How do you know if someone is thinking with their heart and not with their sexual desires?

Question

I think I'm struggling with this but I think the guy I'm talking to is struggling even more than I am. I want this to be right especially since I just found out he changed his life completely by being baptized.

I would feel like a succubus or something if we were to go there with him just changing his life.

So how do you know which is which?

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

First, your heart does not think. Your heart has feelings and desires, but those are not thoughts, and they do not follow any rules of logic. Sexual desires are also feelings, not thoughts. Again, no logic.

Second, I always say to follow your heart into a relationship but follow your head out of a relationship. If your feelings tell you to pursue a relationship, you should do that, unless there are obvious and significant warning signs. If you feel drawn to a relationship and you don't pursue it, you will have regrets for the rest of your life. When you eventually meet someone else, you will wonder if you are settling and if your previous live interest would have been better for you.

Third, as I recall, you have had a few failed relationships that hurt you and you only recently resolved to give romance another chance. Ask yourself if you want this guy because of specific things about him, or because you have a longing to again be in a relationship. . . especially at Christmastime. Do you maybe have a romanticized notion of giving your body to him as a Christmas gift?

Fourth, as soon as you have sex with him, the relationship will change. Most likely, you will both feel more commitment to each other and more of a sense that you need to protect and preserve the relationship. If he truly is The One for you, then that commitment is a good thing. But what if you have rushed in too soon and it later becomes apparent that he is NOT The One? Ending the relationship becomes more difficult and more traumatic for you.

Finally, as a Christian, how you reconcile your sexual behavior and your marital status is a personal decision. Marriage in Biblical times was very different from marriage now. For instance, failure to produce children would be grounds for divorce! For me, I decided many decades ago, to stop having casual sexual relationships and to not have sex unless we had reached a point where I saw the woman as a serious candidate for being my partner for the rest of my life. That decision has sometimes conflicted with desires of the flesh, but I have experienced less heartbreak as a result.

Good luck with your decision.

aaron13547 · Accepted Answer

I think we have 3 brains, one in our head, one in our heart, and one in our gut.

Your gut is where the emotional thoughts come from. Hence the love butterflies.

Your heart is where intentions manifest into real world actions

Your mind is where your ego comes from or Who you think you are. Also its how you express yourself (talk)

Ever heard the saying actions speak louder then word's... thats talking about the little things. Like when a guy gets you flowers or coffee just cause he is thinking of you. And expects nothing in return. Making your day better makes his day better, thats from the heart.

Getting a girl coffee or flowers in hopes of getting laid later thats from the mind.

The thought of getting laid could be enjoyed by you both, thats from the gut

The really trick isn't just to think with your heart... it is to be able to use all 3 brains together as one.

When we have a thought its like energy coming in through the head, that energy wants out and its easy to talk and release it immediately. Its much more difficult to let that energy go all the way through your body to the base of your spine. Sit with the thought, let it slowly rise back up, and that thought will express itself in a very different way. Most the time for me its an action more so then the words i originally thought.

I can "feel" when people are able to think like this, very few actually can use all 3 brains together.

When someone is being genuine , most of the time, you just know. If you question it in the first place they normally aren't being genuine.

FreyaRed · Accepted Answer

Mhhh.. baptized soul and life energy are the tastiest targets. Enjoy it until just an empty old corpse remains of him.
Nothing makes the Eternal Shadow lord more satisfied when you send a soul promised to god in eternal purgatory just because of for few lustful moments in bedroom. hahahaha

"So how do you know which is which?"
It doesn't matter a soul is a soul

WhitneySnow · Accepted Answer

Definitely don’t rush into sex with him. When you’re both ready, maybe start slow, like with a handjob and him fingering you.

ohsheeT · Answer

You can ask if he has a broom if so maybe it's that witch I don't know.. I'm confused. Now, because first, it was one question then it was the second question. Lol

AviatorTom · Answer

You can't. A guy's reactions in a relationship are often a mix of emotions and physical

NathanDavis · Answer

I'm not sure what the context here is...

but religion and sex are like oil and water... the two just never mix well

almost everything about religion, when it comes to sex is to "repress" your true desires and to instead obey, the old dogma... it's all about controlling others

Twodogs0525 · Answer

I might be old fashion but you, as the woman, are the gate keeper. He, as the man, leads. Let him lead you as far as you are willing to let him, without compromising what you think his morals might be. Asking him during the moment doesn't hurt either, I've done it. "Are you sure?" It's not that uncomfortable in the situation.

