Is there any hope for me?

[Anonymous]

I (F23) am done with everything. I don’t know what to do. I spent my teen years constantly bullied by the boys for being “ugly”, I didn’t get to experience the “teenage love”. I’ve never had a relationship, sexual experience, being complimented, or even asked out. I’ve missed out on everything everyone around me has had because I’m not attractive. When asked at Thanksgiving why I don’t have a boyfriend, all I could say is I don't know. Because I can’t say that men tell me that I’m ugly and I’m bottom of the barrel. I decided to tell them that I think I’ll remain single until I pass, which sparked outrage at the table. Stating that “as a woman, you need to find a man, get married and have children”. I don’t want children. No man finds me attractive or wants to date me, so there’s not much that I can do. I get that I’m young, and I don’t want to hear the classic “it’ll come to you” because it doesn’t for some people. It doesn’t make me feel better when people that have had plenty of relationships try and tell me to wait it out, because they didn’t have to wait anything out. I try not to be upset about this, but there’s nothing else that I can do.

i think remaining single might be my best bet at this point, i don’t want to get my hopes up like i did the last few years just for it to be the same outcome again and again

[Staximus]

Go out and meet people and work on your social skills. You don't know how to interact with people, especially guys. That's your problem, it has nothing to do with your looks. I said it many times on here and I'll say it again. The ugliest girl at my high school always had a boyfriend, and is married with children now. The ugliest girl out of 4500 students. You know why? Because she had social skills and wasn't afraid to interact with guys. She also wasn't going after the good looking guys, she stayed in her league. Any girl can have a boyfriend, all she has to do is make an effort. So basically the way you interact with guys and your social skills are the problem and you need to work on that.

[Asker]

I have made effort, I just no longer make effort to do it anymore. I get rejected left and right. I’m very social, and make friends easily.
And I’m not afraid of men in any way let alone interacting with them, there’s no reason to be afraid of a man. I mean.. I do not lack social skills, never have and never will. If I did I’d be plain boring.
But it’s great that someone that was deemed ugly about 30-35 years ago is married and has kids.
Unfortunately the words you say make it seem “easy” when it really isn’t, it really is about “looks”. And I’ve been told time and time again that it’s about looks, by different guys.
Plus I’ve also been told it’s because I’m black by guys, I mean every dude wants a pretty attractive white girl or Latina so..
there’s not much else I can do, I’ve been so called “working” on myself since I was 16. I’m 23 now, there’s nothing else to work on. But I’m getting to a point where I need to be content with remaining single for the rest of my life, I won’t place hope on “one day” finally meeting a guy. That’ll just lead me with false hope, and then finally turning 40 something and a guy is interested when I’m wayy past even wanting to be in a relationship at all.

[Staximus]

I'm telling you this girl is ugly as sin. It's your attitude and the way you interact. I'm sure there's been guys that liked you standing right in front of your face and you didn't even know it because your head was so far up your ass

[Staximus]

If you knew how to interact with men you would have one. You probably look like a beauty queen compared to the girl I'm talking about

[Asker]

Yeah “surely” that’s what it is, because the only guys during school that would even look my way were the ones calling me ugly, the hard r and a monkey. So if the bullies liked me, how would I even know when they’re spouting slurs and insults?
Bud.. no guy has liked me, I was the go to girl to pick on for fun. I don’t wish the shit I went through during middle school - high school on anyone at all, it was horrible. I was glad that covid hit because that meant I didn’t have to deal with it anymore.
Also if hypothetically if a man ever did “like” me, how am I supposed to even see it when all I would hear is how ugly I am? Was I supposed to focus on looking at everyone to see when they’d all circle me and pour milk on my head when insulting me? So if my “head was so far up your ass” I don't know what to tell you regarding that, but my head is definitely no where near my ass bud. I see everything and everyone, that’s how I’d know who was in on insulting me and who wasn’t. I pay attention and I observe everyone wether they walk into a room or are minding there business, because even now at 23 I still get called insults and slurs.

[Asker]

Maybe I do look like a “beauty queen” compared to her, maybe I don’t. I know how to interact with men who aren’t making fun of me, they just don’t like me, sorry. But then again your almost 50 giving me advice about 20 year olds who even my parents say the boys my age, are not what they used to be back then

[Staximus]

You sound like a person who needs to learn how to be assertive and stand up for yourself

[Staximus]

Are you telling me no guy ever wanted to just hang out with you and not just for sex?

[Asker]

I mean when 6-8 guys taller than you surround you in a circle and are already insulting you, what exactly is standing up for yourself going to do? Absolutely nothing, the teachers weren’t doing anything when I’d report it.
No I’ve not hung out with a guy, no one wanted to. Also no I’m not going to go a sleep around like someone that has no self respect for themselves.
And no guy has asked me to have sex with them either.

[Asker]

No guys has asked me out let alone asked me to hang out with them. When I’ve asked a guy if he wants to hang out he just straight up says no.

[Staximus]

Where did you grow up?

[Asker]

In Napa, CA. It’s predominantly white and Hispanic. When I was in middle school I was the only black kid, in high school there were a total of 6 black kids including myself and my brother.

[Staximus]

A bunch of punk ass rich kids

[Asker]

Yeah…. Exactly. And doesn’t help that my family is barely making towards middle class

[Staximus]

You need to work on getting past this bullying thing

[Staximus]

Maybe talk to a therapist or something

[Sal_Monella]

It is worth a longer word wall than I have time for. Unless you are terminally ill, you are never hopeless. You just have to find something that you really care about and focus on that. And don't worry about anybody around you. For example, If you want to buy a used Harley and tour round the mountains, Do that. Let yourself worthy emerge from the things that you do for yourself.

[Abbycado]

When you start out “I am done with everything”, I doubt there is hope. You gave up.

[Anonymous]

Don't lose hope, I'm about two decades older than you, and never had a relationship.

[dudeinohio]

There is always hope.