Unspoken mutual attraction in the workplace?

[Anonymous]

I work as a P. A to someone - how would I know if it’s friendly or he’s fond of me (he’s married)

don’t get me wrong he’s never inappropriate or anything like that. He’s also married so I’d never do/say anything, plus my job on the line.

we’ve worked together for a year now - our roles mean we have to work very closely together - speak often/lots of chasing about things.

it has naturally shifted the longer we’ve worked together. But it’s the last few months.

we use to catch up once a week and now it’s twice formally and then calls inbetween (he rings me almost daily and he sometimes say it’s something about work but irrelevant to me - telling me he’s late for a meeting that I don’t attend and also I didn’t need to know, then asking how I was and my plan for the day for example). Lingering on calls is recent - he pulls out the most random work question and it does sort of flag to me it’s random. I even once reeled off a list for half an hour and he said what’s next? Like he didn’t want the conversation to end as he’s never done that and we were about to go on 2 week break.

one to one catch ups can feel very intimate to me (not sure if it’s because I’ve been single that long) but he literally looks at me like I’ve never seen anyone look at me. He leans in, twinkly eyes, smiling, I've noticed him mirroring my movements - i put my hand under my chin and noticed immediately he did it and generally he doesn’t sit like that as he sits quite proud and open

prioritises my time - praises me openly in front of people as me being amazing/always says we

gives me best possible work compliments (not gushy or OTT but powerful) - I’m seen and heard completely. Sincerely appreciates me.

in meetings together I’ve noticed recently him gravitating towards me and will come to me about anything and ask the most random things - like asking for pens acting like he’d never seen my pens before and telling me needed some - but in actual fact we didn’t need any.

am I crazy?

[HollyK21]

If I were you I wouldn’t even explore this road of curiosity. Being honest it sounds like he’s gotten more comfortable with you and I’m sure there’s a fondness there as you become friendlier, and I think it’s best left at that.


If you had several comments tell you that he’s interested, then what? There’s literally nothing to do with that feedback other than making you look at him and everything he does or says differently, and delving deeper into your own thoughts/assumptions. Not to mention none of our thoughts are confirmation of a single thing, we’re just giving you more to think about when you should try to avoid thinking about it at all. If I were you I wouldn’t make more of anything he does or says unless it’s unmistakably blatant on his part which would never happen unless he’s a scumbag of a husband.

[Anonymous]

you're asking this question because you are potentially interested in him.

This is how people get reeled into being side chicks. Guys know that the secret to getting a girl's love and attention is to make her feel special- which he is doing now.

But he is likely never going to leave his wife. I've seen this from YEARS of experience... married man dates a girl for years but never leave his wife. If a guy truly didn't want his wife... he would have already divorced her or on his way to divorce her. He wouldn't continue staying married to her while dating you.

Married people do get crushes. I've had a married guy crush on me. But he was too old and had kids and was married- which all these things turned me off as young lady

[Zack-Bann]

You’re not crazy


I’ve recently been involved in a similar situation with a colleague except she’s the one who’s got a boyfriend


I was 100% into her. (Maybe even still am)
But trying to distance myself a little to avoid drama


These kinds of attractions are hard to resist
You see the person all the time
You know so much about one another
It feels natural, it feels “right”


But it’s dangerous


Unless you can make it work which in your case he’s married.
Best to casually distance yourself from him without making it weird

[live2dance25]

He may like you, but it’s best that you keep things professional. Things can go wrong in a hurry, you can get fired, or even worse, caught up in a legal battle if something doesn’t go as planned.

[Asker]

I plan on keeping things professional absoloitely.

Just wondering if it seems like he is quite fond of me/maybe an attraction there that he isn’t and won’t act on, or he’s just being friendly. Sometimes it just seems far too ‘much’ to be work friendly unless he’s incredibly comfortable with me

[live2dance25]

He may be incredibly comfortable, but I’ve also been a manager where I’ve had to fire employees because things crossed the line. One of my technicians (construction work) decided to touch a female customer inappropriately, and was subject to both legal issues AND we as the contractor lost that customer. So it can have repercussions both personally, professionally, legally, and be dragged into the courtroom. Not trying to scare you, just saying I’ve seen these cases not go well and it can be a huge PITA.

[nastyb]

@Asker

just cuz he acts on it... it does not mean he will leave his wife for you. this is how girls get sucked into being side chicks.

[abbyjgriffin98]

Why does it matter. He's married. He already chose his wife. And if, by some chance, he dumped her and dated you or even cheated on her with you, what makes you think he wouldn't do the same thing to you?

[AngryCarl2]

No, he's married and appreciative of your work, that's all. In conclusion, don't s*** where you eat.

[Alex-Snow]

He may be interested but do not mess with him or break up a marriage