I find myself yearning for a woman?

[Anonymous]

I’m approaching 40 and I feel like I’ve missed out on so much in life in not ever being with a woman. I just saw one of the most gorgeous women I’ve ever seen and shot my shot, but I’ll never hear back from her. Guaranteed I won’t.

Meanwhile all this after getting recently ghosted by a very pretty girl that seemed quite attracted to me actually, until I was honest with her and disclosed that I’ve never been in a relationship before. She seemed very shocked before pulling back. And it’s like I’ve never done hook ups either. I don’t want any part in that!

Both women had phenomenal figures too, absolute top feminine beauty in my eyes, and it’s just like man, so close but so far. I’m just yearning for love. I’m not even coming off this way to them either, not desperate at all. But when I’m alone in my thoughts it’s like I just NEED someone here. Someone to get a little close with. I’ve been hearing about all these studies how women can be such stress relievers to men, healthy women that is lol but to just feel that warmth in my life…

How can I just seal the deal? Get the brainwaves to match up? To be honest I’ve always been quite fearful. Fearful of failure, fearful of success, fearful of just measuring up to what a woman expects me to be. I want to conquer it.

Updates

4 mo

One thing I want to just address too, seems like a number of people saying it’s like I’m looking for a hook up. I’m not. A woman’s beauty is of importance to a man. Whether it’s short term or long term, sex is a factor in the relationship. It’s almost like there’s a skepticism in women about this kind of thing. Of course intention matters. I happen to have long term intent. Of course I want to get to know them in a deeper level, but I can’t just ignore the fact that they’re attractive either.

[Hardon-Collider]

The "close" and "stress relievers" and "warmth" you speak of is something moms do to children. And i do not mean to say that you shouldn't have it later in life. I'm making you notice that these things aren't exclusive to sexual partners, in fact sex sometimes breaks them where they existed before.

You're saying it like these gifts come in a package with sex, and it can be true, but if you're hitting up warm and caring women who are less sex-driven than colder non-monogamous women, if you reach out with both hands trying to catch warmth in one hand and offering a bouquet of pubic hair in the other hand, even whilst proclaiming against hookups, you're basically doing already emotional hookups, coming across as impulsive and undisciplined.

Sexual hookups are about rubbing your cock against stranger crevices. How is it different from stuffing your heart into any remotely friendly woman? You are doing emotional hookups. So you are doing hookups.

You can try being the "void closer", the stress reliever, the warmer to those in need, and in the process you might warm yourself up. And simultaneously attract women alike. ㅤ

[Anonymous]

It's not just about “shooting your shot.” It's about what kind of person you are. You seem to only be concerned about how a girl looks.“I just saw one of the most gorgeous women.” “Recently ghosted by a very pretty girl.” “Both women had phenomenal figures.” You say you don't want to hook up, but these criteria are exactly what guys look for when they do want to hook up.

We know when were pretty and every guy in the world tells us that, every day. That doesn't give us any basis for a relationship, or even a friendship; we just brush these guys off.

The man I'm with now took great efforts to show me what kind of person he was, and that he was a very good person. There were many things about him I wouldn't have chosen if they were on a checklist, but when I got to know who he was, I fell in love with him. After that he could have anything he wanted from me. If he had just told me I was pretty, I would have thanked him and probably never talked to him again.

So this is all we know about you. And that you're afraid of everything. That's not exactly a great catch in a man.

These are things you should have worked on in high school. If you didn't, then you need to get help with them now, most likely professional help such as a psychiatrist or psychologist or counselor, but I'm sure there are also support groups you could join where you can talk about these things and learn how to improve yourself and become someone women want to be with. At the very least there are books and videos that can help you with this.

Here is one.

https://www.rfpmm.org/pdf/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people.pdf

The good news is, it's never too late, if you do it.

[Asker]

Well I’m going off experiences from dating apps so I’m kind of being filtered through looks as well. I’d like to be able to tell/show exactly the kind if person I am. But how do you do that through cyberspace? You have to get to a point where you can even have a chance at that first. I’d love to get that chance, but it’s a matter of even getting it.

[RxR0954]

I’d say don’t give up, keep trying, keep getting rejected-it’s part of the process. As a lesbian that grew up in a small country, i can say my options is way more limited than straight men, especially men from first world countries with more options. And believe it or not i have been rejected hundreds of times by women that i shoot my shot with ever since i was 14, but in returns shooting my shot with hundreds of women throughout the years gave me a lot of experiences and i can say i have dated 4 and slept with 13 women. I am now getting married to a woman who i absolutely love and adore and she’s just amazing, and i can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with her.

Besides not giving up after countless rejections, you should widen your horizon. Try to see which limits your options when it comes to choosing a woman to be with. For example lots of men in my country whine about lack of options while they only go after women from the same cultural background, or locals. Or they only seek out women in churches, temples, pagodas, religious sites, etc… Or even skipping women who they think their parents would disapprove.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"I’d like to be able to tell/show exactly the kind of person I am. But how do you do that through cyberspace?"

The same way you do that in person. It's the way you talk, what words you'll choose, what topic you'll choose, how you will react in a convo, how consistent and stable your discourse is. Those things will tell who you are to someone interacting with you. Offline or online.

[Asker]

Of course… I’m not sending them messages gushing over how hot they are.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Sure, I wasn't referring to minimum requirements either, only to the fact that your identity (and/or how it will be perceived) is evaluated constantly, in person or over the internet

[DishLady]

The problem is you're just craving the pretty looking gal and not the gal who is pretty awesome and would probably want to be with you. It's the reason many guys in your age range are single. (I don't mean it in a nasty way, just factually, based on seeing all my guy friends in their 40s and 50s.)

[Asker]

Can pretty looking not be pretty awesome though too? All anyone is doing out there is trying to get the best and most well rounded partner they’re capable of. I happen to aim high.

[DishLady]

Meh. Not always. A gal who plays her body up too much usually doesn't have much more to tap into.

[Asker]

I would agree with that, not always. I can usually tell lol.

[DishLady]

Can you? From the description of the gals who ditched... you're going too much for the looks and not enough with the heart/character.

[Asker]

Well I’m trying to get to know the character!

[DishLady]

Fair enough.

[Zionne]

What you’re feeling is very human , the desire for closeness doesn’t mean you’re broken, it means you’ve been avoiding fear more than intimacy. The real work isn’t “sealing the deal,” it’s learning how to show up confidently without overthinking your past, which is exactly what a good dating coach for men helps with by rewiring how you relate to women and yourself. You’re not late, you’re just untrained.

[Chthou95]

a lot of men are in the same boat man. You're not alone. The dating scene is brutal for men and it's not going to get any easier. Do not let women define your happiness or worth. Easier said than done i know. But has thinking about it made your life any better?

[Abbycado]

I wonder if these women are sensing this “fear” you are talking about. We like confidence.

[Asker]

Here’s a question for you. Can a woman not respect the honesty and vulnerability though? In such a case, she clearly has a well-intentioned guy right there in front of her, trying to break out of his shell for her. What more could she want?

But I guess it’s all about game. I’m not even saying I’m out there baring my soul or anything lol, but you know when a guy is trying to get through to you.

But instead you’re often times met with this suspicion, and for what? I certainly do not give off bad vibes, I can confidently assure you of that.

[Abbycado]

“ honesty and vulnerability” of course. That’s not a relationship starter. That happens in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

It happens, I'm older than you, but still no luck with women.