How Would You Respond If You Dated Someone Who Didn't Tell You They Were Trans Until A Couple Dates Later?

[Physics-Man]

Positively

Negatively

Neutrally

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6 mo

Respond*

Updates

6 mo

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1dbBFxWy9g

[Hardon-Collider]

I watched the video you linked. Will never happen. FAFO nigg, grow up and quit being such a gullible simp. It's never indistinguishable. What does a dude in make up look like? Right, exactly like the picture.

Plus it's not a date, but a hookup. Wouldn't happen if he didn't fuck strangers. ㅤ

[Purpleronnie]

I’m 99.9% sure that would never happen to me for a variety of reasons. Mostly because I’ve never “seen” a transgender person that I couldn’t immediately tell the biological gender of ( voice , notability of larynx etc ) and I wouldn’t go on a date with someone blind without meeting them first in person but in the massively unlikely event that I unknowingly agreed to the date and then later found out by their admission Id want to understand how they felt it justified not to reveal their biological gender beforehand as it’s deceptive. Based on their reaction I would then decide how they should be treated them but either way the date would end immediately with no further dates possible

[abbyjgriffin98]

I would dump them. I'm as straight as they get. I could only be with a biological man. And a relativley masculine man, at that. I don't want to be the one with the pants. Also, I feel like not disclosing you are a transgender to your partner and proceeding to either sleep with them (assuming they had the surgery) or doing other sexual acts to them, for the lack of a better term, should qualify as rape by deception.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

I’d appreciate the honesty, but I’d also feel it’s something that should be shared early on.

Not because there’s anything wrong with being trans, but because trust and transparency matter to me in dating.

I’d stay respectful, have an open conversation, and see how I feel after that.

The way they handle the situation would probably tell me more than the fact itself.

[HawkPerception]

Luckily, that scenario would never happen to me, because I don't date women with excessive makeup or dress provocatively (which majority of trans do because they know what looks sexually attractive being a guy themselves).

However if in the hypothetical scenario it did happen, they're getting knocked out like a man. It's dishonest and disgusting.

[msc545]

@HawkPerception So you would assault and beat somebody for this? Did I read your comment correctly?

[HawkPerception]

@msc545 You did. I'd argue what they did was equivalent to assault.

[msc545]

Well, the thing about this is that if you assaulted them and beat them, you would physically injure them and you would have committed a felony.

If they deceived you by pretending to be female when they really weren't, that would be extremely unpleasant, but it would not be an assault. At least legally it would not be. You may argue that, but I don't think it's persuasive. Can you come up with anything else that would make this seem a little bit better?

[msc545]

Also, before you respond, please explain to me how assaulting and beating them would mitigate the putative harm that they did to you. I'm not entirely clear that I understand what the harm would be, and I'm not sure you would make it better by beating them up and getting yourself in legal trouble. What do you think?

[HawkPerception]

@msc545 It's called justice. Common sense has left people nowadays. Now if someone commits crimes, they're let go. If someone kills your loved ones, you're not allowed to kill them. All I'd be doing is justice. They would have lied to me and emotionally scarred me. Beating them is justified in that scenario. They're a man. If they didn't want to get beaten, they should have been transparent from the beginning.

[HawkPerception]

@msc545 Back in the day, if someone did something like that, they might have been killed for it. I'll never understand people nowadays.

[msc545]

The thing is, it's not up to you to dispense justice. And if you insist on doing so, someone is going to dispense justice on you. I don't think you want that to happen. Just because you can do something and you feel justified in doing it, doesn't mean that you should do it.

[msc545]

Yes, you are right. Somebody might have been killed for doing something like that back in the day, as you put it. However, back in the day is a rather invidious comparison. There was nothing good about it. We don't do those kinds of things anymore because they are uncivilized, unjust, unreasonable, and unfair. They are also illegal as hell, and if you do them, you're going to go to prison for a very long time. Is it worth it to you?

[HawkPerception]

@msc545 "It's not up to you to dispense justice." See that's just an issue we fundamentally disagree on. If I had a daughter who was raped, I would kill the man who did it... slowly and deliberately. If someone killed my mother in cold blood, same story. I believe in accountability. When did society go so wrong with this nonsense of "You're not allowed to play god"?

So criminals are allowed to play god and the innocent are not? Sorry but I'm not one to turn the other cheek. I genuinely believe in eye for eye, tooth for tooth.

Common sense has left people nowadays, and everyone feels so incredibly entitled to life, regardless of their wrongdoings. I stick to what I said. If someone did that to me (which again, would never happen), they're getting beaten. People need to make a stand for what's right and what they believe in.

As for whether I'll go to jail for it... that's a matter of debate. The same corrupt system that lets these criminals roam free like in the cases with Iryna Zarutska or Bethany McGee, would likely give me little consequences. Especially in these days of social media where cases like this are shown to the public and those who agree with the offender get real justice.

