Is it a red flag if the person you are dating shares a dog with their ex?

[coachTanthony]

Yes

No

[abbyjgriffin98]

Speaking as someone who's ex-boyfriend shared a dog with his ex-girlfriend, it is a major red flag. If your boyfriend shares anything with his ex-girlfriend, it is a major red flag. For instance, I found out my ex-boyfriend shared a dog, shared car insurance and even used to live with his ex-girlfriend at her parent's house. Turns out, he was cheating on me with her throughout our relationship. The only way I found out about his infidelity was because I did his laundry when he was sick and his ex-girlfriend's credit card showed up in my dryer. Lesson learned, when your boyfriend has anything to do with his ex-girlfriend, it's usually because there's unresolved feelings. I would either dump him or proceed with caution.

[DreamCrescent]

wasn’t he cheating on her? with you?

is a frame of reference

[abbyjgriffin98]

@DreamCrescent This is going to be long, so bare with me. I thought of this possibility a lot, but I came to the conclusion he was most likely cheating on me. To put this into perspective, all of my belongings were at his place, he gave me a spare key to his apartment and to his vehicle. I was practically moved in with him and, at one point, we had talked about me moving in and paying rent once he renewed his lease. He even gave me a promise ring.

[abbyjgriffin98]

But eventually, I started to see him pull back. He took his apartment key and his car key back. He gave me a reason, but it didn't make a lot of sense. Major red flag. He stopped seeing me a lot and we stopped going on dates. Our "dates" were I would pick up fast food and take it to his place.

[abbyjgriffin98]

He also claimed his landlord did not want me at his apartment when he was not there so he would only see me at 3am when he got off work, we would sleep (next to each other) and at 1pm, he would leave for work and I would leave his apartment. He also "worked" everyday of the week and the day or two per month he was off, he allegedly spent with his "family." He also accused me of cheating on him several times and even searched through my phone. Which is usually an indicator of a cheater.

[abbyjgriffin98]

But at one point, he told me he got a job in Seattle and he asked me to move with him. No warning, just either move with me or we'll have to break up. Now, there have already been several red flags I ignored, but I decided to go with him. I was literally going to drop my job, my family and my friends to move to Seattle with a man who obviously was not committed to me at all. Very bad idea.

[abbyjgriffin98]

But one week, he got sick. I wanted to take him Starbucks and some cold medicine. He declined and said his parents were taking pho to his house. I still insisted and he said his parents would leave at 6pm. He also asked me to do his laundry because he didn't want to do it at his parent's house because he did not want to get them sick. So I agreed.

[abbyjgriffin98]

Before my 10 hour grave shift, I went to his place at 7pm, took him Starbucks, cold medicine and picked up his laundry, went to work at 10pm, left work at 8am, went home, did his laundry and at about 11am, my sister found his ex-girlfriend's credit card in the dryer right when I laid down to sleep for another 10 hour grave shift.

[abbyjgriffin98]

Initially, I was kind of in denial. I posponed moving to Seattle with him but we were still seeing each other. Two days after I asked him about the credit card and put it on the back burner, a fake Facebook profile was made of me. The username was AbbyJeeGriffin. loi and the profile kept attempting to add my friends and followed one of them. In fact, the only reason I found out about this is because one of my Facebook friends told me about it.

[abbyjgriffin98]

My theory is, they were casually sleeping with each other before we met. When we became official, he stopped seeing her. Then when he pulled back, he probably started cheating on me with her. I also believe that she was the person who took him pho, not his parents and she was probably there during our conversation over the phone. She probably overheard our conversation where he asked me to do his laundry and placed her credit card in his laundry for me to find to break us up (which I should be thanking her for).

[abbyjgriffin98]

Possibly, because that initially did not work, I genuinely believe she is the person who made that fake account of me. I could be wrong, but it was quite a coincidence. Another thing is, when I officially broke up with him, I went to pick up my belongings from his apartment. He claimed his sister saw my clothes on the floor and packed them for me. But when I took them home, I found a random woman's underwear in my bags.

[abbyjgriffin98]

He does his laundry at his parent's house, but if they were his sister's, she would not have placed her underwear with my clothes. Because of this, I also believe his ex-girlfriend packed my belongings and purposely placed her underwear in my clothes, just to be vindictive. Like a, "He's with me, B..." kind of move. There is still a possibility that I am reaching and she's innocent. Maybe she was his girlfriend and I was the other woman. And I would feel horrible if I was. But I don't think I was.

[abbyjgriffin98]

Normally, when you are cheating with someone, it's pretty much just sex. We were rarely intimate and what I did for him was cook for him, clean for him, I took him lunch when he was working, I picked up groceries for him, I pretty much acted like a doormat. I'm not proud of it.

[abbyjgriffin98]

But I was good at playing the wife role. The one thing relationship wise I was not good at was being intimate. It kind of reminds me of the 80/20 rule in dating. He was my first and currently last relationship. And I don't know much about his ex-girlfriend. Ironically, I looked her name up on Facebook when I found her credit card and we actually went to high school together.

