Feeling like I’m lacking confidence with dating because of my disability?

Question

Hi everyone! ☺️ My name’s Daisy and this is my first question/post here. I’m a senior in high school and things are going mostly fine, I’m thinking about going to community college for a degree in medical coding or at least something related to that.

I have good grades, a lot of amazing friends and a lot of amazing people in my family, but I feel like I’m missing the boat a bit on dating 😅 I was born with cerebral palsy, and I’ve always been kind of shy/reluctant in terms of trying to date because of it and just focusing on school and my grades.

I use canes to walk and I can do most things independently but it just takes a lot of time usually to do things that others can do faster and sometimes there’s times where I just need help, like with carrying things.

I’m just not really sure what to do or to just keep waiting until the right guy comes along 😅 I guess I just feel pressure because I’ve never been in a relationship or anything before and feeling a bit lost. I don’t really know if maybe I should try online dating or something like that.

Sorry for the long post and thanks everyone for reading too ☺️ it’s just something that’s been on my mind a lot lately and any advice would be great too.

Apulu_backagain · Accepted Answer

You sound exactly like me but with lots of amazing friends which is great!

I used to feel that pressure when I was 16 because, you know, sweet 16 time and it's said that a female is the prettiest ever in her teen phase at this age and it's basically a romantic age and all. They say that at this age a girl becomes a lady and starts thinking about getting a handsome guy and starts dreaming about her marriage and how she'll look in that white dress and stuff.

Now I didn't get much pressure from my friend circle because only one of my friends was dating at the time and basically everyone else was single. But at that age, I got interested into this romantic aspect of life, started looking at myself actually like a lady and my tomboy habits started fading away.

All these John Keats poetries would beat me up and Ed Sheeran's song 'Perfect' would make me cry because I longed for that dreamy love. Especially that line in his song

'We were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was'

I really wanted that innocent happy relationship. I had few situationships before but they were really toxic and nothing like what I wanted.

When I cut the cake of my 17th Birthday, I realised that this is not the right time. I just want something dreamy but I personally am not emotionally mature enough to handle that.

So I kind of get where you're coming from, it's exciting to be in love but love comes unannounced. It's one mischievous fellow, cupid doesn't shoot his arrow when you're searching for it.

Do what you're passionate about, and when the right time comes, cupid will send you the right guy.

I suggest don't try online dating, at least not before 20 because you just can't trust the internet that much nowadays. I've tried online sites before but it's just not worth it. The right kind of guys are not searching for love online at this age.

But it's your choice in the end, if you want to try it then you should!

Best of luck cheesefry! Must say, creative choice for username 😂

Genie23 · Accepted Answer

You really sound like such an amazing girl (like pure sunshine, if you ask me), I get that you might feel a bit of pressure seeing others date, but honestly, it’s way better to just focus on your studies and hang out with your friends than try to date just because it feels expected.

I didn’t start dating until I was in my early 20s because I wasn't ready, and I don’t regret it at all. I got to focus on my future, make so many fun memories with my family and friends, and figure out what I really want. By the time I was ready, it was way easier to tell who genuinely liked me and who didn’t.

So just keep doing your thing! When the right guy comes along and you feel ready, it’ll feel natural, and you won’t even have to think twice about it.

BarryLiverstone · Accepted Answer

Hi Daisy. I’m inspired reading your question because everyone on earth has felt exactly how you feel. But you are brave and trying to put yourself out there whereas when I felt like that I was scared and shy. Just knowing you are like everyone else should help you know life isn’t a race and you are exactly who you should be today.

Is have lots of advice but as you asked about confidence and dating I’ll say that confidence comes with experience. Everyone had to start somewhere and everyone lacked confidence. Only by trying , (honestly mostly failing), and then trying again and learning does the confidence grow. This is one reason people tend to be drawn and attracted to others who seek confident.. it’s because we sense they know what they are doing :)

Also some good news to share. Have you made a new friend , gotten to know more about them and formed a friendship over time. Trusting them more and sharing about who you are as a person? I’m guessing yes and if so you actually will find dating mirrors that and the skills you are learning by maintaining friendships are used in romantic relationships. So guess what? You actually do have some experience and some confidence. Congrats!

