 2 break ups instead of 1 hope that helps from a man's point of view this is after we met at 19 and it's been 25 years and it kills me

[ohsheeT]

Why don't you take a month off with dating and have an on line relation ship. You might learn something about yourself

[teamvic]

Must likely you either want revenge for getting broken up with or your feelings are at the highest peak, "sensitivity" wise so you want to feel loved still

A far as how do you fix it

Hmmm i guess realistically the only way would to be whenever you get approached and get asked out or something. Think about this scenario you mentioned about how it never works and how you know it's best if you said no. I mean if sex is what you want then fine. But I dont recommend dating them right away. Because you know there's a good chance it won't work out

The rest is up to you

[MasterKS]

Need of a man! may be a need of sex.