[HawkPerception]

@msc545 We can just agree to disagree on this one bud.

[msc545]

Yeah, I just want to point out that in an orderly society we do not condone vigilante justice and in fact punish it rather harshly. The difference between a criminal and someone who is not a criminal is that in one way the criminal bills that he has a right to do anything. He wants to anybody he wants for whatever purpose he wants and the citizen who follows the law and believes in order may feel like doing those things but doesn't do them and instead defers them to an orderly and proper system. We have established that defense is justice as uniformly as possible. And yes of course we can agree to disagree. No big deal. However, I think you would agree that this is an interesting discussion out as well. Yes?

[warlock83]

A lot of trans people just want/need to be female/male. Not all of them dress provocatively.

[Staximus]

@msc545 whether you or the law agree or not, some people are willing to deal with the consequences of their actions. If somebody killed my brother, I would kill them and if I had to go to jail for the rest of my life then so be it.

[msc545]

@Staximus well, I guess that sort of makes you a hero, at least in your own eyes, right?

[Staximus]

@msc545 no, it just makes them dead and then I can sleep at night

[msc545]

@Staximus you're going to get caught and prosecuted for murder and sent to prison. I assure you, when you're in prison, you won't sleep well.

[HawkPerception]

@msc545 You're a real law abiding citizen, eh? If someone killed your family, you'd just hope the law gives you justice, right? What if you someone raped and then killed your wife and they only got 10 years because there wasn't enough "evidence"?

[Staximus]

@msc545 I'll sleep just fine

[msc545]

I don't think that retribution solves anything except that it blows back all over me, and I'm not interested in getting injured that way. Unlike you, I know what doing serious violence does to men on an ongoing basis, and I don't like that result one bit. You talk tough because you've never done any of it.

[HawkPerception]

@msc545 Really easy to say "you talk tough" when you don't know someone. I could just as easily say you sound "weak minded" and like someone who doesn't have the mental fortitude to avenge your loved ones

[msc545]

You can say whatever you want, but at least I have enough good judgment to not brag about my violent proclivities in public. Unlike yourself.

[msc545]

One day if you ever really got violent with somebody, a prosecutor will read the things you have posted on here and will use them to get you in even longer. Prison sentence than you would have already gotten. This is what I mean by your bad judgment. You cannot remove the things you have written here and they will stay here as long as this site is here.

[HawkPerception]

@msc545 Oh no! Whatever shall I do? Showing I have a sense of justice online is the worst decision of my life. I might as well walk myself into jail right now!

[Staximus]

Alright you zobos

[Staximus]

Break it up

[HawkPerception]

@msc545 Peace and love brother. I just disagree with you on this one

[msc545]

No, not at all. Keep right on posting about what a violent guy you are. Keep telling everybody that, and then when you actually do some violence, take the consequences. You won't like them, and you'll pitch and scream about them, but by that time, there won't be much you can do.

[HawkPerception]

@Staximus I tried, but he continued 😅

[DishLady]

Things like this really should be mentioned at the very start of things. It's not fair to test the waters in a way that only one of the two people holds all the cards.

[OlderAndWiser]

It's unlikely that I would ever be in that position, because I'm married. But if I was single and I had that experience, I would probably open up a can of whoop-ass!

[AviatorTom]

That would be the last date with him.

[Summeroflove]

Well if it’s not consensual it’s a crime so

[Zack-Bann]

My lawyer advises me not to answer the question honestly…


But really that would never happen


Whenever I go on a date when a girl I always make some kind of trans joke
Like she would say “I need to tell you something”
And I interrupt her with “you’re not actually a dude are you?”


If she’s actually a dude that would be the time for her to come clean
If not she will laugh it off and say “no of course not”


I get that a trans person could simply lie
But by bringing it up you highlight that you wouldn’t be ok with it so if the girl is trans she will know not to waste her time further

[WhiteOwl]

I have nothing against trans people. However, as a man, I'm only into cis women. I would very much like to be sure that the person I am interested in is cis or trans before I even take them on a date. Ideally, if they're trans, that's something they would say about themselves very early on in my knowing them.

But let's say I've been on a date or two with this person and only then do they reveal that they're trans. I would appreciate them being honest with me, but I would break up with them, even if we were connecting really well. I'd feel very disappointed, even if the dates were going really well, but I'm simply not interested in a trans woman.

[BonzoInBitburg]

I've been to SE Asia and dating there is like a box of chocolates, you don't know which ones have nuts. Its 2025 and if you suspect something, you have to ask outright or subtly. If I didn't suspect anything, I'd probably be a little impressed but not offended and I'm definitely ending it.

[Anonymous]

I would be outraged.