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

Firstly, you're 17. You're young and there's no rush to date at your age.

Secondly, you don't have to worry. A lot of guys don't care about that kinda thing. If anything, a lot of us have a desire to feel needed. We WANT to help. It makes us feel useful and that is fulfilling and satisfying.

For you specific scenario, I highly recommend online dating and being completely transparent about your disability. There will definitely be guys that are interested, but just be wary as some of them may just want to fuck you and leave right after.

You seem like a sweet girl and that's all most guys want. Just a sweet and feminine girl that relies on them and doesn't try to compete with them in every aspect.

If you watch anime at all, I recommend watching Josee, The Tiger and the Fish. It's not your exact circumstances, but I think you'd be able to relate.

Wishing you positive energy in your life ☀️

ohsheeT · Answer

Hello daisy welcome to gag i'm steve.

Well this is the way I see it and feel about it.

If you read back your question you say what you want in life

And then you say but these are the things I must really work on

Because I'm a little shy and I believe in myself but I'm just not sure yet how much.. so I really need to work on that

But to be honest what I read was hi this is who I am and these are the things I want in life
I'm being challenged in a way but once I find who I truly am and build my confidence. There's nothing that can stop me except me.

So your first question made my day
because your words taught me that strength comes in many ways in many forms I think your confidence is great I think your just lacking experience and that comes in time

Nikki1989 · Answer

You have a lot going for you—great grades, a clear career path in mind, and a strong support system. The feeling that you're “missing the boat” is a common anxiety, but it's important to remember there is no schedule for life or for love.

The key to overcoming the “reluctance” isn't finding the right guy; it's getting comfortable with the idea of dating as yourself.

RandomGirl42 · Answer

Hi! You sound so awesome and I just wanted to say welcome! I'm quite new here myself. I had to deal with a couple "unseen" disabilities when I first started dating which made things a little extra awkward and not to sound cliche' but it's just been time that has helped build my confidence. (Omg, I hope I'm not sounding like my parents. 🤣) However you already sound much more confident and secure then I ever did at that age so I will say just keep being your awesome self and time will take care of the rest. 💖

Zack-Bann · Answer

I’m glad people here are being supportive because you truly sound like a lovely soul Daisy.

I’m sure you know this but it’s worth saying:
Everyone you will ever meet has some kind of defect or disability. Yours just happens to be a bit more visual. That doesn’t mean your any less of an awesome person when you chose to be.

Confidence is never easy especially early on but you shouldn’t let anything stop you.
If you like someone you make it known to them and if they’re worth Your time they’ll act on it and try getting to know you.

Kelley1 · Answer

Your condition prevents you from being as desirable as a teenage movie star who can have almost anyone she chooses. For her, the supply of available men, appears to be unlimited. For you the supply is limited. There a thousands of young men you can date but they may not meet your standards. If you are looking for magic, there is no magic that will change that fact.

Use your youth and beauty to your advantage. I am certain they are many young men attracted to your young and beauty until they discover your condition. I cannot even imagine how disappointing that must be. Online dating may be a good option. By stating your condition, you can avoid that disappointment and choose from thousands of available young men who will value your age, looks, and intelligence, and place less value in your condition.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Your young you've got plenty of time to date so don't feel the need to rush into things or feel pressured about it go at your pace. I didn't even get into my first relationship until I was about 16-17 so it's not uncommon I was also a chronically shy kid when I was real young complete opposite of what I am now.

As for the disability I personally don't see it as a big deal what I mean is if I was interested in a woman and she had what you have I don't think it would really dissuade me in pursing her.

You honestly seem like a real sweet and standup kid and I'm sure you'll have no issues finding a guy who will accept you and be with you.