DJB72 · Answer

If he's thinking with his heart and he's just been baptised then if his commitment to Christ is sincere he's going to feel like shit if you sleep together and it may irreparably damage the relationship.

As a Christian who's asking myself if I'm thinking with my heart or not at the moment I'd strongly suggest having a conversation with him about what you're hoping for from the friendship/relationship. Worst case is you end up good friends with an honest foundation.

Angelo75 · Answer

- Check how much time has passed before he/you started having feelings. Usually love takes longer to develop than sexual desires. "Love at first sight" is an illusion. "Lust at first sight" is what it is.

- Do you see each others defect or are most arguments solved with a kiss?

- See how he handles when his family is around. Is he behaving the same?

Still-alive · Answer

Looks like i was late on this but the biggest red flags is if they pressure you into either talking about sex or doing anything sexual when you have stated clearly you weren't ready yet. like he's not respecting your boundaries on that. if that ever happens he just wants to get in your pants.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Sexual desires are felt only when needed, so when it's over the person won't care anymore until he feels sexual again, while love lasts all the time, with and without sex, it's when you start thinking about the person out of the sex box, such as wanting to be with him somewhere or watching a movie with him or eating with him or just sitting and chilling with him, it's like you want him to be all the time with you and to tell him your daily stories and everything etc...

dudeinohio · Answer

Baptism is really something most Christians do in some form or another. It doesn't remove sexual desire or going for it.

If he's still interested in a sexual relationship, then by all means, proceed. Let's just hope he didn't join one of the more restrictive sects.

genericname85 · Answer

well in the minutes after you have sex, the sexual desire is gone for a bit. what do they do in these times when sexual desire isn't currently present? that would probably help you understand.

whiskeyontherocks · Answer

If you’re both consenting adults in a committed relationship I’m not sure what you’re waiting for unless you’re very strict and in that case foreplay is a option still last I checked.

RavVid · Answer

Love starts with a rock hard erection and a few other things. The heart follows the genitals.

If you excluded everyone who had sexual desire for you, you would have excluded everyone who might love you.

FishHunter · Answer

You're right. He's been baptized so what ever he does now on is not his fault. If he sleeps with you, it's because you seduced him, not by his own choice. Whatever happens now on is you trying to pull him back to hell. You've already decided this might not end well so just ruin it already.

katiesmuff · Answer

It is nothing you will see right away, it takes some time to get that figured out and usually a lot of time with the person.

Shiprex · Answer

You keep paying attention to their behavior and language. If they're consistent then it's worthy of continuing

DonaldDarko · Answer

It's all sexual desire or you wouldn't even be bothering with each other.

Zionne · Answer

you can observe his actions and patterns, that way you can determine if its love or just lust

ABC1x1x · Answer

If they sacrifice something. Hearts sacrifice for their loved desires burn everything to fulfill the desires

Anonymous · Answer

Tell them you wait until marriage and boom they disappear 😂

Anonymous · Answer

If he's hard he is thinking about you sexually

Jerre · Answer

Perhaps if you date him several times, you will have a better idea of his real intentions.

Anonymous · Answer

Talk to them and you'll figure it out by their behavior.

WhatIsYourZodiac · Answer

Maybe go on casual dates and know him better. Let me fall deeply for your personality

Grond21 · Answer

Each path has markers that show which is which

How do you know if someone is thinking with their heart and not with their sexual desires?

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