I doubt I would not know they were trans the minute I met them or at least the first time they spoke. I've never seen a trans person who I couldn't tell was trans instantly. But for the one in a million that maybe I couldn't tell, if they didn't tell me about it the moment there was anything indicating there could be dating or some kind of relationship beyond a casual acquaintance, it would infuriate me and I would never have any contact with them again.

[lightbulb27]

I'd wonder what the heck is wrong with me. You cannot blame other people for their frame of truth and my lack of questions.

Don't you always ask the women you date..."So, you were originally born a female... right... just checking"?

[LuciusTheOdd]

That actually should’ve been said before the first date.
Like if you’re trans and someone asks you out, you should at least tell them that you’re trans before the date.
Like, Keeping that secret is just wasting your time and theirs, things like STDs addictions and potentially criminal history as well.

[boundless]

That would be pretty difficult to pull of given that they are so obviously men. You might be able to trick someone into kissing you if they are black out drunk, but otherwise not very likely. That said, you'll probably get beat up or shot if you do something like that.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

It doesn't take that long to tell. I've been to enough parties in NYC to know never trust someone who "only found out on the third date"

The whole aura is different.

Ngl one got me for a couple minutes tho

[Joshydavid25]

Not gonna lie, if the trans looked like a woman, I would probably respond neutrally, but maybe a little aggravated and say that they should've lead with that and end it. And hopefully I don't kick them in the ball walking away.. JKJK..

[beenherebefore]

I would feel that they can't be trusted and stop seeing them.

[snowboarder720]

That’s lying by omission, really. I’d distrust them entirely.

[Lliam]

Very negatively. I would be totally grossed out if a dude tricked me into kissing them.

[molonski2]

In Thailand it's first thing you check so it would never happen.

[mrkdvsn]

Fortunately, that kind of a problem didn't really exist back in the days when I did all my dating. At least not for me. I'm sure I would have spotted a guy pretending to be a girl, pretty quickly

[nik_the_cur]

It is a basic violation of boundaries. Being transparent is key. Has this happened to you?

[Physics-Man]

No, the question was inspired by a video I watched. The image that's part of the question is from the video.

[Physics-Man]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1dbBFxWy9g

[Anonymous]

I would break up with them for being a liar and also because I don’t want to date somebody born the same sex as me.

[Phoenix98]

I would respond calmly but negatively and I would not keep seeing that person.

[whiskeyontherocks]

It’s completely inappropriate not to tell someone before the first date.

[MaTa93]

It would definitely be the last date with that person...

[Agape93]

Long as they didn't lie to me, I'm fine with it.

[MrJMM]

I would be okay with it; a tiny bit sad they couldn't tell me sooner, but I would get it. So there would be no ill blood or anything, honestly.

[Twalli]

If she has girl parts, she's female, even if she wasn't born female. I will not date anyone with a penis. So, if the person is physically female, she's female in my mind.

[Deserter3]

🤦‍♂️🤣😭😭😭

[Anonymous]

I guess I would be curious about it. Did we already have sex?

[fivebyfour]

This is actually a fantasy of mine, I'd love it,,,

[guesswhereivebeen]

I’d probably respond with my foot bouncing off his head… that’s just fucking rude

[chucktheduck]

It better come out early in the relationship otherwise it would destroy trust

[sage2021]

Sick 🤢 to my stomach!!!

[Allmenrsick]

She will help you to come out as a serial killer

[aquamarine321]

I’m not sure, but I’m sure I’ll be upset

[blackeagle007]

I’d like to know asap

[ZinniaRose3430]

Upset , cuz u couldve told me that earlier.

[fonduegirl]

I can tell. So it's not big deal

[Pterodon]

I’d blow it’s dick off

[MrChinaski]

Yes. That is probably his intent.

[Pterodon]

Not the way I’d blow it off

[dudeinohio]

They'd be gone.

[snermcger]

lol!!!
How could you not know?

[milkmustache]

Depends... if they are fully transitioned

[warlock83]

I'll let it pass. Honestly, I do not care.

[straightmax12]

I'd be super pissed.

[MikeMcMansion]

She…?

[ABC1x1x]

Homicidally

[msc545]

@abc1x1x are you saying you would kill somebody who did this?

[ABC1x1x]

Allegedly first and foremost. Absolutely amd emphatically to be honest

[msc545]

You might as well just kill yourself right after, because your life won't be worth living afterward.

[Anonymous]

MMA fight

[msc545]

Are you saying you would assault and beat somebody that did this?

[msc545]

I will comment that, while I think this is absolutely the wrong thing to do, and I would not be very tolerant of it, I would certainly never harm somebody who did it. I think that is going too far, and I am disturbed by the number of people responding here who said that they would assault and beat somebody, or at least in one case kill somebody, who did this. That is a completely disproportionate reaction to what I think would be a minor transgression at worst.

The person who is the subject of this transgression or lie would not be directly harmed by it in any way I can see. As a result, none of this warrants any violence.

[Deserter3]

I'm swinging