And from my experience no one knows what they are doing when it comes to dating and it's their first time. It's a learning experience your gonna by shy, maybe a bit awkward it's just one of those things you learn by doing.

Guanfei · Answer

Well, you're super cute, so you have that going for you.
Some years ago, I followed a girl on YouTube, who had the same disability as you. She was just talking about her everyday life, nothing big.
And one day she announced that she had a boyfriend. People were scared because we thought it would end badly.
Well she actually married him and as far as I know, it's still going. They even have a kid I think.
What I mean is that your disability will be an obstacle for dating, of course. But you can overcome it and have what you want.

Stevepro68 · Answer

My experience in medicine and permanent disabilities for both sexes does not change the likelihood that you can find a long term partner. It is however a barrier particularly when you are young. Youth often supports superficial judgements and selfish narratives. Stay open and be positive long term you will find someone who loves you for you and everything about you.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m in my 40’s and have been in some great relationships however, I’m definitely lacking in the desirable traits category for a male. This made dating extremely difficult in my early years.
I’ve improved my appearance as ‘best I can, how I present myself and my career is in good standing. I have become more desirable as I’ve aged but it’s taken a lot of work. It’s not right but it’s the way of the world and you really want think to much about it once you find someone to share yourself with. Just don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.

Berethor · Answer

Don't worry you are still young, yea trying an online dating seems like a good idea. :)

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Your 17. Don't rush yourself. In time you'll find someone. Just make yourself the best version of youyou can be. Explore new interests, travel, gain life experience, don't obsess over it.
I lacked confidence, took me many years to confront it. You're at least aware of it. You may need to be brave and let yourself be vulnerable at the right time.

glennos89 · Answer

You can always try online dating of you want. Just dont feel pressured to get in a relationship because you'll risk choosing the wrong person who has bad intentions.

I got my first relationship when I was 21 so dont feel pressured to get info a rela because others around you are faster with dating.

Perhaps you can try to find someone who can relate to your disability or has a different disability themselves.

exitseven · Answer

okay- You seem pretty awesome, You have an impressive list of accomplishments and you really do not have a disability for all the things that matter.

There may be some guys that would not be interested but I think that guys who really got to know you would be interested.

art84 · Answer

I have mild cerbal palsey and never dated cause of my shyness and just focused on high school in my teens and college in my 20's. You are young so no rush in dating, especially in college. I never dated in college as well. Good luck on dating.

DavyJ · Answer

I used to manage someone with Cerebral Palsy, who were in a similar position to yourself. They’re now engaged. From your bio you’re clearly not a quitter. Putting the Cerebral Palsy to one side; if it’s meant to be then it will happen. But don’t see yourself as any kind of failure-you’re not. I wish you all the very best-but ALWAYS remain true to YOURSELF.

MJVillarama · Answer

Hey Daisy! You’re definitely not alone. a lot of people feel that way, with or without a disability. You’re not behind at all. The right person will like you for you, canes and all 💛 No pressure to rush into dating. go at your own pace!

Twalli · Answer

You can get certified and help with keeping your certification if you become part of AAPC or AHIMA. They also allow you to take the class online and sign up for the certification test.  I am a CPC-A.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Just be patient and don’t rush into anything. You’ll meet the right guy.

Anonymous · Answer

your disability and confidence (or lack thereof) won't make a huge difference in your dating especially when it comes to guys

Anonymous · Answer

I know how you feel, I also lack confidence, and I never had a date... and I'm much older than, you, so you can realize that lack of confidence won't just disappear with age.

seeyounexttuesday · Answer

You don't need a relationship. You need to do good in school, continue your education and start a career.

Anonymous · Answer

Yet another account from this person and already inactive.

jahaims · Answer

You're still a child in school. Dw about dating yet.

wkhan_87 · Answer

You shouldn't be worried

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

*Hugs*

Feeling like I’m lacking confidence with dating because of my disability?

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