[abbyjgriffin98]

I was trying to find photos of her with him or any evidence they were cheating or they were at least together. She posted a few things about him before we started dating but she had no photos with him and her status said she was single. I did, however, find posts which were not kid friendly and were pretty sexual. And by sexual, I mean OBGYN type posts. So the only thing I really know about her is she's probably experienced. And I was not. But at the end of the day, regardless who he really cheated on, he played us both.

[Bolt1104]

I’d say it’s a red flag too, mainly because pets naturally keep people connected. When you’re sharing a dog, you’re still scheduling meetups, texting, and having ongoing involvement in each other’s lives. That can make it really hard for either person to fully move on or create healthy boundaries in a new relationship.

If someone is truly done with their ex, they usually separate their lives completely. Continuing to co-parent a pet often means there’s still emotional attachment or unfinished business, and that can easily lead to drama or confusion down the road.

So while it can be mature in theory, in reality it often keeps the door open to the past, which can create issues for a new relationship.

[ArrowheadSW]

I split up with a long term girlfriend when I was 33 and for the next 5 years or so I helped her take care of the dog that we got about a year before we split up. The dog was a significant part of my life and there was no reason to stop visiting after she and I split up. It wasn't like we actually "shared" the dog though. She was a great dog and I still have the best memories.

[OlderAndWiser]

There are some people who think that pets are equal to children and they can't think of giving up a pet when a relationship ends. These people should be avoided like the bubonic plague!

[HawkPerception]

Couldn't have said it better myself

[Iquestioneverything]

I disagree, I’d avoid you

[RingOfFire]

@iquestioneverything

I question that. 🤔

[HawkPerception]

@Iquestioneverything Pretty sure most sane people would avoid you

[OlderAndWiser]

@Iquestioneverything You don't need to worry about avoiding me; you would never get close enough for avoidance to become necessary.

[TrueConfection]

Aside from their mental illness in sharing “custody” of a pet, they still have a relationship of some sort with their ex and the pet comes way ahead of you.

[AviatorTom]

That poor dog, should never be shared. There is only one Alpha and that's who should have the dog.

[DishLady]

UUUUGH. Yes. Can you say DRAMA? DRA-MA.

[RingOfFire]

"DRA-MA." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Bitter_Sweet94]

Not automatically.

Sharing a dog with an ex can mean two things, maturity or unresolved attachment.

The real red flag isn’t the dog,
it’s how they handle the relationship around it.

If they communicate clearly, set boundaries, and you never feel like you’re competing with the past,
then it’s just co-parenting a pet.

But if there’s secrecy, mixed signals,
or they use the dog as an excuse to stay emotionally tied, that’s when it becomes a problem.

Pay attention to the behavior, not the situation.

[bubbles328]

My partner and I have a dog. If we break up whoever is at fault loses the dog though I have a home set up already as it’s all in my name so would make sense for me to keep her. I have 2 older kids. I got really sick like being in a vegetable state kinda sick. When I came round 6 months later my 2 teens had grown up and were independent. No running about or making sure they’d eaten they’d learned to do it themselves as I wasn’t there. Anyway losing them like that broke me. I don’t want to start again and have more so I got my dog. She is legit like a child to me and I adore her

[Iquestioneverything]

I’m shocked by the results!

If you adopted a pet and break up, you should not abandon the pet regardless who it’s from! The pet did nothing wrong and euthanasia at shelters is so high I could never do that! I kept a pet from my ex and if anyone had a problem with that I wouldn’t date them!

[bubbles328]

I think OP means having shared custody not getting rid of the pet all together

[PeachyPie93]

It's weird asf.. like one of you decides to take it and you move on and get your own pet. Who the fuck shares custody of an animal? lol

[Zack-Bann]

It’s a red flag if they shared a meal


You think sharing a dog is any better


I’m not controlling.
But I do value loyalty


If she wants a healthy relationship with me, the ex gots to go.
Permanent

[YasinTR]

Yeah, it’s really strange. But I wouldn’t care.

[whiskeyontherocks]

I’m on the fence on this one but leaning towards not a red flag if there’s some boundary issues because of the pet then run

[EzraIsShy76028]

I personally put "no." Low-key somewhat surprised by the poll results.

To me it's literally just a dog... how much trouble can a dog be?

[jshm2]

No. Means they give a shit about animals.

But you would still be keeping an eye on both for at least a month.

[OneViewpoint]

Depends what they're doing to that poor dog when they're "sharing".

[molonski2]

Massive red flag in my view , they are sharing a pet.. Why? Just one of them should take the pet.

[katiesmuff]

A bit odd to say the least!

[MrChinaski]

No. A red flag is if the person you are dating is boiling their ex's bunny.

[queenofcardio]

Yah it is to me

[FenixG45]

Sharing a dog is like Sharing a child. Your partner will be constantly seeing their Ex. Not a good look!

[beefcakebradybatson]

No, especially that cute little lassie.(Or laddie;I don't know the pooch's sex.)

[Anonymous]

Meh, I'm single, so I dont have to worry about that.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

A giant, big, massive red flag. 😱

[Anonymous]

That is a bit weird.

[exitseven]

yes, it means she is a dog person.

[Anonymous]

Thats so white. White people do that.